How To Avoid Asking These 7 Terrible Questions

We all have to use questions in our daily lives, both at home and at work. I’m sure we’ve all asked a question and then realised we’ve triggered the other person. We hope for a chance to get an answer now, but we want to avoid an argument. A few moments of thought before asking a question can make all the difference to the response we get.

At the root of asking questions is the search for an answer. If you’re not being 100% curious when you’re asking questions, then what are you doing? I’ve seen leaders use questions to manipulate the situation and their colleagues, but if you want to be better than that, then here are seven terrible questions and alternative ways to ask them.

Leading questions

Do you think you have the answer to the question before you’ve asked it? Or perhaps you think the other person is just plain wrong.

“Have you considered how the user will respond to that feature?”

This parental stance, where you think you will teach the other about good practices, could ultimately backfire. The sense of superiority in the question suggests you don’t believe they can do their job well. Instead, assume they have thought about it and ask about their findings.

“What were the results of the user studies about that feature?”

Move the situation from a teaching moment to a learning moment.

Dirty questions

Not what you think! These are similar to a leading question but lack judgement of the answerer. Within the question, there is an anticipation of the response.

“Do you have the courage to stand up to them?”

Even written down, you can hear the lack of confidence in the other person’s abilities.

“What would you like to happen?”

This question allows the other person to decide the next action based on their understanding. It provides no judgment and empowers them to own their situation.

Asking the same question in different ways

We call this question stacking.

“Do you have those files I was asking for? Will they be ready to send to James today? I want to get them to him as soon as.”

When you ask the same question in different ways, in quick succession, you will confuse the person you’re talking to. Not only are they going to be unsure of which question to answer first, you’re going to appear uncertain and lacking in confidence. Instead, ask one question and be done.

“Are the files ready to be sent to James yet?”

“They’ll be ready by the end of the day.”

Clarity from you, clarity from others.

Binary questions

Also known as closed questions because all the potential routes have been shut down. These questions have two options as a response, typically yes or no.

“Do you think this is ready to launch?”

Is this a leader putting the pressure on? You may receive the answer they thought you wanted. It’s always possible to launch your product, but that doesn’t mean it’s a wise time to do so.

“What might go wrong if we launch now?”

By starting a question with “What” or “How,” you’ll receive information for better decision making.

Why questions

For sure, it is the most curious of all the questions you can ask. Unfortunately, it is also the most likely to put the answerer on a defensive footing.

“Why did you speak to Suzanne in accounting about that?”

No matter how you say this, the answerer will wonder what you will do with their answer. Our lifetimes have taught us that when someone asks us why we’ve done something, they probably disagree with what we’ve done. The problem is not in the asking of a “why” question; it is in the hearing of it. Instead, start with some information and then ask for more.

“I heard that you spoke to Suzanne in accounting. Can you tell me about what you discussed?”

This way, you’ll learn about that conversation, and no one will immediately worry they did the wrong thing.

Aggressive questions

Is the answerer ready to answer that question?

“What should we do?”

I’ve heard countless leaders ask this in the middle of having a situation explained to them. It’s a typical question of assertive, get-the-job-done kind of people. It can put people on the spot and drive them to make impulsive decisions.

A better way is to help them bring the situation into sharp focus.

“What do you see?”

“How did we get here?”

“What should happen next?”

This present, past, and future format supports the other person to understand the situation better and ensures you get a more considered answer.

Self-affirming questions

Similar to binary questions but loaded to make the questioners feel better about themselves.

“Do you like this awesome poster I made?”

There’s little room for a response other than, “Yeah, it’s great.” I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of this, as we all need a little boost now and then. However, you have an opportunity for a learning moment. Ask people what they genuinely think about your work so you can grow and do better next time.

“Could you give me some feedback about the poster I made?”

This question allows the answerer to tell you what they think is good and bad about the poster and gives you an understanding of how others see your work.

Better questions, better conversations

Questions are at the heart of all our conversations. By practising how we ask questions, we can improve our collaboration and produce more creative solutions. Don’t worry if you spot yourself asking these terrible questions, as that’s the first step to improving. Once you notice yourself asking one of these, give yourself some time to think about how you could have asked it differently, and soon you’ll be asking the best questions in the office.