How to #BeBetter

I’ve been mostly social media silent since my post last Thursday morning. Like any issue or problem that arises, I took the time to listen, evaluate and formulate actionable plans. I am well aware that I may not have considered every aspect, nor can I single-handedly solve it all but I put forward the below in hopes of moving the needle even a little bit.

First some musings in no particular order:

• My Thursday post was in response to an interaction I personally witnessed the night before between a man I didn’t previously know and with my friend and colleague Stefanie Bier . At the upstairs bar of Three Monkeys a few blocks from the Hilton, this person walked over to me, Stefanie and Rachi Messing . He was holding a drink that was definitely one too many. After making some small talk he quickly turned his attention to Stef and began saying inappropriate things to her. She very firmly told him to stop and to move away from her. He did not do so, and as his aggressiveness towards her amped up I intervened. I calmly asked him to respect her wishes and move along. At this point he pulled a knife out and held it up to my neck. I backed away and was able to deescalate the situation and move out of the immediate danger. The bar staff called the police and moved us to a room out of his view. The police arrived, arrested him and took him away. Another person at the bar let us know his name and that he worked in the industry. Kudos to Reveal for acting swiftly and terminating him Thursday morning.? I didn’t include any of this in my original post because after mentioning it to a few female colleagues and hearing each one relay at least one story from that week, I quickly started to understand that this was not an isolated incident. While this was an extreme example of an escalation redirected towards me, there was a broader issue and that’s where the focus needed to be.
• Like Farrah Pepper and CAT CASEY have said “this was not a problem with Legalweek. This was just another week in legal”. ? And like Deeanna Fleener has pointed out it’s “not all men”. But it is affecting EVERY woman. Every woman has dealt with it and is on constant alert. Many do not feel safe and have to change their activities and interactions on a regular basis. This impacts their lives and their careers.
• Yes, it’s been going on and happening forever. And yes, I am a man bringing it up this time. And yes it will have to be brought up again in the future. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make an attempt at an impactful change right now.
• The men in the industry don’t, for the most part, have to think about who we are with or where we are going. We understand that you are, and we are committed to a future where you feel the same way we do. We naively assumed that in a post #metoo / #timesup world, things had improved. They haven’t and we didn’t notice. We don’t always pick up on the nuances of your facial expressions detailing your discomfort that other women recognize from across the room and come to check to make sure you are OK. When things happen, you don’t always bring it to our attention for a myriad of reasons. I have had countless conversations the last few days where I have been told of incidents that occurred feet away from where I was at the time, of which I was totally unaware. I get it - it's uncomfortable or possibly embarrassing to talk about. You may fear that there will be repercussions if you do. Or unfortunately you feel it just won't matter at all so what's the point? We need to notice these things and we have to make sure talking about it does matter. There are men in the industry whom you know and trust. Please be frank and honest with them. We can and want to help.
• I have been made aware that some of the men who have committed these acts are the very same ones commenting on posts about having woman’s backs and standing as allies. Are they are using it as a cover, were too drunk to remember what they did, or are that narcissistic? Who knows, but it is a reality that makes everything all the more difficult.
• I have a wife, daughters, and a son. My perspective on social issues is shaped by a sense of morality, not solely because of them, but they undeniably impact how I think. My wife's work as a domestic violence counselor, active involvement in rallies, and support for important causes play a significant role in shaping our family's views. While I am a strong advocate for universal support on these issues, it's only natural for my thoughts to gravitate towards my family first. Some individuals, expressing a similar sentiment with comments like "I have daughters," have faced pushback. However, it's perfectly okay for people to frame the situation through the lens of their personal connections, acknowledging the impact their loved ones have on their perspectives.
• The posts from individuals has been strong. The response from COMPANIES has been notably quieter. If you are in a position to address this publicly on behalf of your company, do so. If you aren’t, make sure your leadership is aware and push them to step up and join the conversation.
• Is it worse in #legaltech than other industries? I don’t know. I can’t even say anecdotally. And I doubt there’s concrete data to shed light on this currently.? What I do know is that it most definitely IS in #legaltech and that’s where I spend most of my time and know the most people. I care about the industry and the individuals so it needs to be better.
• Conference and event organizers have a responsibility to ensure safety and promote equitable inclusion.

Many people have reached out to me to see how they can help or have started on initiatives to work through these complex issues.? Thanks for coming forward and offering to help. Marla Crawford and Stephanie Goutos thanks for stepping up with actions.? To avoid wasting resources or duplicating efforts, I feel there needs to be a unified major effort. It will need structure and organization, potential funding mechanisms, political clout, influence, and no fear. The friends that I know in leadership roles at Women in eDiscovery? (including Samantha Mather and Maribel Rivera ) lead me to believe that they are best positioned to spearhead and take lead here.?

Where does this leave us? As I said at the start of this article, after listening and evaluating what I have heard we now must formulate actionable plans. Having a unified response is just the tip of the spear and there are both Proactive and Reactive steps we can now be taking. I will kick off the conversation in the comments with the list of actions I believe we need to do to #BeBetter.