How to benefit from trauma tearing you in two

This is the second instalment in my series of writing that was too hot to put into ‘How To Get To Great Ideas’. The first four parts of this series are about ‘involuntary divergence’ - the stuff that makes us valuably different from the majority. 

This section was an especially difficult one to write. Trauma is such a broad topic. And talking to anyone who’s dealing with the aftermath of a recent traumatic event is often like poking at a raw nerve. Even people who’ve undergone similar kinds of trauma can have very different experiences. 

So I did lots of research. I wrote lots of stuff. I deleted lots of stuff. I rewrote and I reduced. Because I wanted to write something that didn’t come across as being insensitive. I didn’t want to reopen wounds. But I also wanted to be straightforward enough to be helpful. That was a tricky line to walk. And I’m not sure I succeeded. 

Like most people my age, I’ve gone through a number of traumatic situations of different levels of intensity. All of them have changed me in some way. That’s left me with multiple before and after perspectives. So in the words of Walt Whitman “I contain multitudes”.

Ultimately that’s the message I was trying to get across in this short section. Because these multitudes give you more perspectives, experiences and knowledge. These multitudes can make you better at solving problems. These multitudes can become our friends.  

How to benefit from trauma tearing you in two

Trauma can be a particularly sensitive topic. Normally people will only talk about the negative aspects of it and focus on recovery. We're not going to do that. We're only going to be looking at the potential positive outcomes from unfortunate events.

For our definition, trauma refers to any event that has a life-changing consequence for someone. It leaves the person fundamentally changed in a way that forces them to adapt to life after the event. It can refer to traumatic injury or any form of mental or emotional trauma.  

Without making light of what anyone has been through, there is always a glimmer of silver thread at the edges of even the darkest clouds for those who search for it.

There's an oft-repeated story about two brothers that motivational speakers like to tell. They were both brought up by an abusive, alcoholic father. He beat them and belittled them and took out his own frustrations on them. One of the boys grew up to be an abusive alcoholic just like his father. The other grew up to be a respected businessman and a pillar of the community. When each of them was asked why he turned out the way he did, they responded with the same answer: "With a father like that, what else could I do?"  

This isn't about saying "just get over it". Quite the opposite, in fact. It's inviting you to take your experience and find something you can turn into a positive. It may take time before you can do that. It may take work. But it's in there somewhere.  

One man who did that was Vitale Bramani. In 1935, he led a disastrous expedition into the Italian Alps. An unexpected snowstorm and heavy fog led to the death of six members of his team. It was devastating for him and he was determined to prevent future fatalities. One of the reasons for the situation was the hobnailed boots the climbers wore. So he set to work creating a better alternative that offered more flexibility and grip. More than eighty years later, the company he built still manufactures vulcanised rubber soles for brands like Merrell, Timberland and Prada.

Trauma gives a person two perspectives: a before and an after. And it often reveals issues that need to be dealt with. The experience - unpleasant as it is - gives a person a more varied knowledge-base and forces them to pick up new skills. The process of redefining who you are is also likely to give you more empathy for others. This ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes is important for effective problem-solving.

As someone who's been through bereavement, divorce and cancer treatment, I know I can relate to others who are experiencing these very same things. I don't ever claim to understand what they're going through but I can empathise and have the permission to talk about their situation in a way other people can't.

As the searing pain of trauma dies down to a dull ache, the silver thread becomes more visible. And on the journey, you'll have collected a lot more dots that have the potential to become the foundation of new ideas.

There are quite a few more of these pieces to come. I had to cut about 20,000 words from my manuscript, after all! You can see last week’s post on diversity here. And there’ll be another post next week. And the week after. And for several weeks beyond that. 

But it’s probably best to just read the stuff that actually made it into the book by searching for ‘How To Get To Great Ideas’ in your local book store or Amazon.