How being the parent of a kid on the spectrum has made me a better dad, manager, and person.

It's a day you don't forget. It's a moment in time that plays in slow motion yet a million thoughts are all going off at the same time. The emotions are all over the place. Fear. Confusion. Curiosity. Care. So many questions flood into your mind all at once, yet you don't think you even know the right questions to ask. The moment? You child was just diagnosed with Autism.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD or Autism) is a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain. Studies have shown that it is genetic. People with ASD are born with it. The CDC found in a study that 1 in 36 8-year old kids has ASD. One of the key words in ASD is "spectrum". People on the spectrum can range from very minor symptoms to completely disabled.

For me, it was 2017 and my daughter was 19 months old. I had suspected something was different with her since she was 3 months old. She liked to move her hands and feet in circles, all at the same time. She also would raise her shoulders repeatedly when she was happy. Her pediatrician didn't think there was anything wrong, people in our community didn't see it, even mom didn't see it. But I did. So, I pushed for an evaluation. We were connected with Children's Mercy in Kansas City, MO. After a 2 hour evaluation with two doctors, waiting for 30 minutes while they compared notes, the doctors came to us and said, "Your daughter has level 2 Autism." Wow... Um... Dang...

What came next was lots of research, questions, processing, and observations. What I want to share next is how having a kid on the spectrum has impacted me personally and professionally.

My daughter is amazing. She's unique. She thinks about things in a completely different way than I do. She sees things from a perspective that is different than mine. She is smart. She feels emotions deeply. She communicates in unique ways. She listens and receives instruction and feedback in ways that are different than me.

When you read the previous paragraph and think about the people in your life. These characteristics of my daughter are not unique to someone with Autism. In order to parent my daughter well, I have had to study her. Not just information on Autism and medical journals and those types of things. I've had to study her. How she thinks, receives instruction, communicates, etc. I've also had to change. Yes, I have had to change. I've learned that I can't force her to hear me the way I communicate. I can't force her to act the way I would act. I've had to meet her where she is at and change my way of communicating with her. This is the greatest skillset I have developed that has transformed my parenting, friendships, and managerial style, skills, and effectiveness. When I am working with my employees, I study them. How they think, how they process things, what brings them joy, what is uncomfortable for them, etc. Then I change how I communicate with them.

I had two employees in my office once. We were working on an issue and trying to find a solution. One was a developer. The other was a database administrator. I explained the same approach to each of them in completely different ways. The developer looked at me with bewilderment. He asked, "Do you change the way you talk to people based on their role?" Why, yes I do. :-)

The other way I have grown is in my ability to appreciate the differences in people. My daughter is completely different from my other kids. She shows me affection by walking up to me and lowering her head and pressing into my belly or back. Different, but I love that. She also says yes and no with her face. If she's in a tough situation and is having a hard time processing everything, I can ask a yes or no question and, based on her expression, can tell if her answer is yes or no. Different, but I love that. When I apply this to my other kids, my wife, and my employees, I study them. I appreciate their uniqueness. I value their perspective.

Raising a kid with Autism isn't easy. But man, she's amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm a better person because of her.