How To Become S.E.C.U.R.E.

Abe Brown, MBA, M.R.Ed, PCC We all wrestle with insecurity to some degree. Some really struggle with it, while others may not have as much difficulty with it. However, it affects us all in one way or another. Insecurity, at its core, is uncertainty about yourself—it’s a lack of confidence. But part of insecurity is the state of being open to danger. And when you are insecure and prone to danger, something happens in your brain. Your brain goes from a place of safety to a place of stress and anxiousness.

When you don’t feel safe, it causes you to stop operating at your best. This comes down to the story you tell yourself (and we’re all telling ourselves a story). And that narrative is either empowering or disempowering. And the more disempowering the story, the more stress we feel because our brain doesn’t feel safe. So, you have to move from insecurity to security. And in this post, I’m going to show you how. Keep reading to learn more.?

1. Share Your Current Self-Worth With a Safe Person

You need to tell someone about your current self-worth. This person should be someone you trust and have a strong rapport with. So, what’s the power here in this first step? Here’s the deal: if you name it, you can tame it. You walking carrying the burden of a low-self worth alone is not helping you. So, if you have an unstable sense of worth and value, please find a safe person to talk to. You gotta grab a friend, have a drink, and have a serious conversation.?

This will be one of the most transformational things you can do. It’s amazing what can happen when you put thoughts to words. Insecurity vanishes quickly. It’s as if it loses the majority of its power just by you verbalizing it.?

2. Explore How You Got There?

If you’re explaining things to your safe person and you create a sense of rapport together, the next question should be, “How did you get here?” I don’t think this has to take a decade with a therapist. Some people may need that; however, for most of us, we know where it started. It could have been an abusive upbringing, a traumatic school experience, etc.?

But you need to start digging into and exploring the events that led to your feelings of insecurity. These experiences need to be acknowledged and brought to the surface. The problem arises when we try to stuff them down and ignore them. That’s not healthy or loving to yourself.?

3. Choose to See How You Would Want to See You

My father abandoned me when I was a small child. For years, that act told me a story about what I was worth. I mean, my own dad walked out on me. That was his issue, but it very quickly became mine because I chose to see myself the way I thought he saw me. Looking back at it, I don’t think he walked out because he had an issue with me—I was a baby.?

He walked out because of his own issues—his own demons he was dealing with. But for years, I told myself the story that I wasn’t worth anything because my dad walked out. The point I want to make is that you can’t let other people’s actions and opinions about you affect how you view yourself.?

You have to choose the way YOU want to see you. So, ask yourself: How do you want to see you? This is really important. You’re not who society, the culture, your teachers, your parents, your peers, or anyone else says you are.?

Here’s a simple exercise on how you should view yourself. Think of how you would want your children to see themselves. I bet you’d want them to view themselves as bright, beautiful, capable, strong, empowered, etc. Now, if you would want that for your own kids, then please, make that choice for yourself.??

4. Use Boundaries & Surround Yourself with Positive People

Can I make a strong statement? It will be very difficult for you to develop a high level of security if you continue to surround yourself with people who tear your security down. It’s literally psychologically impossible. If you hang around people who are constantly trying to belittle you, talk you down, or “cancel” you, then, of course, you won’t feel very secure about yourself.?

So, sometimes, you have to use boundaries. Boundaries are when you put your foot down and lovingly but firmly state what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour to you.

5. Reject Comparison

So many people find themselves insecure (including myself, by the way) when they start comparing themselves to others. They go on social media and get caught in the “death scroll,” comparing themselves to someone they’ve never even met on the other side of the planet. You have to reject comparison because you are not like anybody else. Comparison is not healthy, holistic, or helpful. So, please cut it out.?

6. Enjoy Life!

I can promise you that your life will be filled with moments where you can either embrace depression or enjoy life. But the great part is that you get to choose. You can embrace the negative aspects of life, or you can embrace the positive aspects. It’s all up to you and where you decide to place your focus and attention. Can I invite you to do the latter?

A good start would be to practice gratitude, make self-compassion a habit, or even celebrate when you see growth and progress in your journey. Instead of whining about how you don’t have “this” or “that,” try just to enjoy life. Enjoy what you do have.?

Conclusion

You can find security by honoring and celebrating who you are. That’s the most important part. And once you find that secure place, your life will explode into change as a direct result. And we at Certified Flourishing Coach want to help you get there! Our team of coaches and facilitators works from an evidence-based system to create lasting change in your life, personally and professionally. So, if you’re ready to flourish, contact us today to learn more.?

About the Author

Abe Brown, MBA, CMCT, CPHSA is the Coach’s Coach, and is an Entrepreneur, Professional Speaker, International Best-Selling Author, and High-Performance Leadership Coach. He is the founder of Certified Flourishing Coaching??and Flourishing Workplace. Abe is also the author of the Certified Flourishing Coaching? Programs.