How to Best Support a Loved One with a Non-Drug or Alcohol Addiction

The following is adapted from my new book, Boot Straps & Bra Straps: The Formula to Go from Rock Bottom Back into Action in Any Situation.

Addictions to drugs and alcohol are, unfortunately, widespread, and therefore, get a lot of attention. But what can you do if a loved one is dealing with a non-drug or alcohol addiction? Is overcoming it an entirely different beast?

Addictions like gambling or eating disorders are similar to substance-abuse addictions, but they also require their own distinct approaches. 

Let’s take a closer look at how you can best support someone whose addiction experience doesn’t involve drugs or alcohol so they can move beyond the dependence that is holding them back.

Don’t Fuel the Fire of Addiction

With any addiction, drugs, alcohol, or otherwise, it’s critical that you as a supporter aren’t making the situation worse. When you feed an addiction by giving it attention, you fuel it on an energetic realm. 

As Tony Robbins says, “Energy goes where attention flows.”

It’s important to not fuel that fire.

Put your energy on the things that you can control and change in your life. What can you do as a parent or partner in a relationship? What are the things you can control? Because you can’t control another human being. 

You can control how you give attention when the person with the addiction has a success, when they’re really making the effort, when they are going to get help or going to a treatment center—that’s when you give the attention. You can focus on that and on their strengths and remind them of who they really are outside of the addiction. You’re supporting every little teeny-tiny good effort.

The message is: “I love you. Because I love you, I’m not going to support you when you’re doing this.” Support your loved one without enabling them or fueling the addiction fire.

Move Your Loved One Away from Their Addiction

When someone is fighting a non-drug or alcohol addiction, the concept is going to be the same, but the treatment is different. As a supporter, it’s important to understand the nature of their particular addiction so you know when and how to intervene. You want everything you do to move them away from their addiction, not toward it.

There are certain levels of a relationship where you might step in. For example, you can keep your loved one active and give them fun things to do that take them out of the place they use addiction to escape. You’re doing something to get them out of that mental state or place of feeling down that brings them to that addiction sometimes.

Ask yourself, “What can I change in their addictive pattern?”

For example, if your friend has a shopping addiction, you don’t want to necessarily say, “Hey let’s stop shopping.” 

Instead, your message might be, “Hey, let’s take a road trip. Let’s go to the gym. Let’s go dancing.” Then you’re taking them away from it and replacing it with something as a couple, as a parent, or as a friend. You’re redirecting the focus without having the discussion about shopping. Then they’re having fun and they didn’t have to face that issue for a while.

Surround Them with Positivity

Addiction is often a way for someone to cope with negative emotions, so as much as possible, you want to help the person with the addiction feel loved, supported, and positive. 

Compliment them on things that are real. Not a fake compliment, but a real, heartfelt compliment on the positive things. Positive reinforcement helps them want to continue doing whatever earned that compliment. 

Nobody wants to be criticized. Constructive criticism, especially when someone’s in a place of going into an addiction as a coping mechanism for everything else that’s going on in their life, is not really helpful. They don’t need you to throw a rock at them right now. They’re already hurting. You see that they’re hurting. Give them a hand and help them up. Get them out of that mental state, and go do something else. Let them see that it’s coming from love, so they feel only love.

Keep Communication Open and Judgement Free

Regardless of the specifics of your loved one’s addiction, the message you want to send them is “I’m here and I’m going to support you as best I can.” If they aren’t ready to talk now, maybe they will be soon. Be there when they’re ready.

Staying positive around your loved one, moving them away from addictive situations, and simply making yourself available are the best ways you can support them as they work toward recovery. 

For more advice on addiction, you can find the book:  Boot Straps & Bra Straps “The Formula to Go From Rock Bottom and Back into Action in Any situation”  on Amazon.

Sheila Mac’s innate ability to find a glimmer of light in even the darkest of situations sets her apart from other mentors. With a focus on “Life-Style Re-Boots,” Sheila’s mission is to teach women how to find that light, as well. Along with speaking, teaching online courses, and coaching individuals, Sheila has also been a property investor and real estate team leader at Keller Williams in Beverly Hills. Through her book Boot Straps & Bra Straps, Sheila shows up for all the women who have shown up over and over for the people in their lives and now need someone to show up for them.