How to ask for help

Have you been in a situation where you needed to ask someone for help but didn’t know how? Maybe you wanted to approach a LinkedIn connection about a job but you weren’t sure what to say? Or you had a specific technical challenge at work and wanted to get answers from a colleague but couldn’t really get the right information?

I want to share my top tips for approaching these situations and for asking people in the right way for the things you need.

In my work with the data visualization community, I am fortunate to have a big network of people I interact with and it brings me immense joy to help people out, especially those who are learning the basics and are picking up a tool they are unfamiliar with. My goal is to help as many people as possible but to do so, I really need them to ask me the right questions or to ask in a way that allows me to truly deliver value to them.

I also mentor a handful of women who are in the early stages of their career and it’s extremely satisfying to know that the lessons I learned in my career can help others figure things out for their own path. 

How to ask for help

Let’s start with the ‘How’, because this is a big one. The way you ask a question will influence the kind of answer you get - and whether you’ll get an answer in the first place. And let’s use data visualization as an example. In leading the social data project #MakeoverMonday I get a lot of requests for feedback from people who want to improve their work. This is great and I enjoy giving feedback, but the request “Any feedback welcome” or “Please give me feedback” isn’t the easiest way for me to come up with a response. It is so broad that I as the respondent don’t even know where to start. Sure, people would like as much feedback on every aspect of their visualization as possible, but that might require a 10 minute conversation or a 500 word written response. If I want to help as many people as possible, that’s not going to be feasible.

My first suggestion, therefore, is to be as specific in your question as you can. For your visualization, consider what you are most unsure about. Is it your title? The type of chart you used? The colors you applied? Which is the part you most likely need feedback on? Start with that.

Consider the other person

This brings me to my second tip. When asking a question, consider the person you’re asking. Firstly, are they the right person to ask? Is the channel you’re using the right channel? And how soon do you need an answer, taking into account their location/timezone?

I sometimes get asked very specific technical Tableau questions, to which I simply don’t have an answer. In those cases I am not the right person to ask and when that question comes via Twitter, it’s also not the right platform, so I direct people to the forums where they can get the help they need within minutes.

If you have found the right person who can help you, then please don’t be afraid to actually go ahead with your question. This article is not about ticking all the boxes before you write or make that call. It’s meant to guide you to consider how your questions can become more effective so you get the answers and help you need. 

There are two lessons I learned from people whose opinion I value highly. The first one is ‘what’s the worst that will happen?’. So when you ask someone for help, the worst that will happen is that they either can’t help you, won’t help you or ignore you. The earth will keep turning and you can either adjust how you asked or what you asked for or go to someone else.

The second lesson is to not shy away from asking people who you think are ‘too busy’ or ‘too important’ to talk to you. Ask them anyway, because it is their responsibility to manage their time and to decide whether and how to respond. You’ll be surprised how generous people are and how they’ll go out of their way to support you.

Provide context

An important part of asking questions is to give the other person the relevant information that allows them to make a decision and give you a helpful answer. If your role involves diving deep into the detail - be it granular data and complex calculations, you’re working in a lab, testing samples or you’re designing a new brand campaign for your organization - when you have a question for a colleague, manager or external consultant, make sure to give them the relevant context.

If you need a decision from someone, and you’ve just spent hours going through the numbers, while they have done something completely different, start at a higher level and then get to your question, so they have the relevant information they need. It’s tempting to jump straight into the detail of what you found and to pepper them with information and questions, but you’ll probably confuse them.

As people have to switch context from what they were just thinking about to what you’re about to tell them, it’s really helpful to do a short introduction, so everyone is on the same page.

Going back to the earlier example of being interested in a job posting by someone from your LinkedIn network, providing context would go beyond the pleasantries and be that opening sentence or two of your message to them. 

Show the results

I mentioned above that I genuinely enjoy helping people, especially when it comes to building the skills that they will benefit from in their career. What I love is when I see how they turned the help that I and others provided into visible results.

