How to be assertive without being a jerk?

Communicating confidently without offending people and being assertive is a tough act. Many people in an effort to stand their ground, can actually end up being rude and alienating others. They then grow frustrated at not being heard or give up and stop trying. It is more of softening your delivery than softening your message. Following approaches can help in being assertive.

3Ps of speaking

Speaking is a more powerful form of communication. And the 3Ps of speaking are pitch, power and pace.

Pitch is tone. Are you speaking too loud, and with a sharp edge? Or are you too soft, whispering your point and begging to be interrupted? Aim for pleasant but clear. It’s hard for people to be angry if you’re being nice. Get the tone right and it won’t feel like a confrontation.

Power is the strength of delivery. Too much is aggressive, but too little is weak. Speak with conviction, so it’s clear you mean what you say. And you’re confident and compassionate enough to compromise.

Pace is literally the speed of what you’re saying. Too fast and you sound like you’re rushing, or that you just want to get it out of the way. But too slow and it can become like a small torture for the other person, and practically invites them to interrupt.

Bottomline is you don’t need to speak aggressively or loudly to be taken seriously.

Speak in 3D

Non-verbal communication is equally important as verbal. The gestures you make, your eye movements and stance are all that counts in getting your message across. Nowadays most of th communication happens virtually and non verbal is much important.

Leverage facts and opinions

Most of the times opinions are assumed to be taken as facts. It will be harder for people to disregard what you’re saying by attaching your opinions to agreed facts. When you’re standing your ground, apply a similar rule. Start by establishing facts that are actually facts, not your opinions. The other person may not like them, but that’s how things are. They’re welcome to dislike the facts, but it’s hard to disagree with them. Or if they’re going to, they’ll need to provide proof or evidence to the contrary, rather than just an opinion.