How To Be a Better Verbal Communicator
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Verbal communication, a valued workplace skill, is deeply tied to how we perceive ourselves and how we're perceived by others. We often have preconceived notions about what effective communication should sound like, but oftentimes those ideas are outdated or biased. To find our true “leadership voice”, we need to strike a balance between strength and warmth. To do so, think of the two traits as dials and note how they show up in your current communication style. Do you tend to be warmer or stronger, based on others’ reception? From there, you can confidently shift your style and communicate more effectively.?
Do you struggle with not knowing how to speak up or use your voice to get what you want at work? Finding it hard to express yourself when it matters the most??
If the answer is “Yes,” then you’re certainly not the only one — but you could be missing out on some benefits.
“There are so many benefits to speaking up at work and making yourself heard: You gain visibility, increase your influence, and enhance your credibility and social capital — all of which are needed to succeed at work,” writes Harvard Business Review (HBR), noting that many young professionals also don’t speak up.
Of course, not every workplace is set up in a way where all voices are valued, protected or even encouraged to chime in.?
Women, especially women of color, frequently don’t feel secure or safe enough to contribute and speak up during conversations at work. Other marginalized groups may share similar experiences. They’re labeled as too loud, combative, bossy or overconfident. It can hurt a person’s ability to want to verbalize their thoughts in a professional setting.
I spoke with speech and communication coach Samara Bay, who’s also the author of Permission to Speak, about how we all can learn to be better verbal communicators every day and find our voice, including in the moments that matter most.
The Importance of Verbal Communication
Communication is one of the most valued soft skills in the workplace.
People tend to undervalue it in certain careers or industries, but it should be just as valued as other skills, including technical (hard) ones.
Verbal communication, in particular, is important because it “encompasses both how you deliver messages and how you receive them.” Additionally, it’s very much tied to how we present ourselves at work.?
“What's the importance of verbal communication? … Here's what I believe: The way that we approach how we talk to people, how we talk about what matters to us, how we solve problems, how we pitch ideas, it's so deeply connected to our sense of identity, to how much space we take up in the world, to how much we believe our own ideas are worth taking up space,” says Bay.
“Our communication is not just about transactions of trying to get what we want — although it is — but it's also how we perform a version of ourselves every day.”
She also shares that professionals, like leaders, need to “reckon with [their] own inner voice” about what it truly means to communicate confidently and with authority. “[M]ost of us have bad advice rattling around in our heads … about how to speak properly, how to sound like an authority figure, that quite frankly are outdated and that don't serve the majority of us … who have accidentally taken in the messages that power sounds like someone else.”
Thankfully, communication (of all sorts) can be improved and strengthened at any point in your career. If you are struggling to find your voice or perhaps have been shut down in the past, let’s explore?
Finding Your “Leadership Voice”?
Becoming a better communicator — finding your voice — is all about striking a balance.?
Bay notes that this is a balance between strength and warmth.?
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You can think of warmth as being (perceived as) trustworthy, understanding, attentive or lovable. Strength deals with competency, authority, confidence and the belief that you know what you’re talking about or doing.?
This combination is one of the best ways to gain influence and lead.
“A growing body of research suggests that the way to influence—and to lead—is to begin with warmth. Warmth is the conduit of influence: It facilitates trust and the communication and absorption of ideas,” according to the Harvard Business Review (HBR). “Even a few small nonverbal signals—a nod, a smile, an open gesture—can show people that you’re pleased to be in their company and attentive to their concerns.”?
Warmth lends itself to connections, as you show others that you “hear them, understand them, and can be trusted by them.”
Easy, right? Not quite.
Everyone communicates differently and you should always strive to be authentic in any workplace interaction. Knowing when to dial into warmth or strength is tough, especially if one trait comes easier than the other.?
Learn more about "Perfecting Your Presentation" here.
The Perfect Blend of Strength and Warmth?
Here’s what Bay advises, starting with thinking of strength and warmth (parts of our personality) as dials — which she points out seem a bit clinical:?
“For each of us, if you were told that you have two separate dials, one for strength from zero to 10, where you come across as, ‘I don't know what the heck I'm talking about,’ all the way up to, ‘I'm the expert on the subject.’ And a separate dial for warmth all the way from, ‘I'm really closed off,’ to, ‘I'm really just radiating nurturing vibes.’ We probably have a natural sense of which one we may be a little bit lopsided on, based on evidence, based on how people tell us we seem.”?
If you receive feedback in response to you speaking up, such as “Wow, you're really angry,” Bay says that can mean that you’re possibly coming off more strongly than warmly. In contrast, if you’re constantly being told how nice you are after talking to someone, warmth is likely dominating.?
Your self-awareness now, regarding if you tend to be “stronger” or “warmer” in any setting, can help you in future conversations, speeches or other settings where your verbal communication is on full display.?
“[H]ow do I already show up in those moments with a real confident sense of, ‘I've got this. I am who you should come to for this. And also I've got you, I'm holding space, I'm taking care of you, I am radiating love?’” muses Bay.?
By striking an almost equal balance of the two (adjustments may need to be made based on others’ communication styles or setting), you’ll find yourself feeling more confident to speak up and voice your thoughts at work, whether it be during wage negotiations, team meetings or a personally high-stake or meaningful situation.?
When you’re communicating, it’s because you have something to say … something to contribute, something that needs to be heard or received by others, correct??
The way you’re perceived plays a big part in that. By utilizing both strength (I’ve got this) and warmth (I’ve got you) at the same time, you can more effectively draw people into whatever point you want to get across.?
Top Takeaways?
Verbal communication, a valued workplace soft skill, is deeply tied to how we’re perceived by others and ourselves. Here’s how to make the most of it:?