How to Avoid Getting Trapped in Your Own Thought Patterns

In this article, I want us to talk about how our perspectives on life, events, and relationships sometimes limit us and how we can expand our minds and perspectives.

Lately, I've noticed in myself, in conversations I've been part of, and in my coaching sessions that we often look at certain issues from a very narrow frame. It's as if there's only one right way, one solution, one explanation, one possibility for something. However, we live in a universe of infinite possibilities. Yet, sometimes we unknowingly imprison ourselves in the bars of our minds.

I have a favorite quote from Viktor Frankl, who says,

"Our attitude toward life is our ultimate and greatest freedom. Our perspective has the power to keep us alive or lead us to our death."

So, let's brainstorm a bit today. How can we look at situations where we feel stuck from different angles? How can we push the limits of our thoughts and, so to speak, mold them like playdough to find more creative, liberating solutions to the problems in our lives and the question marks in our minds?

Getting Stuck in Thought Patterns

One of the things I encounter the most is the certain patterns in our minds. Being trapped within those patterns, not being able to see that there might be a different solution beyond the walls we've built in our minds. We might call it mental blindness. But sometimes a curtain falls on our minds, making it seem like there is only one way to achieve something or do something, and if the current conditions are not favorable, we say, "Okay," and give up without realizing it.

What's Your Excuse ?

Let me give you a concrete example. One of the issues I frequently work on with my clients is career change, and one of the common patterns I encounter in this area is after they have gone through the stage of discovering what they want to do, even at that stage, there are arguments like "I don't have the competence, no experience, no talent, or if I have it, I'm not as good as others, I need this to be able to do it, these conditions must be met, and if not, I can't do it." I encounter this a lot: "I need to go back to school for another degree," (I encounter this a lot), "I'm too late," and "How can it happen after this point?" and so on.

All of these arguments may be valid within themselves, but I also ask this: What do you have? With your years of experience, what you've added to yourself, what you've learned – how can you make a difference in that field?

Is there only one way to do that job, to be good at that job, to reach where you want to be? Can't there be different branches in that job? Is there only one mode of transportation?

There is an airplane, a helicopter, a missile, a car, a train, a high-speed train. It's very sad that in the 21st century, we still haven't invented teleportation – I get very upset about this, but many of us might be stuck in that pattern because we haven't invented teleportation, and that might be the only way we see.

Focus On What You Have Instead Of What You Don't

For example, in the past weeks, the founder of a brand called "Boys Get Sad Too" came to the company as a speaker. It's a clothing brand, but the purpose of the kid founding the brand is to create awareness about the mental health impact of the societal pressure on men, such as the 'real man,' 'strong man' stereotypes. If that kid had a narrower perspective, he could have thought, "Who am I to talk about mental health with my psychology background? Let me go get an education on this first, reach a certain point – who knows what the standard he sets for himself is – and then start this, but what if people secretly make fun of me, or what if it doesn't work?" And so on.

The founder said,

"When I decided to get into this, I never imagined I would come to where I am now. I didn't have money, investors, or a proper plan. I just wanted to make a difference, and when this desire comes from within, with pure intent, it comes to fruition, and people support you."

By the way, he also mentioned that he worked day and night, never gave up, and something he said impressed me a lot. He said, "Our brand has grown a lot now, and if it fails or grows more from now on it doesn't matter. I embarked on this journey for a purpose, and I achieved that purpose. If what comes next is mine, it would be nice, and if not, it's not the end of the world."

He also said that being a speaker on LinkedIn is special to him because he found everyone who supported him when he was establishing the brand through LinkedIn. Although one of the goals of the platform is to network, very few people evaluate LinkedIn or other platforms in such situations. It's a different topic when it comes to job searching, but that's a different story.

So, what I'm saying is, when you want to do something in your life that satisfies you, whether it's through your career or volunteering, why do we focus on what's not there instead of what is there? Your potential, characteristics, determination, perspective – what you can bring to the table, how you can use the experience you've gained over the years, shape and mold it, perhaps add something to it, and come up with a better scenario – why don't we think about that instead of focusing on what's not there?

Why People Don't Believe in Themselves?

Why? Usually, we have things coded into our minds. For example, one of them is the qualities that those who do what we want to do, or even those who do it well, possess. Experience, talent, passion, luck, being in the right place at the right time, and so on. We idealize that perfect example in our minds to the point where we can't place ourselves in the picture we've drawn, as if that desired life or career doesn't belong to us. We feel like we don't even belong to the life or career we want to imagine and visualize.

