How A Bottle Of Bourbon Changed My Life | Jennifer Magley

“A trade?” I said raising my eyebrows. In the past I had worked on trade as a consultant receiving everything from diamonds to the proverbial, will work for food arrangement. Yes, I worked for food once.

My eyes narrowed with curiosity, “Tell me more.”

Often it is hard to find someone who has been to where you are going. Thus the opportunity to schedule time with a highly respected executive coach was something at the top of my list. It can be challenging reaching up and out to a person who is further along in the journey.

Sighing he turned his head to the side, “Happy to meet with you again and do the The Immunity Map exercise I mentioned in exchange for… a bottle of bourbon.”

My heart leapt. It was a yes and quickly I calculated the cost of such a request. As a non-drinker I had no clue what a bottle of alcohol cost. $200? $500? Surely I would be on the positive side of this transaction knowing his coaching rates matched his expertise. This would be a steal.

“Absolutely,” I replied with a smile.

He continued on, “The particular bottle of bourbon I have in mind is Blanton’s…it’s the one with the little horsey on top.” His fingers motioned as an accent on horsey.

“Sounds good.” I said scribbling down the name.

As we shook hands he paused, “A word of caution however, it is very hard to find.”

And with that chills ran down my spine. What in the world had I just agreed to locate?

Apparently, as I learned in the next 24 hours, I was not the only person in need of a bottle of Blanton’s. The brand, which was the first single barrel bourbon in 1984, has since doubled in price and is now in high demand. In addition to a shoutout in a pop song, popularity of the drink has surged since the release of the John Wick films. While not as elusive as Pappy Van Winkle, Blanton’s hovers around Where’s Waldo status on the regular.

Like a true sales person I was undeterred when the first seven stores responded with “no” to my inquiry. On the eleventh call, one man told me that I would and I quote, “NEVER find a bottle of Blanton’s in this city…you have to be on The List.” The List, there was a list?

Oddly, this new piece of information only furthered my determination. At this point in my life, for years I had worked at maximum with minimum outcome and limited income. I was over having nothing to show for my effort and needed some kind of change. Alas, if the only thing standing between me and my breakthrough was a bottle of bourbon, a bottle would be found. 

I called friends, I called Chicago, I called restaurants, I called frenemies, I called them all, and kept calling until an older gentleman answered the phone. His hand covered the receiver and in a hushed whisper told me, “You are in luck. I am releasing three bottles tomorrow…” he said taking another breath, “however” he said with apprehension, “I have alerted The List.”

The next morning at 8:30 am I was the third person outside the liquor store as the doors opened at 9:00 am. Remodeling the day of a single mother is like solving a demonic sudoku puzzle so just being there was no small feat. As an extra precaution, a friend I tipped off was first in line standing in bourbon solidarity with me. Supposedly he would have given me his bottle had I arrived late, supposedly. I will never forget the frustrated faces of the tardy men from The List as I left the store with a smile.

Essentially I passed the litmus test. By applying action to intention I unknowingly had begun my breakthrough. Like a true sensei, this coach helped me uncover my immunity to change by requesting the near impossible. In order to find the bottle of bourbon I had to immediately confront behaviors I was not comfortable with like asking for help and procrastinating on things I am unfamiliar with.

As it turns out the Immunity Map exercise we did (after the bourbon was delivered) originates from Harvard professors Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey. Their work is based on the concept that we all unknowingly, “have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake.” Through a series of questions, asked by a trained facilitator, you are able to pinpoint your immunity to change. This immunity to change is a system of self protection we create in order to avoid anxiety and self exposure.

As Lahey and Kegan put it in their book Immunity To Change, “It is not change that causes anxiety; it is the feeling that we are without defenses in the presence of what we see as danger that causes anxiety.” By articulating other commitments we have that are in opposition of what we say we want we are able to identify where we are stuck. 

Some startling self revelations surfaced during these two Immunity Map sessions with the executive coach. One of which was that I was using community work to procrastinate from real income generating work. Another was that I was committed to the appearance of winning at the actual cost of winning. People pleasing and perfectionism is not without its dark side and in that moment I was able to see how my foot was fully on the brake. In the months following, my response to the map completely upended my life.

As I began to “test” my faulty assumptions, the final step of the Immunity Map, I was able to fully see the stories I had created for myself. I had allowed what I thought a mother should be to limit my income and also realized I had finally healed from past relationship trauma. In every area of my life there was a pivot as though a door had opened in my mind letting in the light of truth.

I began saying no without explanation or remorse which helped me say yes to me. I moved on from unhealthy relationships which allowed me to be fully more of myself. When fear would creep in clutching at my throat I would let go feeling it was my own hand doing the squeezing. 

The Immunity Map presented my thoughts to me in a way that was so compelling I could not look away. Change can be daunting as it requires difficult conversations. These conversations are held within our own minds as we challenge what we thought to be true. Yet it is these confrontations that are the key to a better life. As Lao Tzu once wrote, “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” The next time an opportunity to work with someone you admire presents itself consider saying yes without flinching. While arduous, trading a bottle of bourbon for breakthrough was the best decision I ever made.

Want to know more about The Immunity Map? Email me at [email protected] for more information.

Jennifer Magley is a former professional athlete, speaker, author, and high performance coach. Article originally appeared on www.magleyjennifer.com/blog More information can be found at www.magleyjennifer.com and videos on YouTube.