How to Avoid Arrogance

"Will getting rid of imposter syndrome make me arrogant?" asked Karl, a newly-minted CEO who was looking to make an impact in his role.

Karl wanted to break free from the constant anxiety and overwhelm of imposter syndrome.

The nagging voice in his head that told him he wasn’t good enough.

The distraction and exhaustion it caused him.

And the fear that he would achieve everything he knew deep inside he was capable of.

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You see, imposter syndrome is self-doubt and secretly feeling like a fraud, when you’re not a fraud.

When, in fact, you are competent and capable, good at your job and you know it – logically and intellectually.

But despite all?your evident success, you still feel that you’re not quite good enough.

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But Karl had a new concern as he thought about doing the work to get rid of imposter syndrome for good.

What if he became arrogant?

What if eliminating his self-doubt meant that he would become self-important, overbearing and obnoxious?

He couldn’t stand that.

He didn’t ever want to be that kind of person.

He’d rather suffer imposter syndrome rather than become arrogant!

Thankfully that’s not the choice he’s making.

Inferior vs Superior

Like many people, Karl assumed that the opposite of feeling not (quite) good enough – inferior– is being arrogant – feeling superior.

Both feeling inferior or superior requires two things; a comparison and a judgement.

A comparison is a simple measure of a difference. For example, you can be taller or shorter, faster or slower, richer or poorer than another person.

These are just facts. Measurements of where you stand on any given scale.

And everyone has their place on whatever scale you choose. And there are millions of different scales you can use.

But comparisons are just facts. They have no inherent meaning – unless we give it a meaning.

This is where the judgement come in.

We make the comparison mean something.

A measure of whether someone is ‘better at’ something slides into the judgement that someone is ‘better than’ the other.

This is a very common blind spot.

It means that if you feel inferior, you feel less than the other person.

And if you feel superior then you feel better than the other?person.

You are making the comparison mean something about you.

A?measure of your worth.

Both superiority and inferiority come from the same belief – that your worth is depends on where you stand on any scale.

Feeling inferior or superior are the same – a judgment about your worth.

And with imposter syndrome, you?feel inferior despite being successful.

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Conditional Worth

However, this judgement (that your worth depends on what you do) is a false belief, pervasive in our society.

Most people believe this is true unconsciously and never become aware of the distinction between who we are and what we do.

Dr Carl Rogers, a founding father of personal psychology, determined that this one false belief in conditional worth is the root of human unhappiness.

From his work in the 1950s, he concluded that we needed to develop unconditional worth in early childhood and that 99.999% of people don’t.

Thankfully more recent neuroscience has shown the brain has neuroplasticity, that is it can change. We can change our beliefs.

Changing the belief of our conditional worth takes a specific process. It’s not done with mindset, affirmations, hypnotherapy or NLP to name a few.

It needs a process that follows the way in which the brain creates beliefs in the first place.

Not Inferior Nor Superior

When you change the belief from conditional to unconditional worth, you step out of that whole judgment of whether you are inferior or superior.

It becomes a non-question.

When you change that belief to unconditional worth, then you’ve eliminated the driver for both feeling inferior and feeling superior.

A double-win!

?Imposter Syndrome

The belief that your worth is conditional is the root cause of imposter syndrome.

So eliminating imposter syndrome requires you to shift to a sense of your unconditional worth.

And when your worth is unconditional, then the imposter syndrome thoughts, feelings and behaviour patterns all melt away.

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For Karl, as he later discovered, getting rid of imposter syndrome did not cause him to become arrogant.

Unconditional worth feels like a deep level of self-acceptance and acceptance of others.

Then any success becomes something you acknowledge and celebrate.

And any failure becomes valuable learning.

Success or failure stop meaning anything about your worth.

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You stop criticising and judging yourself.

You become more resilient, authentic, and can finally enjoy your career.

Freedom!

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#success?#leadership #impostersyndrome

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