How to Avoid Burnout and Stay Grounded in a Frantic and Frenetic World

Even before Covid-19, I saw a troubling trend among my clients. I am an executive coach and writer. My clients—executives, entrepreneurs, physicians, and other leaders in various fields—were overwhelmingly exhausted and on a path to burnout, if not already there.

The chief physician of a large health care system came to me because he said he wanted to “feel more stable and have more control over how he spent his time and energy.” Yet he told me he could not go more than a few hours without opening his professional email, even though he felt like the constant focus on work, and in particular, his digital devices, was draining him.?

An entrepreneur who had just secured funding for her next venture was surprised to find that after a day or two of excitement and joy, she felt a sense of emptiness. She was concerned that “if this accomplishment isn’t enough to provide some lasting fulfillment, I don’t know what will be.”

Clients constantly talked about how much they wanted to turn it off—all of the “breaking” news and busyness and email and social media notifications and always thinking about what is next. And yet when they did turn it off, they felt unsettled and restless, fluctuating between aimlessness and angst. They wanted not to be so wound up, but when they weren’t so wound up, they felt low. They had forgotten how to be where they are.

It wasn’t just my coaching clients. These themes have also been prominent in my research and writing, which has focused on performance, well-being, and general life satisfaction. Many of the people I’ve gotten to know through this work—top athletes, intellectuals, and creatives—share a similar discontent. By conventional standards, they are highly successful. But deep down, they, too, often sense that something is not quite right, that something is missing.

Men often describe it as a cumbersome need to be bulletproof, invincible. Women report feeling like they must be everything always, and are continually falling short of impossible expectations. In my work, I’ve come to call this heroic individualism, an ongoing game of one-upmanship, against both self and others, in which measurable achievement—which knows no bounds—is the only arbiter of self-worth. With heroic individualism the goalpost is always ten yards down the field, and a deep, if not desperate, desire for fulfillment is an elusive goal.

Heroic individualism, and its frenetic pursuit of so-called “success,” is crushing our souls.

The insecurity underlying heroic individualism—never feeling like you are enough—is as old as time, but it feels intensified now. Thanks to the steady creep of consumer marketing into all areas of our lives, perhaps none more so than “wellness,” along with the never-ending personality marketplace that is Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and so on, we are constantly comparing ourselves to unachievable standards. Heroic individualism is in the water, perpetuated by a modern culture that relentlessly says you need to be better, feel better, think more positively, have more, and “optimize” your life—only to offer shallow and superficial solutions that, at best, leave you wanting. No lotion, potion, pill, or productivity “hack” is going to provide genuine self-confidence. No email from the boss, fancy watch, or number of followers on social media is going to offer lasting fulfillment. As much as we wish it weren’t so or tell ourselves otherwise, these are all false promises.

Even before the pandemic, it was clear that our approach to modern work and life was not serving us well. Rates of clinical anxiety and depression were higher than ever, with estimates showing more than one in five people suffering at any given time. Addictions to harmful substances were at peak levels in modern history, as evidenced by increasing rates of alcoholism and the opioid epidemic. Fewer people were engaging in traditional community gathering places than in recent history. Political tribalism was, and certainly continues to be, rising.

Though COVID has brought with it so much suffering, one benefit of the pandemic is that it has made people reflect on the lives they want to lead on the other side. It would be unfortunate to miss out on this chance to reset, even if only a bit, and improve.

?Enter groundedness, a more sustainable model for striving and success.

Groundedness is internal strength and self-confidence that keeps you going through ups and downs. It is a deep reservoir of integrity and fortitude, of wholeness, out of which lasting performance, well-being, and fulfillment emerge.

Groundedness does not eliminate passion, productivity, or all forms of striving and ambition. Instead, it is about ditching an omnipresent and frantic anxiety to begin living in alignment with your innermost values, pursuing your interests, and expressing your authentic self in the here and now.

When you are grounded there is no need to look up or down. You are where you are, and you hold true strength and power from that position. Your success, and the way in which you pursue it, becomes more enduring and robust. You gain the confidence to opt out of the consumer-driven rat-race that leaves you feeling like you are never enough. The great paradox, of course, is that by focusing less on conventional success, you end up more likely to achieve it and, more important, enjoy the path.

Groundedness is drawn from both the latest research in psychology, neuroscience, and sociology, as well as age-old teachings from Buddhism, Taoism, and Stoicism. In over ten years of researching and reporting for my book The Practice of Groundedness, I’ve consistently found five principles that serve as a roadmap to a different, more fulfilling, and wholesome kind of striving and success.

Accept where you are to get where you want to go

Seeing clearly, accepting, and starting where you are. Not where you want to be. Not where you think you should be. Not where others think you should be. But where you are. You can’t work on something in a meaningful way if you refuse to accept that the thing is happening to begin with. You don’t have to like what is happening, but you have to accept it. Acceptance is the first step of any kind of genuine and sustainable progress.

Be present to own your energy and attention

Being present, both physically and mentally, for what is in front of you. Spending more time fully in this life, not in thoughts about the past or future. Distraction is tempting—perhaps for some, even addicting—but the research is clear: happiness, well-being, and peak performance emerge from full engagement in what you are doing. Prioritize and schedule time for the people and projects that matter to you most.

Be patient to get there faster

Giving things time and space to unfold. Not trying to escape life by moving at warp speed. Not expecting instant results and then quitting when they don’t occur. Having the confidence to stop a bit short today so you can pick up in a rhythm tomorrow. Realizing that we often do things quickly—not better, but quickly—to gain time. But what is the point if in the time we gain we just do more things quickly? I have yet to meet someone who wants their headstone to read “he rushed.”???

Embrace vulnerability to build genuine strength and confidence

Showing up authentically. Being real with yourself and with others, at work and in life. Eliminating cognitive dissonance, the inner turmoil and distress that arises when too much of your outward life is performative, when there is too wide a gap between what the sociologist Erving Goffman called your “front stage” and “back stage” selves. When you close this gap, a sense of freedom emerges. You can start playing to win instead of playing not to lose.

?Build deep community

Nurturing genuine connection and belonging. Building supportive spaces in which individuals can hold each other through ups and downs. Prioritizing not just productivity, but people too. Remembering that on our deathbed we are less likely to harp on the gold-medal, promotion to regional vice president, best-seller, or any other outward achievement, and more likely to savor the bonds and relationships we forged along the way.

By prioritizing—and not just thinking about, but regularly practicing—these principles in our lives and communities, we can build back better than before. It would be a shame to miss the opportunity.

Brad Stulberg writes and coaches sustainable excellence. He is bestselling author of The Practice of Groundedness, upon which this piece is based.