How to Be a Better Ally Now

The time for standing on the sidelines is over. A clear line has been drawn in the sand. Saying, “I’m not a racist” isn’t enough anymore. It’s a sentence anyone can say, but it has no meaning in today’s cultural context. These days, if you’re not explicitly working to become anti-racist, you are complicit with racism in your silence. If you’re a leader, you really need to understand this. You have to decide which side of history you want to be on.

I assume that all people who consider themselves good humans are actively working to become anti-racist. All the books on the topic are selling like hotcakes. But I also get a lot of questions. “What should I do?” People want to know how they can make the biggest difference given their spheres of influence. Excellent.

Here are some ways you can be a better ally:

1. Do the work. Don’t just read the books, although it is a place to start. But understand that people don’t change their behaviors just by reading a book. If they could, the self-help industry wouldn’t be a $10 Billion industry. Also, when you do read, please read books by Black, Brown, Indigenous, and Asian/Pacific Island peoples. As one of my mentors, Louiza Doran says, “white can’t see whiteness.” So anti-racism books written by white people is just weird. I recommend So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo. She writes in a down to earth, compassionate style. She targets several different challenges people have with people of color. She primarily uses her perspective as a Black woman.
2. Understand your unconscious biases. We all have them. Our brains are hard wired to sort for safety. Safety means sameness to the limbic system. 80,000 years of evolution, but that hasn’t changed. Go to https://implicit.harvard.edu and take some of the tests to uncover your biases. But please don’t go into a shame spiral when you find out you’re biased. You can’t live in this country without being biased. Once you have awareness, you can catch yourself. I catch myself every day thinking racist lies that I was fed by teachers, parents, and the media. But I catch them, and retrain myself. What do I do to retrain myself? I simply remind myself that I know nothing about the person my brain just judged. I remind myself that no race or ethnicity is a monolith. Every single one of us is a complex, unique human.
3. Work with a BBIPOC anti-educator to understand your privilege. Bring your humility along for the ride. For your whole life (if you’re white), you’ve absorbed the message that you’re great. I'm not talking about the messages your caregivers and teachers gave you. I'm talking about the cultural message that white is superior. That message is everywhere. It’s the unwritten standard for how to do and be in the world. Follow them on social media. But more importantly, pay them to educate you. I work with Louiza Doran and Myisha Hill (links in the comments section).
4. If you see something, say something. In real time. This one can be tricky. You don’t want to fall into the white saviorism trap. To avoid that, be curious. If you hear a subtle act of aggression (aka micro-aggression), ask the person who said it what they meant. If something happens in a meeting and you don’t know how to address it, ask the person it was directed at if and how they want your support. My only exception to the curiosity rule is this: if someone is being physically harmed, step in. If it’s not physically safe to do so, start recording what’s happening. 
5. Open your eyes to the real problem with racism: its systemic nature. For starters, read How to Be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi. (I know I said don't just read books, but this one's a must-read if you want to understand systemic racism) Watch the Netflix documentary Thirteenth to understand how we have been failing our Black and Brown brothers and sisters since the end of slavery. Yes, there are individuals who are deliberately racist. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as getting rid of the “bad apples.” The profound inequity between white people and BBIPOC is staggering. And it didn’t happen because of a few bad apples. The system isn’t broken. It was deliberately fixed to work like this. And it’s long past time to change the policies and laws that are keeping people of color from benefiting from the way things work around here.

Will you join me in being a better ally? Because #Blacklivesmatter. And until Black lives really do matter, none of us are free. These allyship tips are relevant for all the "isms" facing marginalized people, but I see #Blacklivesmatter as the biggest lever to change the systems.