How to Advocate for Yourself Without Arrogance

When I meet with a new client for the first time…

It is relatively common for her to cite self-advocacy, or rather, her reluctance to do it… as her reason for hiring a Career Success Coach like me.

She might tell me she feels 'invisible' and that her 'contribution isn't recognised' at work for example...

But that she just can't bear the idea of promoting herself and the work she does to others.

There are a lot of thoughts these clients share with me at this point, which might sound something like this:

"I hate office politics and, even more, I hate office politicians.”

“I don’t want to big myself up to others.”

“My work should speak for itself.”

“I shouldn’t have to talk about my achievements.”

“My boss should just know what a good job I do.”

Maybe one...

Or two...

Or all of the above thoughts are resonating with you right now…

And if that’s the case, I’m here to say, I hear you and I need to ask you this:

Which of the lines above is the one you use most...

And what is that belief costing you?

Is it costing you a promotion?

An overdue pay rise?

What is it costing you, waiting around for recognition?

What is it costing you, not networking with senior stakeholders in your business?

What is it costing you?

Here's a Quick Coaching Conversation...

"So, what is avoiding self-advocacy costing you?" I might ask you.

And you might reply, “Well, Rebecca. It’s costing me a lot: pay, opportunity. I’m constantly feeling frustrated and angry about it. So, it's costing me my health. And I bring that home with me, right? So my family also hears all that frustration. But I just don’t want to come across as being arrogant. I don’t like self-promoting.”

And I might reply, “So, how could you self-promote, without coming across as arrogant?"

[You, thinking, then smiling] “Err... I guess I could ask to summarise how our team is hitting targets at each monthly meeting.”

“Nice,” I say. “How arrogant did that feel?”

“Not arrogant at all. It feels fine,” you might say. “But,” you might add, “there’s this guy James at work - he waltzes around like he owns the place. Everyone knows him but no-one likes him - he’s an office politician.”

“Ok,” I might reply. “James’ way of building relationships is different to yours. How would you prefer to build your relationships?”

[Thinking] “One-to-one. That would suit me better,” you might say.

“Great. Who specifically would you want to build a relationship with?” I ask. “Who could help advocate for you and your career for example?”

“Mina and Stuart. They are the key people. I could do one-on-one meetings with them.”

“Awesome. So, no need to waltz around the office at all then?”

“I guess not,” you say, laughing.

It’s funny how many coaching conversations start with the client feeling frustrated and stuck…

And how many end with light-heartedness and clarity. :)

If you’re feeling stuck…

It’s likely that how you’re seeing things... is what’s keeping you stuck.

I'm just going to repeat that because it's important:

How you're seeing things is likely what's keeping you stuck.

Plenty of people build their executive presence in an authentic, comfortable way.

Plenty of people ask for what they want without coming across as arrogant.

Plenty of people get ahead in their careers without having to compromise themselves or others.

It’s just a question of defining your way of doing it. :)

What are you doing to raise your profile in a way that feels 'right' for you? I'd love you to comment below!

If you loved this newsletter, you might like these past issues too:

Are You An Insecure Overachiever?

How to Get the Recognition You Want

Let's Chat!

In my business, at?Illuminate Personal Growth, we specialise in helping women get promoted faster and thrive in their new roles. Maybe you need to raise your visibility and get recognition? Perhaps you want to be heard and influence decision making? Perhaps you want to be sought out for your expertise and be seen as a thought leader? Perhaps you want a promotion?

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?? 1.?Grab our FREE resource ‘The 7 Habits of Female Execs Who Get Promoted’...?It’s the ultimate guide to creating the positioning you need in your career to get promoted faster –?Click Here

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?? 3.?Join our FREE Members’ Group and connect with other professional women who are pushing for more too... it’s our Facebook community where smart, savvy women like you learn how to build executive presence and be seen as they intend by key stakeholders. We also have fun! —?Click Here