How to Be Assertive, Speak Up and Be Heard

Every woman wants to be heard and have her ideas taken seriously. Sometimes it just seems really hard to speak up. You might just feel like you're not worthy of speaking up or don't have the confidence to say what's on your mind. At least, that’s how I used to feel. In this article I share how I learned how to be assertive and speak up for myself at work so that you can get what you need from your boss or coworkers.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a skill. It's not about being aggressive or passive; it's about being clear and direct when standing up for yourself.

Being assertive is the best way to get your needs met at work. But it can be hard if you're new to the idea of speaking up for yourself. Here are my tips on how to become more assertive in your career.

How do you find your voice?

You've probably been told that finding your voice is a process, but what does that mean? You're not going to wake up one day and suddenly be able to speak up for yourself. It takes time, practice and patience.

How do we find our voices? I started by acknowledging my emotions--what made me angry or sad or frustrated. I had to understand that my feelings mattered.? Next, I had to figure out how I wanted others around me to treat me when those feelings arise. When I identified what mattered most deeply to me as an individual, then I used those values as a guidepost when making decisions about how best to express myself in difficult situations. This? was useful in my professional and personal life where people may challenge our assertive behavior with passive-aggressive responses like sarcasm or avoidance tactics.? These tactics include using silence instead of speaking up directly about what's bothering them in order not seem "pushy." In other words, they like when you back down instead of speaking up. The problem is, You feel powerless, not them. And I’ll admit, I felt ashamed about letting people bulldoze over me instead of speaking up for myself?

What if I don't have self-esteem or self-worth?

It's important to understand that self-esteem and self-worth are two different things. Self-esteem is about how you feel about yourself, while self-worth refers to how much value you place on your own life or the lives of others.

Self-esteem can be developed through practicing assertiveness and speaking up for yourself in situations where you might otherwise feel powerless or dismissed. You can't get something that doesn't exist within yourself (most of us have it, but life experiences can make us forget). However, by speaking up when others try to put down your ideas or dismiss them as unimportant, you will be building up the belief that these things are valid parts of who you are and what matters most in life. No matter what others think.

What if I'm not sure what to say?

If you're not sure what to say, start by listening to the situation. What do you need? How can you get it? What do you want? Who can help make it happen?

When I was in my early 20s, I was very shy and didn't know how to get what I needed from people. When I did ask for something, like taking on a new project, I'd often get frustrated when people? didn't respond as quickly or enthusiastically as I had hoped. Or even worse: they ignored me completely and gave the project to a coworker. But eventually something clicked: if someone isn't going to meet my needs right away then there must be another way! And once this realization hit home for me--it changed everything!

Now when someone doesn't fulfill one of my requests immediately, I don't get upset. I don't feel powerless over their actions or inaction. I don't try harder next time hoping things will turn out differently. I simply go elsewhere until I find someone else who can provide the services I need. This way, both sides are satisfied with the outcome, and no one loses face.

What happens if I speak up and my boss doesn't listen?

If you're not sure what to do if your boss doesn't listen, here are some options:

• Speak up again. And again, and again. This can be as simple as saying "I'd like to speak with you about this." It's important not to give up after one attempt. If your manager still doesn't seem receptive, consider changing mediums. Instead of an email, speak to them. Or if you asked via email first, set up an appointment and speak with them. Write out what you’re asking for, the justification, and be sure to tell him or her how it helps them, and the company, in the long run.
• Think about the time and energy it would take for you to find another job--and then ask yourself if the current situation is worth sticking around for? If so, try speaking up again later on in the week when things have calmed down a bit at work. If not, invest in a career coach and transition to a better role. Remember that, on average, people who change jobs get a 9.7% bump in salary (those who don’t change jobs? Their wages actually dropped 1.7% after inflation!). And because you’re working with a career coach, you are more likely to land a role that is a much better fit for you. With more opportunities to grow.

Assertiveness is a tool that can help you get your needs met at work.

Assertiveness is a skill that can help you get your needs met at work. It's not about being aggressive or rude; it's about standing up for yourself and your needs. Being assertive does not mean being passive, so don't worry about coming across as too pushy or demanding by using this approach.

Practice assertiveness everywhere. With friends, family members and colleagues, as well as your boss and coworkers.?

Conclusion

If you're like most women, you may have been taught to be nice and not speak up for yourself. But being assertive doesn't mean you have to be mean or rude. It just means that you can speak up when necessary without worrying about what other people think of your opinions.

Assertiveness is a tool that will help you get your needs met at work and feel more confident in general. So don't hesitate to reach out for coaching to help you learn how to be assertive. I struggled for years with being assertive, in both my professional and personal life, so I understand. As a coach, I can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses, develop a plan for becoming more assertive, and provide you with support and encouragement along the way.

Here are some of the benefits of assertiveness coaching:

• You will learn how to communicate your needs and wants clearly and effectively.
• You will learn how to set boundaries and say no.
• You will learn how to stand up for yourself without being aggressive or passive-aggressive.
• You will feel more confident and in control of your life.

If you're ready to take the next step in becoming more assertive, reach out to me today for a free 30-Minute Career Solution Call.

Twanna Carter, PhD, ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC), is a career coach and relationship coach for Twanna Carter Professional & Personal Coaching, LLC https://twannacarter.com/. Dr. Twanna is an expert in career coaching for Black women leaders, with a proven track record of helping women achieve their career goals. With more than 20+ years of experience, Dr. Twanna is recognized as an expert in leadership, personal development, business strategy, career development, and lifestyle balance.? Helping professional women navigate change and uncertainty by providing them with the tools and strategies they need to be successful.

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