I'll take a romantic perspective, but I think most of the things we can imagine and visualize in our minds are likely to come true. Because if our mind can imagine that, then it can be true; it can be real. It is said that what you imagine is real. Therefore, if we can imagine a life we want, I believe that it is very likely that it will come true, provided that we align our actions with this imagination, and of course, provided that we are patient.

So, if we have created an ideal of a perfect life or career in our minds and positioned it on an untouchable pedestal, and if we are talking about something that we don't belong to or can't be a part of, how can it happen?

Compare Yourself In A Healthy Way

Another thing I see a lot is looking at others' lives, how they're doing it, how they're moving forward, how they've changed their careers, how they've moved forward in relationships, their lifestyles, or what they share on social media.

Again, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that social media is all false, all lies, or all fake, or everyone is fake. No. Many people are real and share real things, but we need to remember that people share what they want to share. There are many things happening in everyone's life that are not shared on social media.

As the saying goes, "Don't compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel." Therefore, if we don't know what's behind the scenes, if we just look at the highlights, and if we position ourselves in a life or a career according to the highlights, we put ourselves in a new prison, right? We say, "I can't do it, I can't have it, I can't be like them."

The reason is that the things we imagine and visualize in our minds are often similar to what others have, and when we look at others, we see the life or career we want to have, but we feel so far from it that we can't even take the first step, or even if we take it, we give up easily.

Or sometimes, we don't even start. We say, "I'm not like them," or "How do they do it? What did they do to be like this? Maybe they had a connection, maybe they were lucky, maybe they were in the right place at the right time. I don't have this chance." And we convince ourselves that we don't have it.

Therefore, many people can't even get on the path they want to take or start moving on that path because they think that what they imagine and visualize is not for them. They think that this is only for those who have what they don't have, and so they convince themselves that they can't.

Of course, I'm not saying that you can reach everything you imagine or visualize. You may or may not reach it, but at least you can take the first step on that path, you can go beyond the limits in your mind, you can mold them, you can push them, and you can see that there is a different way, and you can be satisfied with that. You don't need to start by setting yourself a high standard, a standard that you can never reach.

Instead of saying, "I can't do this because I don't have this or that," let's try to look at what we have, and I believe that when we look, we will see many things.

Because the person in front of you, who inspires you, who made a difference, who changed careers, who lives a life you want, has also started from scratch at some point. They had to start from somewhere, and they too might not have had everything you think they had at the beginning. They may not have had experience, talent, money, or an environment that supports them. They may not have had everything you think they had at the beginning, but they started, took the first step, and shaped and improved what they had, just like playdough.

What Do You Need to Do?

That's what we need to do. We need to see what we have, take the first step, and shape and improve it. So, what do you have? What can you bring to the table? How can you use your experience, your potential, your talent, your skills, your determination, your perspective, and how can you shape and mold them like playdough to reach the career or life you want to create?

I know you'll say, "Well, Emine, it's not that easy, it's not that simple." I agree. It's not that easy; it's not that simple, but it's not impossible either.

When you ask, "What do I have?" you'll see that you have more than you think. Maybe you don't have everything you want to have, but you have something, and that something is enough to take the first step. Taking the first step is the most challenging part. Once you take the first step, the next steps come more easily. So, what do you have? How can you take the first step?

We can even apply this to the events that we experience. For example, we often see a problem from only one perspective and say, "I can't solve it. This is a big problem, and I can't solve it." But how about seeing it from a different angle, from a different perspective? Sometimes, the solution is hidden in the corners of our minds, in the places we can't see because we're not looking.

What do you have, and how can you shape and mold it to see the different aspects of an event or a problem? What perspectives do you need to explore to find more creative, liberating solutions?

The Importance of Open-Mindedness

One of the essential attitudes in expanding our perspectives is open-mindedness. Being open-minded means being receptive to new ideas, perspectives, and information. It's about having a flexible mindset that can adapt to different situations and consider various possibilities.

Open-mindedness is like having a spacious room in your mind where ideas can flow freely, where you can explore different angles, and where creativity can flourish. When we close ourselves off to alternative views or limit our thinking to a rigid framework, we miss out on the richness of diverse perspectives.

Imagine you're standing in a room with many windows. Each window represents a different perspective or way of looking at things. When you're open-minded, you can open these windows and let the fresh air of new ideas and possibilities come in. However, if you keep all the windows closed and only look through one narrow slit, you'll have a limited view of the world.

Remember that cultivating open-mindedness is an ongoing process. It requires self-reflection, a genuine willingness to learn, and a commitment to embracing diversity in thought.

Thanks for reading Mindfully Yours newsletter, I hope you enjoyed the topic. Here are some ways to access more mindful living tips:

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Warmly,

Emine