How a blue triceratops helps me conquer procrastination

Of all the scary monsters I've slain on my entrepreneurial journey, procrastination is the one that used to wreak (and sometimes, still does) the most havoc. Like a massive dinosaur blocking my path, it's often been nearly impossible to get out of the way.

So, like any growth-minded person, I decided to get down to the root of the problem -- how far back could I remember putting things off? What was a feeling that made me choose procrastination as a solution? What was the reason?

And did I have another choice -- could I stop procrastinating?

This story popped into my head: I remember being in elementary school and having to make a triceratops out of a block of blue clay as part of a report I had to do for class. It was homework and we were given several weeks to complete the research, the writing, and the clay model. I might have been in second or third grade; that part is a little fuzzy.

What I do remember, as if seared into my brain, is the gradual buildup of pressure as the days went by and the deadline drew near. I recall the conversation in my head of “I should do it now…. but I don’t want to, I’ll do it tomorrow.” I definitely felt uncomfortable when I thought about doing the project (I didn't know why), and it felt better when I delayed starting it.

Every day, I solved the “problem” of feeling uncomfortable by putting off the project.

Meanwhile the deadline got closer, and the pressure built until the night before it was due. Now it’s 8 pm and I’m having an epic anxiety attack with all the terrible physical sensations that come with it. I’m crying I’m so miserable and so stuck.

It’s almost bedtime, for chrissakes!

I can close my eyes and see my room, the carpet, the walls.... I remember RIGHT where I was sitting on the floor, crying. It’s very clear. I don’t want to do the project (for some unknown reason) but I HAVE to do it because I don’t want to let my parents or teacher down. Finally, the drive to not disappoint those 3 people wins out, and I do the project.

I feel relief when the project is done and I go to bed. I get a high grade. As I repeat this cycle in school, I learn to operate very well under pressure. Over time, I wear my “killing it under stress” skill as a badge of honor, and this process continues through college (straight As, all done with night-before magic) and into adulthood. Again, and again, and again.

As an adult, I grew tired of it.

I took the "blue triceratops" story to my therapist, and of course I learned that beneath a procrastination behavior you will find a big fear. For me, I feared being rejected.

See, like all kids, when I did something I presented it to my parents for praise and recognition. Kids need lots of that, especially early (although teaching the child to be proud of themselves and not need external validation is the ideal approach). I got praise and acceptance from my mom but not my dad. Nothing was ever good enough for him. In fact, my accomplishments were always flawed, easily dismissed, and unworthy of accolades. He was often angry or deeply disappointed, even with what I deemed a perfect accomplishment.

So when I showed him something, I walked away feeling like crap.

Every. Single. Time.

Over, and over, and over. It was programmed into me, locked as a pathway in my nervous system.

So I avoided doing projects to avoid that anticipated terrible feeling of rejection by my father.

During that therapy session, my therapist taught me the Cognitive Behavioral Cycle and the lightbulb went on. Learning how short-circuit this cycle is one of the most important things I’ve ever done.

For me it went like so:

1. Trigger: consider starting the blue triceratops project
2. Thoughts and beliefs: I’m going to do bad work and feel terrible about it; I am not good enough and my work is always poor; I am a bad son and can’t make my dad happy; I can’t do anything right; my dad won’t love me or will withhold love based on my poor work
3. Emotion: anxiety
4. Physical sensation: hollow chest, acidic feeling in stomach, tight neck muscles, heat that starts in the chest and moves up my neck to my scalp; tension at temples; desire to vomit
5. Avoidance behavior/coping mechanism: procrastinate and do not start the project right now; with that decision feel temporary relief as the physical sensations abate and my body returns to a state of calm

Our brains just aren't very smart about a lot of things. They see any discomfort (physical or emotional pain) as an existential threat that must quickly be solved. In this case, my brain freaked out when it sensed I was going to do something that might cause my father to reject me (he provides my food and shelter, after all). This freakout initiates the flow of anxiety hormones and I get to feel like I'm on the vomit-comet. I would do anything to stop feeling so terrible. Procrastination worked perfectly, in that regard – it alleviated the anxiety and calmed my system down.

But you see the flaw: The success or failure of the blue-triceratops project was never going to put me in mortal danger. But my brain had other ideas and could only be assuaged via my negative coping mechanism.

So, what’s a human stuck in a cycle created in childhood to do?

Take a brave step few have the courage to ever take: Stop the cycle. The key moment is after step 4 and before step 5 above. I had to stop using my avoidance behavior. I had to do that once; then do it again; then do it again. Even though it was very uncomfortable, I needed to look for moments when I wanted to procrastinate, and I had to do the thing I wanted to avoid RIGHT NOW. Regardless of how it felt and how much my brain was going into panic mode, I had to Do The Thing without delay.

This process requires giving yourself a ton of grace. It requires rest, water and healthy food after you’ve faced up to the challenge. But each time you Do The Thing instead of using your negative coping mechanism, you are sending a signal to your brain that everything is going to be OK. After a few cycles, your brain dumps fewer panic hormones into your system. It attenuates. The discomfort lessens. You continue to do the scary thing... then, like magic, one day, the discomfort is gone.

For good.

So, what's your blue triceratops? Tell me if you struggle with procrastination or if you've mastered it, in the comments!

Keith Allen Johns is an entrepreneurship coach. He transforms his clients into new humans while he teaches them to start their own business and scale to quit their 9-5.