How to avoid comparing ourselves with others
Humans have been comparing themselves against each other since time immemorial, which means that to some extent we’re hard-wired to compare ourselves with other people. In times gone by, humans had to band together for survival, so self-comparison and awareness of where we fit within social hierarchies is probably part of our evolutionary hard-wiring. The problem is that when we lived in relatively simple societies, we would have had less criteria against which to compare ourselves, and any kind of social comparisons would have been limited to the small number of people in our immediate circle.?
Nowadays, there are so many ways in which we can measure ourselves against others, whether that means physical appearance, travel, home ownership, social popularity, and so much more. Meanwhile, mass communications also mean that we’re increasingly prone to comparing ourselves with people that we’d never naturally come into contact with, such as public figures from other sides of the world.?
In some ways, self-comparison can actually be helpful, in the sense of providing us with inspiration, or acting as a kind of benchmark for our own progress. The problem is when we compare ourselves constantly or unrealistically, and this starts to have negative impacts on other areas of our lives.?
Here are some tips to try to counter that inner critic.?
Recognise moments of vulnerability and react accordingly
We often tend to compare ourselves more with others when we’re already feeling anxious or insecure, which means that we can easily slide into a vicious cycle of feeling worse about ourselves and then comparing ourselves even more. It’s widely believed that if we engage with social media when we’re already unhappy, we’re much more likely to end up latching onto content that will end up upsetting us more. If you’re already feeling fragile, it might be better to try gaining some perspective in other ways, like getting outdoors for a bit, or engaging in a hobby.
Be mindful and try to avoid trigger events where possible?
It’s virtually impossible to avoid comparing ourselves to others, but it’s easier to try to break the cycle if we practise self-awareness and try to identify moments when we feel particularly insecure. Along these same lines, it’s also worth looking out for situations that tend to lead us to unfavourable comparisons with others. Although a lot of these situations are unfortunately unavoidable, if we can’t get away from them then we can at least be aware of the fact that they might bother us, and this sense of awareness can help us to deal with them better.?
Remember that we’re all ignorant, only on different topics
Nobody can be an expert on everything. One of the most insidious things about comparing ourselves with other people is that we tend to compare other people’s best attributes to our own worst ones. Everyone has their own unique talents, and it’s great to be inspired by people who are experts in their field, but if your own strengths are in something totally different then it’s not a fair comparison.?
Focus on your own unique strengths?
A lot of the best attributes in life aren’t necessarily easily capturable on social media feeds. You might have a quieter, less obvious strength such as being a good listener, or being able to empathise easily with other people. Or perhaps animals love you, or you’re great at explaining complicated topics in simple terms. Often we take for granted the skills that come easily to us, even though these might look much more impressive to others. If you can’t think of anything that you believe yourself to be great at, try to draw strength from times when you’ve done well in the past. This doesn’t have to be something spectacular, like winning an award – even just taking pride in a time when you successfully faced up to a difficult situation can be a source of inner strength.
Practise gratitude (even if you don’t feel like it)?
The idea of keeping gratitude journals is very ‘buzzy’ at the moment, but even if you’re not the type of person who’s naturally drawn to this type of activity, it’s worth trying to keep sight of little things in life that we can all be thankful for, even if it’s something as simple as a nice cup of coffee or seeing the sunlight at a particularly beautiful moment of the day. When we all have so many daily struggles to face, it can sometimes be difficult to avoid feeling disillusioned, but taking some time to appreciate small things can save us from feeling too resentful, and taking on a more optimistic attitude should have a positive impact on our own self-perception too.
Learn from people who inspire you?
This is sometimes easier to do with people that we don’t actually know, but if there’s a famous person that you look up to for whatever reason, see whether you can learn more about how they got to where they are now. The most talented people will always make their work look easy, but if you read celebrity autobiographies or otherwise follow the lives of people who are successful now, you’ll often find that a lot of hard work and sacrifice was involved, over and above a lot of failures along the way. If you know somebody personally who you admire and want to emulate, you could also try learning more about how they accomplished whatever they did. Following a similar logic, helping to lift other people up by supporting and encouraging them can also help our own sense of wellbeing too.??
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Look after yourself?
There’s truth in the notion that we are all our own worst critic. Few of us would ever subject other people to the continuous, intense scrutiny that we force upon ourselves. As trite as it may sound, try to be kind to yourself and don’t expect more from yourself than you would expect from other people. Try to spend time in the company of people who lift your mood, and always do your best to engage with positive hobbies.?
When it comes to self-comparison, it sometimes feels like the stakes have never been higher than they currently are, but we hope that the above tips can go some way towards helping create a sense of perspective in the face of self-doubt or self-criticism. If you have any other ideas, please feel free to share them in the comments.?
Stay mindful, and see you again for next month’s updates!?
Sources
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others – A Helpful Guide
Comparing Yourself to Others: Why You Do It and What to Do Instead
How to Use Social Media Without Losing Your Mind