HOW AMBIGUITY AND UNCERTAINTY AFFECT CONFLICT

When dealing with conflict, one of the first steps is to specifically identify the conflict. It is nearly impossible to define a goal for a conflict resolution if you do not understand both what the conflict is, and what direction the ideal resolution could go. 

Often times, individuals involved in a conflict do not want to label what the conflict is really about. They take shelter behind vague terminology and create emotional roadblocks to avoid truly dealing with the issue. Often, they do this consciously because they "don't want to hurt feelings". Sometimes they do it unconsciously because they are protecting themselves from the conflict. Either way, ambiguity and uncertainty about an issue can not only negatively affect a conflict, it can actually be a cause of conflict. 

When you are working on resolving a conflict, and the parties are not being specific you wind up with a tremendous amount of waste.

1. Wasted time: The longer it takes to truly identify what the conflict is, the more difficult it becomes to unravel it. People get frustrated with conflict resolution efforts that go no where. 
2. Wasted energy: Conflict resolution takes a great deal of emotional energy to move through. Avoiding conflict takes twice as much energy! The energy spent NOT dealing with an issue is completely wasted. Most issues will have to be dealt with sooner or later— dealing with it sooner, being specific and direct, saves you the time and energy spent avoiding it. 
3. Increased stress: Not knowing what an issue really is, and not being able to deal with it directly can cause a great deal of stress as the "what-if" game is played. People spend inordinate amounts of time and energy worrying about what might happen, and trying to avoid these worst case scenarios. It is far simpler and less stressful to dive in and address the issues head-on, addressing the actual issue rather than the multiple possibilities that have been conjured up in ones' imagination. 

How do mediators and conflict coaches help?

Mediators and conflict coaches can help their clients be less ambiguous and more direct with a few techniques:

1. Ask them for clarification: Drill down on their statements and don't let them off the hook with passive or incomplete responses. "Tell me more about that" is a great way to get them to talk more about an issue. 
2. Reframe their comments: As you listen to what they are saying, you can reframe it and ask them if your reframing is correct. Sometimes they have provided the information but surrounded it with so many words and emotions, a simple distillation is necessary. If your reframing is correct — ask them to repeat it to you. If they repeat it, and it feels right to them, you have most likely gotten to the heart of the matter. If they don't think it feels right when they say it — ask them to reframe your statement until it is correct.
3. Start at the end, rather than the beginning: Sometimes asking a client what they want to see in a situation is the best way to get them unstuck from the scenarios they may have conjured up. When they can identify what they want, start working backward asking what is preventing it from happening. It takes longer — but eventually you get back to the root of the issue.

As you work with clients, remember that ambiguity and uncertainty are a shield of sorts to dealing with an actual conflict. Tread lightly, but understand that real solutions don't come unless real issues are identified.

For more articles on conflict and conflict resolution go to https://ktbeckenterprisesllc.com/blog