How to Argue on Social Media

Don't.

Just don't do it.

Use social media to share your opinions, connect with loved ones, discover and build communities, find a date, laugh at silly memes, play games, and even debate with people you know, but never, ever, ever argue.

Social media usage has been proven to be "significantly associated with increased depression." But it's also where two-thirds of Americans get some or most of their news. So how do we, as users of social media, share important information without the tension, depression, anxiety, and fear of alienating your friends and family?

Here are the rules that I use (and advise for my clients) to share my points of view on the internet more joyously:

• "Don't be afraid to unfriend, unfollow, or block." Platforms show you content based on your past behaviors. If you engage with a post, even when arguing, you're telling the platform: "This is someone with engaging posts!" Their post or comment will surface more often in your and your followers' feeds. I wrote about this previously in an article, 'You Are Promoting Content You Hate'. Social media is not real life. I'll repeat that: social media is not real life. If you unfriend someone on Facebook, you can still be their friend. You can block your co-worker on Twitter and still work with them. If someone is making your experience online less enjoyable, don't be afraid to block them. Just because someone finds joy in toxic behaviors online doesn't mean you have to be the outlet.
• "Promote positive voices." It's free to give someone a like, a comment, a follow, and the pinnacle of engagement: a share. Yet we often engage more with negative posts, as strong emotional reactions instinctually drive us to take action. But positivity has a viral effect. Studies have shown that social profiles focused on positivity grow faster, foster stronger communities, and encourage others to post more positively. Get into the habit of ignoring negative posts and providing full-throated support of positive voices, particularly those who are novel or underrepresented as they need your advocacy the most!

• "You don't owe anyone your time." This is also a great rule of life. Not all challenges are worthy of a response. Trolls thrive on attention, and as stated in the first point, ANY engagement provides more attention. If someone is trying to bait you into an argument with name-calling, lying, or attempting to otherwise 'trigger' you, the only way to get the upper-hand is by blocking, unfollowing, or ignoring.
• "Never, ever, ever share to criticize." If you hit that 'retweet' button so you can talk about the overall awfulness of the original tweet, there are a few unintended consequences. First, it surfaces your discontent to followers of the original user who in turn could swarm your social media profiles. Second, it tells the platform that you want more of that user's content in your feed. Third, it encourages your followers to click the original tweet and get more of that user's content in their feed. Fourth, that engagement tells the platform on a macro-level that the content is engaging and therefore should show up in everyone's feed more often. If it's a website that you disagree with, linking to the article actually gives them revenue from the clicks. Instead, get used to taking a screenshot and uploading it within your post. An image upload is considered 'native content' and can help you achieve more reach.
• "You control your feed." Don't let anybody tell you how to use your social media platforms. If you don't share political opinions on your social media because you prefer to have those conversations in-person, that's awesome. If you're an activist voice on social media who shares opinions on every topic, that's awesome too. If you're shaming others for not using their social media channels in a way you believe they should, that's a problem. For example, I use my LinkedIn feed for my opinions on news relevant to the digital media industry. If I have an opinion about a presidential election, I will reserve those posts for platforms where I feel I can drive more impact for those particular views like Facebook and Twitter.
• "Understand what you want out of social media." There are many types of social media users: creators, lurkers, social butterflies, trolls, influencers, and nearly-never users. Just because you use a platform in one way doesn't mean everyone must (or should). If you're wrapped up in a social media argument and it's making you upset, ask yourself, "is this providing value to me, my community, or the world?" If the interactions don't meet your goals, stop the conversation.
• "Assume good intentions in others until they prove otherwise." Most people are trying to be helpful, especially if they're folks you know IRL ('in real life'). But just like in real life, most people don't know how to engage in difficult conversations. There's a difference between debate and arguments. A debate is an open exchange of ideas. Arguments are personal. You can set your own boundaries, but as someone who loves debates on social platforms I have the following rule in place: if someone disagrees with a post in a way that respectfully offers new information to the contrary, I either let the comment stand or engage, but if someone has proven their goal is to 'win' the comment thread by forcing me into an emotional response I immediately delete the comment and/or block them.
• "Be conscious of how you feel when using social media." Check in with yourself. If you're on Pinterest three hours per day, but it makes you feel disengaged, depressed, or anxious, it's time to break this addiction. There are a lot of wonderful apps that help limit your social media usage. I recommend you download and try one, if for no other reason than to be conscious of your current usage. You may surprise yourself with how much of your time is taken up by these platforms!

• "Ask yourself: does this need to be a public conversation?" Nearly everyone has a friend or relative that you love, but with whom you adamantly disagree politically. This is someone you don't want to block or unfriend, but every post you read makes you furious and robs you of your emotional energy. If you have mutual respect and have something you need to tell them, take it offline. A public comment thread can often create pressure on both sides to discuss more forcefully, as they're worried others will judge them for 'losing' the argument. A one-on-one conversation can reduce that anxiety and lead to more productive outcomes.

Social media has the power to educate and inspire as much as it can demonize and oppress. It's important to share great information and opinions on social media as your voice has the power to shape public conversation. If you stay above the fray, you can stay focused on the impact of your message and protect your own emotional well-being.

Phil Ranta is the Chief Operating Officer of Wormhole Labs, Inc. and was formerly the Head of Gaming Creators, North America at Facebook, the Head of Creators at Mobcrush, COO at Studio71 US, and VP of Network at Fullscreen. He's worked with many top digital creators to build positive communities. For more, follow him on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram.

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