HOW TO BEHAVE IF YOU ARE A PARENT OF A TEENAGER?

If you are a parent of a teenager, the three most important words for you are:

1. PATIENCE (a lot of it),
2. OPEN COMMUNICATION (without taboos) and
3. BOUNDARIES (it is wrong to think that teenagers don't like boundaries; they help them manage in the social environment, communication with their parents and accepting the responsibilities for their behavior).

Every parent wants to know how to behave or how to handle a teenager. So here are some tips:

1. BE THERE FOR YOUR TEENAGE CHILD-It means that you will talk with your child when he or she?wants to, about the preferred topic, without taboos, openly and sincerely; it means that you will show him or her support when he or she needs it ; your child will know if you are there for him or her as well if you are not.

2. LET YOUR TEENAGE CHILD MAKE MISTAKES-and learn from it. Remember that your child is still growing up, doesn't know many things about the world, relationships, himself/herself and you have to let them make mistakes and learn from it; don't judge them to hard, remember what you were like in his or her age and what mistakes you made.

3. CREATE BOUNDARIES-teenagers love boundaries and structure. They love to know what is what and what do you expect of them. They need to know as far as they can go in their behavior and what will the consequences be.

4. ACCEPT ALL THEIR EMOTIONS-teenagers feel all emotions but sometimes they show only anger and behave irritable. It is your assignment to watch over your child and to try to find out what lies behind that anger and such behavior. Sometimes they come from school and behave aggressively, maybe they had a quarrel with their friends or somebody abuse him or her (verbally, physically...), or got a bad mark... Your task is to get to the bottom of it. At start you pretend you don't notice such behavior and then after some time?try to talk by trying to validate her or his emotion, by asking if it is something serious you can help with...

5. DON'T EXAGGERATE WITH TALK-some parents think they need to tell their child about life, how to behave and so on. They do, but not with so many words and not to seem like nagging. Less words that guess the essence - the better.

6. ALWAYS TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM-it is very important for them?to feel and know that you accept and love them as they are.?

7. SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH THEM-what you liked or disliked as a teenager, how you behaved, what you experienced, how you felt about some things, what mistakes you made...

8. ACCEPT THEM-try to understand how they feel, how hard some situations and feelings are for them, what they are going through, especially do not judge them...

7. YOU CAN JUST CRITICIZE THEIR BEHAVIOR-not their being, don't call them rude names. Critic is a call to change behavior and you can tell them what of their behavior you don't like, why and what aspect of their behavior you think they need to change. The critic must be given not as an absolute truth but as your opinion...

8. BE PREPARED TO NEGOTIATE-you have one idea but be prepare to hear you child and accept its proposition about some situation, behavior, event.

9. BE AWARE OF YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR-children, especially teenagers listen and hear less but watch more. They are watching over your behavior and if you talk one thing and act differently and not accordingly your talk, be prepared to be told about it and criticized.

10. BE CONSISTENT-in your demands, opinion, boundaries, punishments...Explain them why they are punished and why you chose that precise punishment...

11. DO NOT LIE-try to be as honest as possible.

12. SPEND A QUALITY TIME WITH THEM-through activities you both like and can enable you to talk-go to cinema, theater, concerts together, do sports or other interesting activities you both like.

13. KEEP YOUR PROMISES-or do not promise at all. It strengthens trust.

?Kocevska Sladjana

Psychologist

[email protected]

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