How To Ask For Help

I wouldn't say I like asking for help.

WHY?

Perhaps you can relate to the following points:

1. A Chinese saying, "能花钱的，千万别欠人情" which directly translates to, "If the problem can be solved using money, never owe anyone any favour because you will be forever indebted to the person." Hence, when I was growing up, my parents always emphasised that I should only rely on myself.
2. I was brought up to be strong and independent because there is a saying in Southern Min (閩南語 mǐn nán yǔ), “靠山山會崩，靠水水會焦" (khò suann suann ē pang, khò tsuí tsuí ē ta), it direct translates to, "There will come a day when the mountain will fall and the river runs dry".
3. My pride and ego would not allow me to ask for help because it would make me feel vulnerable and incompetent.
4. I do not want to bother anyone with my problem. C'mon, most of us are struggling ourselves!

Until May 2019, I was struggling to complete day 4 of my Gobi Desert Race. This was the first time that I put every bit of concern and pride aside, and asked for support. It was extremely difficult for me, I cried. But I knew that if I did not ask for support, I would be worse off.

Ever since that incident, I had a paradigm shift - I am OK with asking for help.

While it is important to know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness and it can also be an acknowledgement of others' expertise, how we approach others for assistance requires skills!

1. Stay low - The whole world does not need to know that you are down on your knees. Give yourself some space so that you can stay as clear-headed as possible. Most importantly, spare yourself from unsolicited advice.
2. Make sure that you have exhausted all means - No one likes a freeloader. I still very much believe if you can be independent, you should. In a way, you are also training yourself to be more resourceful and resilient!
3. Ask the right person at the right time - Seek help from a person who has the experience/ competence/ wisdom/ resources that you desperately need. It is also important to figure out if it is the right time for you to reach out to the person for help!
4. Communicate clearly and genuinely - The clearer you are in the help you need, the easier it is for the person to help you. Do give a little context as to why you need the help and what receiving the help would mean. Give options to the person and one option should include allowing the person to reject you!
5. Always an attitude of gratitude - So long as the person is willing to hear me out, I am already grateful. If the person offers to help, that's a bonus! If the person declines to help, that's all right too. There must be a good reason for that rejection and I need to respect it. There is no need to spoil a relationship just because someone says NO.

Do I still like to ask for help?

Right now as I am recovering from my knee surgery, I still do not like the idea, but I know that if I need to, I would be able to.

p.s. If you are interested in reading my reflections for Gobi Desert Race: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3

Becoming Irreplaceable aims to empower fellow professionals to build sustainable and meaningful careers, this is definitely one way for us to increase our own happiness index! It is really about taking the control back.