How to Address Defensiveness as a Leader

As a leader, receiving a low ranking on a company-wide survey regarding your team's likelihood to ask questions or provide feedback can be a wake-up call. If your score was a 2 out of 5, while other leaders scored higher, it's time to take actionable steps to improve.

Assessing the Situation

At Begin With Ashley, our initial assessment gathers crucial data to determine your path forward. One common issue we identify is defensiveness in response to feedback, especially among directors, CEOs, and founders. This defensiveness often places restraints on a welcoming and inclusive company culture.

In addition to uncovering workplace power dynamics, we take a look at individual behaviors that may be contributing to the experiences expressed in the assessment. We measure this to understand collaboration and engagement in the organization which is vital to an inclusive company culture.

Supporting Data

Recent studies by Qualtrics and Korn Ferry indicate that a significant portion of employees feel their leaders do not handle feedback or questions well, often reacting defensively. These studies highlight the importance of leaders fostering psychological safety by being consultative and supportive. When leaders react defensively, it undermines trust and hinders open communication, collaboration, and engagement within teams.

Recognizing Defensive Behaviors

Defensiveness, particularly in leadership roles or roles with a high level of positional power, hinders progress. Consider how you typically respond when someone asks a question. Common defensive behaviors include:

• Deflecting Responsibility: Assigning the question to someone else or ignoring it to avoid conflict.
• Condescending Responses: Using belittling remarks like, "Well, everyone knows that…," to imply the questioner is foolish.
• Question Deflection: Asking numerous questions in return until the original question is forgotten.

Definitions and Understanding

To ground the discussion, let's define key terms using the Oxford dictionary:

• Defense: The action of defending from or resisting attack.
• Defensive: Very anxious to challenge or avoid criticism.

Underlying Causes of Defensiveness

Recognizing your defensive behaviors is a crucial component towards change. Here are examples of common causes:

• Feeling Inadequate: In the past, I was never made to feel good enough, so when I’m questioned even if you're asking for clarity, I’m reminded of never feeling good enough and believe that you see that too.?
• Overly Protective Instincts: I’ve had to keep my guard up to protect myself because I didn't feel safe growing up. Now I defend from any actual or perceived threat.?
• Past Criticism: A history of shame, criticism, or bullying can make feedback or questions feel threatening, reminding you of these experiences.
• Perfectionism: Growing up I was made to feel inadequate and unlovable so I strive for perfection at all times.?

Closing Thoughts

Accepting questions and receiving feedback are essential aspects of leadership. Recognizing and addressing defensive behaviors can transform your leadership style, fostering a more inclusive and collaborative environment. By improving how you handle feedback, you can enhance team dynamics, boost engagement, and drive innovation within your company culture.

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