For data visualization that typically comes in the form of them developing their own unique style, creating clear and compelling visualizations and communication information much more effectively than they did in the beginning.

For the people I mentor it’s seeing them take a chance and put themselves out there. Even just a ‘that is a helpful suggestion, I didn’t think of that’ is bliss to me. Not because I want them to do exactly what I tell them, but because it shows me that they are using the information and suggestions I shared and the sometimes painful lessons I learned and they apply them to their own situation. 

So if you ask someone on LinkedIn for an introduction to a hiring manager and you end up getting that job, tell them! Let the person know that they made a difference and what you did with their help or advice.

In this way, you’re also helping others because - speaking from my own point of view - when you respond to the help you’ve received, it makes the helper more likely to want to help others as well. This positive reinforcement paves the way.

Accept help

My final suggestion is that when you ask for help and someone offers it, take them up on it. I know this sounds obvious, but many of us are not that good at really accepting the support we’re given.

Let’s say you have a mentor and you want their advice for something, so you ask if they have time for a call. ‘Sure’, they say and suggest a time that works for you but seems pretty inconvenient for them, e.g. ‘I can do it after I bring the kids to bed’ or ‘I’ll be on vacation but I’m happy to chat with you at that time’. Your first instinct is to respond ‘oh I don’t want to put you out, let’s just reschedule’, isn’t it? At least that’s how I tend to react or what I want to say because I feel that me asking for help shouldn’t be a burden for the other person.

But you know what? It comes back to the earlier point: when you ask, it’s the other person’s responsibility to manage their time, to see if they can accommodate you and to give you an answer accordingly. As difficult as it might be, next time just respond with ‘that’s great, thank you for making the time’, because if they didn’t want to have that call or meeting, they wouldn’t offer to do it during their vacation or evenings.

This lesson also applies to general life situations, away from your job and your desk/lab/building site. There may be a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while and it feels awkward to suggest a meeting over lunch to reconnect. So you stay silent and continue to think ‘what if’. You can always ask, because they have the opportunity to say no, but by not asking and not making that first move, you might be missing out on some great conversations and you’re also taking away their chance to respond in the way that feels right for them.

Next time you need help or advice, do this

I want to encourage you to ask questions and to seek help from others because doing so is crucial for learning, for developing your skills and for strengthening your connections with others. It can be difficult because we tend to make it more complicated than it needs to be.

So next time you want someone to review your paper, to give you their opinion on whether your outfit will work for the family gathering or to introduce you to the hiring manager for your dream job, consider these:

• Ask specific questions, such as ‘In this paper I want to explain why the earth orbits the sun and I’m writing this for lay-people. Do you think I hit the right tone to get my point across?’ or ‘I’m going to this family thing and it’s pretty formal, do you think my outfit works?’ or ‘I’m looking for a new role in Marketing Analytics and I saw that your former manager is hiring. From the job description I can tell this would be a really good fit. Would you be happy to chat about your experience at the company and to facilitate an introduction to the hiring manager?’
• Put yourself in the other person’s position, are they the right person to help you? And what’s the best way to engage them? A public tweet may not work, but what about a direct message?
• Give sufficient context so that the person you’re seeking help from can quickly understand your needs and has the necessary information to give you an answer. An additional tip is to take a few moments (maybe even sleep over it) before sending a message or email and to re-read it and update it so it becomes clearer and more concise.
• Actions speak louder than words, so once you’ve thanked them, remember to also show them the results of their advice. If you got the job, let them know. If you figured out the problem with your calculation syntax, let them know. Results can happen today, tomorrow or in five years. Don’t underestimate how much your former colleague or manager will appreciate hearing from you many months or years later with a story of how they changed the trajectory of your career.
• Take them up on it. When you ask for help, be sure to genuinely accept it. Don’t feel like it’s rude, because the other person offered, so they probably really want to help you. And if they only help because they feel obligated to do so, then that is not your issue to solve.

Let me know how you get on and whether you’ve tried these suggestions or have applied them in your daily life already.