How to Create Team Players in a Selfie-Obsessed World...

CBS news reports that over 93 million selfies are taken worldwide every day. Each week 17 million of those selfies find their way onto the internet. 

The concept of taking a selfie isn't a new thing. People have taken images of themselves since the 1920s. However, technology has fueled an explosion of self-referencing images (and behaviors):

• Toddlers take selfies
• People create their own avatars
• Oxford Dictionary named selfie the 2013 Word of the Year

It's fair to say that we live in a selfie-obsessed world and, by most accounts, millennials are leading the charge.

Pew Research Center found that 55% of adults between the ages of 18 and 33 had posted a selfie to a social media site. That compares to Generation X (24%) and Baby Boomers (9%). 

Even my 85-year-old father takes an occasional selfie!

Jennifer Ouellette, a science writer whose latest book is "Me, Myself and Why: Searching for the Science of Self" suggests that the obsession with selfies is a positive thing as it helps people (especially millennials) find their identities. 

This may very well be true; however, demonstrating selfie-like behavior can be detrimental to a person's reputation and influence.

I'm not saying your co-worker pulls out a smartphone at your staff meeting to capture the perfect image of himself. He does dominate conversations and fails to listen to the input of others. Whenever 'that person' starts talking, people shutdown and look toward the door to escape the room (or even the organization). 

Get enough of these people in your organization and eventually everyone is:

• Talking past one another. Failing to truly hear what the other has to say.
• Rejecting, out of hand, the ideas from others and failing to collaborate.
• One-upping each other with personal stories that serve only to stroke the teller's ego.
• Competing to see who is the busiest, most connected, most informed. In doing so, losing sight of results, teamwork, and the organization's goals.

If you are experiencing these behaviors today, see signs of them bubbling up throughout the organization, or simply want to avoid them in the future, I'd suggest you encourage everyone (starting with yourself) to have three quick conversation to increase openness, self-awareness, and positive interaction.

#1: Understanding Conversation

When a colleague is speaking, have you ever caught yourself focusing less on what the person is saying and more on how you intend to dazzle him with a brilliant response?

Maybe you pick up on a few key words, wait for the speaker to pause, and seize the moment to unload your thoughts. 

If you find yourself in this situation, consider having this self-awareness conversation. To avoid potentially hijacking the conversation, smart leaders say something like this:

• “Let me make sure I understand your perspective, I heard you say…”
• “I have a thought that I think will be helpful, but stop me if I’m going astray.”
• “Might I share something you might find helpful?”

#2: Intention Conversation

Left to their own devices, people will fill in the motives about a certain behavior. So, if you begin a comment with, “when I was at XYZ company we…” What may run through the minds of others is this lady sure likes to talk about herself.

That may not have been your intent, but that’s is the other person's perception.

If you find yourself in the situation where you feel your past might be relevant, consider some of these self-awareness words that smart leaders put to use:

• “I’d like to share an experience from my past company that I think you might find useful. Would that be ok?"
• “Might it be helpful if I tell you about something I ran into in the past?”
• “This reminds me of an experience I once had, I’m going to share it. If you find it helpful terrific, – if not, stop me.”

#3: Blindspot Conversation

Some cars come installed with a device to help drivers avoid blindspots. If a driver is about to change lanes and accidentally hit a car that sits in the blind spot, a device warns him of the possible accident.

Unfortunately, such devices don’t exist at work. So, you walk into a situation and fail to realize that your approach is putting others off…a way to avoid this is to gain counsel from someone who can help you manage a blind spot.

Be proactive and have a self-awareness conversation about blindspots. Reach out to a colleague and use one of these smart leader expressions:

• “I want to make sure that when I talk about past experiences, that I’m adding value, would you help me in that regard?”
• “If you think my past work might provide useful insight, would you be willing to ask me to share?”
• “Has there been any times where I’ve walked into a blind spot and negatively impacted my credibility as a leader?”

I wish you all the best as you lead yourself, your team, and your organization!

Final Thought: Swinging from total self-referencing behavior (one extreme) to refraining from speaking or constantly deferring to others (the other extreme) is counterproductive. The key is to strike the right balance.

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Best - Patrick