How to Boost Your Confidence Without Being Cocky or Complacent

There is an old saying, "Action breeds confidence."?But it's tough to navigate the fine line of the results of those actions becoming confidence, cockiness, and complacency. Said differently,

Confidence is contagious, but it's not far from being cocky or complacent.?

Research from Predictive Index’s People Management Report asked questions about what makes a world-class manager. They found that the #1 skill employees value from their managers is confidence. As important as it is, many professionals sabotage their confidence in the shed of inaction or, worse, create an exaggerated sense of self-importance.?

Choose Your C

Confidence

Confidence is contagious. When you exude self-belief, others around you can feel it and are drawn to you. ?Confidence, which is defined as the belief in oneself and one’s ability to succeed. It comes from a Latin word meaning “to have full trust.”? Confidence in leadership isn’t ‘Every team member loves me,’ Confidence is ‘I will be a great leader to them even if they don’t.’

Confidence is the memory of evidence and success. It's built through consistent daily repetition. In his book?Do Hard Things , Author Steve Magness wrote, "The old model of confidence focuses on the external. The new model focuses on the internal; true confidence has to be found in reality, and it must come from within."

True confidence comes from within. It is found in reality and repetition.?

If you struggle with confidence, focus on actions that build evidence. If you don't have evidence yet, the keyword is yet.? As Alex Hermosi said:

"You must outwork your self-doubt."

Cocky

Cockiness, on the other hand, is an exaggerated sense of self-importance and superiority over others.? It often manifests as arrogance, where a leader or individual contributor believes they are better than those around them and feels the need to showcase or talk about their perceived superiority.?

It's easy to spot cockiness overconfidence because there is a complete lack of humility. C.S. Lewis said, "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." When someone dismisses the contributions of others or constantly brags or interrupts to highlight their own accomplishments or skills, you are squarely in the presence of cockiness.?

Complacent

Complacency is the third C. Confidence turns into complacency when you overestimate your abilities and underestimate the need for continuous improvement. This often happens when evidence of past successes leads to an inflated sense of future success, causing you to avoid future work ethic.?

William Sparks, Ph.D. , author of Actualized Teamwork , told me on The John Eades Podcast, "Abraham Maslow, famously said, 'at every decision point, we either advance into growth or we retreat into fear.' So you are either growing or you're regressing.? Complacency is micro-steps back, creating regression over time."

At every decision point, we either advance into growth or we retreat into fear - Abraham Maslow

He went on to say, "What is required is to have urgency around complacency.? What happens is you get lulled into not taking risks or always settling for less than your best."

Build Confidence, But Don't Cross the Line

Since confidence is built through actions, and it comes from within, here are two practical ways to develop your confidence and one to ensure your confidence doesn't cross the line into cockiness or complacency.?

1. Shed Perfection

Perfection is defined as the action or process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible. Perfection is cruel because it seems attainable, but in reality, it’s impossible. It’s even more impossible over long periods of time versus small moments in time.?

The reality is that perfection doesn’t help you; it hurts you. It creates unrealistic expectations that further prevent you from performing at your best. Instead of focusing on perfection, pivot to opportunities. Take a lesson from Tennis great Roger Federer:?

2. Squash the ANT?

Squashing the ANT isn't about a literal any. It's an acronym that stands for, "Automatic Negative Thought"? In order to build confidence requires action.? Taking action typically includes refusing to listen to those automatic negative thoughts like, "I can't," "What if I fail," or "I'm not good enough."

Instead of beating yourself up for having the negative thought, turn the negative thought into fuel.? Recognize the thought for what is it, and choose to act differently than you think of feel.?

Act differently than you feel.?

3. Create an Iron Council for Feedback

One of the best ways to build your confidence without allowing it to become cockiness or complacency is to seek out constructive feedback. Embracing feedback from others shows that you are committed to growth and improvement, which is a hallmark of confidence instead of confidence.?

Continuing to improve in any skill requires a level of self-awareness that opens the heart and mind to do some things differently. In Building the Best , I wrote about the common practice in the Marines to put together an Iron Council.? This is a group of six direct reports and peers of an officer.? A few times a year the Iron Council meets with their officer to? provide feedback about the leaders actions and performance.? The meeting isn't meant to promote a forum to air petty grievances but rather to provide a constructive place to improve.?

You need an Iron Council and so do I.? Getting feedback from voices and people that work with you and know you well is a powerful way to ensure your confidence doesn't become cockiness or complacency.

Closing

Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.” Ford was talking about confidence.? It is essential to your career and leadership success.? If you are struggling with confidence, shed perfection and choose action by squashing the ANT. To ensure your confidence doesn't become cockiness or complacency, create an Iron Council for Feedback.

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About the Author John Eades is the CEO of LearnLoft , and creator of the Accelerate Leadership Program . He was named one of LinkedIn’s Top Voices. John is also the author of Building the Best: 8 Proven Leadership Principles to Elevate Others to Success . You can follow him on Instagram @johngeades .