How To Be Assertive Without Harming The Relationship: A Coaching Conversation (9.7)
Fred Kofman
Executive Coach | President at Conscious Business Center International - CBC
" Do I have to give up me to be loved by you?" Jordan and Margaret Paul
Angeli wants to improve the work practices of her report, but she is met with resistance.
She finds herself in a bind. If she pushes hard enough to "break through" the resistance she'll also break the relationship. If she stops pushing, she'll accept the dissatisfying status quo.
Angeli thinks that her employee's process is disorganized, that it imposes a burden on her and anybody who needs to manage it. She has a suggestion to make it better. In the following video, I work with her on how to hold this conversation in the spirit of collaboration.
Should you have any trouble viewing the video please click here to view on Fred's slideshare page.
Thanks to Lynda.com for their gracious permission to use this coaching session they filmed for the course I did for them on Difficult Conversations, which you can find here.
Readers: What does Angeli's case inspire you to do?
Fred Kofman is Vice President at Linkedin. This post is part 9.7 of Linkedin's Conscious Business Program and is part of Fred's Lynda course on Managing Conflict. You can find the introduction and structure of the Conscious Business program here. Follow Fred Kofman on LinkedIn here. To stay connected and get updates please visit Conscious Business Academy and join our Conscious Business Friends group.
Head of People and OD and Non Executive Director (Solace)
5 年The conversation is about finding good resolutions together. So why not agree to actioning a good idea? Because it's not a good idea? Or because you just don't want to take the action? This step when facing unreasonable push back of returning to the basis of the conversation - which is to collaborate - and asking - don't you want to collaborate with me? - is really powerful.?
Create. Collaborate. Community
5 年I really like how the reasonableness was framed. He was able to soften her approach as well so that she could be heard when speaking to her peer.
Managing Partner, Executive Coach/Facilitator - Programs with ??, ?? and ??(in Kenya!)
6 年I keep coming back to 'stay curious". Especially when there is push back, even if you've started off great, that's when you most need to stay curious. Ask questions (in an increasingly hard way depending on the pushback, but ask.?
Driven and energetic learning professional. Focus on organizational needs, big picture, collaboration, and involvement.
6 年I love the way Fred presents the reasonableness question.? It makes so much sense and puts all onus back on the employee.
Psicóloga e Consultora Especialista em Desenvolvimento de Soft Skills e Lideran?a
6 年I see a lot of my clients doubts when they start this type of conversations, I think we need to be generous in our communication.