How Becoming a Dad Made Me a Better Leader

I usually work late – to say that I am a workaholic is an understatement. Regardless, I got married in 2012 and after 5 long years with the mindset of "never giving up", we finally welcomed our baby - Kin Ng - in 2018. With that, my family grew and my responsibilities doubled. I had to take care of my mum, my dad, my wife, and my son - all while my workdays end at 9/10 PM. Nevertheless, as with all changes, you will learn and improve if you allow yourself to. Now that I am a dad, I realise that I can be a better leader. While I have always been able to manage my team (I've bagged multiple awards for Top Team Performance while managing over 60 people in the organization and the Best Manager of The Year Award), leading now comes naturally to me. Here's how:

1. To get what you want – you need to be clear with what you need.

Have you experienced "returning home after they have gone to sleep only to leave before they've woken up" one too many times? My wife and I have thoroughly discussed this issue – do we try to get our baby to sleep early like normal babies? We've concluded that it cannot be done because when I'm home, I want to play with my baby; I want to talk to him and I want to carry him around. I need to spend as much time with him as I can. This stems from the paternal guidance that I lacked in my childhood. After speaking to my wife, we decided that we would organically teach him to stay up a little later (regulating his sleep time and duration so that he has the essential amount of sleep for his age) and in this way, I can spend the time I want with him.

Similarly, within the workweek, I will need to know what my team has done, what they've learned and what they are going to do. As such, the whole team comes in at 8:30 AM on Mondays (usual start time is at 9 AM) and discusses those three exact things. We go into detail on work and sometimes provide updates on our personal lives: what we did over the weekend, interesting events, etc. We do this for the same reason I want my baby to stay up later - so that I can learn more about them, keep up with their growth and find out how I can contribute to their development. I can tell them what I need from them – in terms of work, projects, prospects, targets – but I too, need to listen to what they need. It's important to remember that people are a collection of experiences – good, bad, difficult and exciting – and these experiences will change the way they interact with you. Do you want to be someone who only blasts out what you want and need or do you want to be someone who supports his/her employees to be the best they can be?

2. Sometimes, 24 hours is not enough.

No matter how busy I may be, I'm still able to make time for my family. I do not want to regret missing out on my son's milestones – his first steps, his first words. Both my parents were rarely home. This why I place so much emphasis on family and the time that I spend with them. If I am not working on weekends, I spend time with my son, taking him out, or bringing him to swimming lessons. And if I have to work on weekends, I will bring him to my home office or on work trips so that he can accompany me during or after I'm done working. However, it's never easy to juggle your position as leader of a team or company in addition to your position as leader of a household. As such, I've come to understand the importance of time management.

Sometimes, I spring a new project on the team with an unreasonable deadline (i.e. letting them know at 1 PM that I need a video cut up, edited and refined by 3 PM). When this occurs, I make sure to guide them through the structure of what I need so that they can deliver the finished product that I need with minimised back and forth on execution. When my team tells me that they need a little bit more time – I give it to them. Unless, of course, it's a time crunch given by the client. Then, I push them and provide them the resources they need to meet the goal and/or target set. I find that work is endless – but I don't allow myself to think, "Oh no, there's so much work. I don't know where to start and I don't want to start". Procrastination is the killer of productivity. Instead, of wasting time, I have 'priority lists' and the mindset of, "If I want to push my team to meet deadlines, I must also meet deadlines to set an example". I find myself using my travel time on the phone to make sales calls, catch up with clients, and update my team on what needs to be done next. With this small change, I stop myself from procrastinating and from letting my work pile up - giving me the precious few extra minutes with my son after I clock off.

3. Time does not have to be spent in a huff.

I spend - give or take - 50 hours a week working. When I get home, I am tired but I don't let my exhaustion cause me to be short-fused or easily angered with them because that would be unfair – it's not their fault my meeting did not go well or my team was unable to hit their targets for the day. With the little time I have with my family at the start or end of the day, I don't want to waste it in a bad mood. Little instances of indecision on the dinner venue or getting puke on my new shoes do not need to be met with explosions of anger – why turn a problematic situation into an impossible one? How will we, as a family, grow and learn from our weaknesses if every difficult situation is met with further negativity and more problems than solutions?

When things don't go well, my first instinct isn't to decide where to point fingers and place the blame. When the sales process is done a certain way and it boggles me as to why, I don't immediately say, "What the hell is this? No, I do not accept this. It has to be done in this way…". Instead, I ask why – why were things done differently? Sure, SOPs are there for a reason, but sometimes (especially with the younger generation), the team can come up with a more effective way of producing the same results with less wasted resources. By constantly dictating all systems and processes, innovation is lost. How will you then keep up with the rest of your competitors? By maintaining a calm disposition that encourages your team to put out their opinions, you are more likely to build a strong team that will not fear risk and will instead embrace change. When this happens, I commend them for their innovation and give them more space to make changes that will ultimately grow the company's productivity, uniqueness and brand image.

4. If I can praise my son for using his spoon correctly (even if half its contents fall on the floor), why can't I praise my team for their small, every day success too?

I find myself looking forward to the new things that Kin accomplishes – no matter how little. From throwing his cookie wrappers into the bin to basic use of cutlery at dinner, every little thing that he does – I praise him, I clap, I laugh, I pull out my phone to record him and then I plaster his accomplishment all over my social media (yes - I'm one of those parents). It's innate in me to be proud of him and his successes. Why isn't it innate in me to do the same for my team?

Some employers view rewarding small successes as "babying" their employees. Some employers view it as recognising their ability to reach goals, targets and even make positive changes to their day-to-day routines. I am now more of the latter. Initially, I did not utter words of praise – I never received them in my time as an employee (or even while I was growing up). However, with Kin, I see a visible difference when I praise him and when I don't. He tries harder or repeats the action; sometimes he laughs and claps along with me when I say he's done well. Of course, it's not the same situation with my team and my employees, but it is very much a human trait to appreciate being appreciated. Some employees are solely motivated by the recognition of their efforts while some simply have better days because they have received praise. Additionally, Kin doesn't realise that he's done something good if I don't praise him and consequently, I don't see him repeat the action. Likewise, if I don't let my team know what they've done well, they might never repeat their achievements or feel the need to improve.

If you are busy like me, take the time to video call your family at lunchtime; I'm pretty sure that the smiles from your baby, wife, or mom will give you the boost you need to get through the rest of your day! And if you don't already have kids, spend some time observing and getting to know your employees. You might unlock a hidden talent or a need that has yet to be met that can easily be remedied to contribute to the team's success.

Looking to grow your leadership abilities or to manage your time better to maximise efficiency? Click on the links in the article for more tips and nuggets of experiential wisdom. If you feel like you need more hands-on (and industry-specific guidance), drop us your details below!