How To Make a Difference in Challenging Times

Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step." In these challenging times, we yearn to make a difference, to counteract the devastating consequences of Covid19. yet sometimes we aren't sure how to do that.

These C.H.O.O.S.E. options are ways to step up and be the quality of person, parent and leader we want to be - and everyone around us needs us to be. Hope you find them useful.

C – CONNECT and SERVE.

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer

Sheltering in place has cause many people to feel isolated and lonely. Know what I've discovered?

Loneliness isn't always an absence of people; sometimes it's an absence of purpose.

Ikigai is a Japanese concept that means, "a reason or purpose to wake up in the morning."

What is your reason for waking up? What is the purpose that gives your life meaning and momentum?

The first step to connecting is to stop thinking about how we feel and start thinking about how we can serve.

Who is a friend going it alone who could use a supportive call? Who is someone in need of a job we could refer to a colleague who's hiring? Who is writing valuable content and you could share one of their blogs? What is a local business that's had to shut their doors and you could buy a gift-certificate to support their employees while they're out of work?

If you're sad because you can’t be there to celebrate a loved one’s birthday - or if you know someone in the hospital and can't be there to comfort them - create a TRIBUTE video. It is an easy (and free) way to curate a video montage from loved ones sharing favorite memories that let this person know s/he matters. It is the next best thing to being there in person.

H – Help Out, Help Up

"When I was a boy and would see scary things in the news, my mother would say, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’" - Mr. Rogers

If you’re watching the news and getting stressed or depressed … it’s not helping. Ask yourself, “Can I DO anything about what I'm seeing?” If not, it is not the best use of your mind and time. Turn your attention to where and how can you add value.

I remember seeing Peter Diamandis speak at the U.N. He said there are two kind of people in the world ... red-capers and blue-capers.

Red-capers fight evil and injustice. They are our super-heroes.

Blue-capers are forces for good. They innovate, create, elevate the human condition/spirit.

I thought, "Well, there are also black-capers. They don't fight evil and justice and they don't create or elevate. They just complain about what's wrong and don't do anything about it."

Which are you? Today, follow Mr. Rogers advice. Look for the helpers, More importantly, be one. Does an elderly neighbor need their dog walked, their lawn mowed? Might a teacher appreciate some money to buy supplies they normally pay for out of their own pocket?

If you’re not already aware of NEXT DOOR, now’s the time to check it out. It is a way to get to know your neighbors and help those in need.

O – OPT to create beauty and immerse yourself in beauty.

"Whenever you create beauty, you restore your own soul." - Alice Walker

Producing something beautiful is a way to take back control when we can't control much.

This is one reason why people are baking, knitting, painting, doing craft projects, flower-arranging and gardening In fact, Google Trends says searches for "growing vegetables" is up 4,650% from last year! How deeply satisfying it is to plant seeds and see them flourish. Growing something and creating something is a visceral, visual way to nourish our soul.

Want good news? Mother Nature hasn't been cancelled. And she is an antidote to what ails us. She's a reminder of what's right with the world. Could you give yourself a gift and plan a get-away to a local park, forest, ocean, river or mountain valley this weekend? As Khalil Gibran said, "And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair." And Edna Jacques said, "Go out, go out, I beg you, and taste the beauty of the wild, with all the wonder of a child."

O – ORGANIZE “rising tide raising all involved” virtual gatherings.

"Community makes the world run." - Questlove

Has your local Chamer of Commerce or service club like Rotary cancelled their meetings? It's time to evolve our belief of how we convene. Just because we can't meet in person doesn't mean we cann't keep people connected and keep our community alive. 

A friend was disappointed that her college reunion, something she'd been looking forward to for months, was cancelled. Then she discovered that EAB - Education Advisory Board - has pages of resources on how to switch in-person events to virtual. She contacted the program chair and suggested they get creative and figure out how they could still "get together" from different parts of the country. She said, "Everyone was so grateful that we didn't just abandon our plans, and many of us are re-ignited friendships and we're closer than ever."

And if you want to be inspired, watch this video of how Eric Whitacre assembled the largest virtual choir ever - 17,500 people from around the world - to come together to "Sing Gently as One." Soaring proof that we can be connected even when we're isolated.

S – SHARE Your Knowledge FREE

"Your value will not be what you know, it will be what you share." Virginia Rometty

If you have knowledge that could add value for others, now is the time to teach it. For free. No bait and switch. This is about serving, not selling. About giving forward, not getting rich.

If you have skills that might be helpful to others right now, teach them online.

That's what Qigong Master Chunyi Lin did. Normally, people with health challenges fly from around the world to his SpringForest Qigong Center in the U.S. to work privately with him. When Coronavirus made that impossible, he offered half-hour free Facebook Live sessions healing sessions that were attended by people from 60 different countries.

Peter Sterios (founder of Manduka who taught yoga at the White House) did something similar. He was devastated when the national tour planned for his new book Gravity and Grace was cancelled because of the quarantine. But he decided to gift his talents with free LIVE YOGA sessions online. He told me, "Sam, this actually worked out better than being on the road for three months. I'm home with my wife and daughter, I'm not exhausted, and my work is reaching and benefitting more people."

Pablo Picasso said, "The purpose of life is to find your gifts. The meaning is to give them away." Now is the time to gift your gifts, whether that's how to play the guitar, grow flowers, or deal with grief. Who knows where your influence will lead?

E – Establish Daily Rituals 

"The secret of your success is found in your daily routine." - John C. Maxwell

In these turbulent times, the secret to feeling safe is found in our daily routine.

That's not just my opinion. My son'g godmother is Dr. Dianne Gerard, a respected psychologist in Hawaii. When Hurricane Iniki devastated the island of Kauai years ago, county officials asked her advice on how people could adjust to "the new norm."

Her first recommendation was to establish daily ritual so you have something you can count on. She said, "When our world has been turned upside down and inside out, we need something we can trust.”

Right now, many people of us are in a state of anxiety. Anxiety can be defined in two words, "now knowing." We don't know what will happen in the weeks and months ahead. When will schools and businesses re-open? Will there be a second surge of Covid19 cases?

We can counteract that anxiety by establishig meaningful daily or weekly rituals.

For example, I have estabished a Thursday night "story-time" ritual with my grandkids so we have something we know we'll do every week. I may not be able to sit in a rocking chair with them in my lap, but we can Facetime and read out loud to each other. It's a way to control something in a world where we cannot control much.

We're in the middle of what's called a hinge event, "a point or circumstance upon which all subsequent events depend." Life, as we knew it, has changed and we're not going back.

These C.H.O.O.S.E. options are a way to make a positive difference ... now, not someday.

- - -

Sam Horn, CEO of the Tongue Fu! Training Institute, is on a mission to help people communicate respectfully. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books have been featured in NY Times, on NPR, and taught to Intel, Cisco, YPO, EO, Nationwide, Capital One, Accenture, NASA.