How To Actually Get What You Want, What You Really Really Want

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. 

  ~Wayne W. Dyer

Have you ever been so turned off by bad service from someone or something that, not only did you commit to not shop there ever again, but you went out of your way to tell everyone that you knew just how bad your experience was? That was the case with one restaurant that I had lunch at, or should I say attempted to have lunch at a few months ago.

In a nutshell, here’s what happened:

“Yes, I’d like your special please.” I asked.

“None left” was the blunt reply.

“But it’s only 12:30” I said

“Doesn’t matter, none left” she repeated.

“Do you have anything else to substitute?” I queried.

“The cook won’t let us substitute”.

“Not even if it’s only a half hour into the noon hour and there’s nothing left?”

“Nope. Are you going to order something else or what?”

“Well, I’d like to. What would you suggest?”

“I don’t care. Whatever you want.” She snapped.

“Well, I need time to look.” I said.

“Well hurry up, there’s other people in the line and I go on break in 10 minutes.” She retorted.

“Thanks anyway, I’ll get lunch somewhere else” I said.

“Hey, don’t blame me” she said “I just work here, if you’re going to blame someone, blame the management.”

I left, vowing under my breath to never darken their door ever again.

Yes, as hard as it is to believe, that really happened. As I look back on the experience now, it looks like it could have been written into one of the episodes of Seinfeld, and they could have made a whole show about it.

"No lunch for you!"

Recently, I had the occasion to be in that part of town again, and as I drove by that same restaurant, in the window, hidden behind the community fliers announcing upcoming yard sales and announcements for new waiter/waitresses, was a sign announcing the restaurant was “under new management”. Seeing that it was close to one o’clock, and I hadn’t eaten yet that day, I decided I’d give the place another try. And I am very glad that I did! What a difference a new manager with a new attitude makes! Just walking into the place was a totally different experience. Physically, the place looked the same, but it was the attitude of the staff that made the difference. I was greeted with a smile and a friendly hello and a seemingly eager desire on the part of the server to help me. She asked me about my day, what brought me in to that restaurant, what type of business I was in and then she even asked me my name, and all the while that I was there, she used it. As I was leaving, after paying my bill, she said, “Thank you for having lunch with us Paul, I hope you come back soon.”

I love what this example represents. It simply says that sometimes for things to get better or change, it is imperative that we analyze our current results and determine if they are the ones we want and if not, fire our current management style and start fresh.

We must develop a whole new style of “personal management”.  

When I say personal management, I simply mean how we handle ourselves in our dealings with others and in managing our relationships and responsibilities.

Now, I've been around a while, and i've seen it all (well a good bit anyway): The good, the bad and the godawful ugly, and I've kinda been keeping notes in my journals. To save you time and effort, I've compiled 6 questions you can ask yourself to point you towards success and happiness and to get more of what you want in life:

1. First we must ask if both our habits and our beliefs towards ourselves and others is open and healthy and ask if we are willing to make a change if one is necessary. 
2. We need to ask if we have fallen into the habit of criticizing, condemning or complaining, or are we looking for ways to truly give more than expected to the other person. 
3. Are we genuinely interested in the other person and encouraging them to talk or do we interrupt them to tell them about how much better or important than them we are. 
4. We must also ask ourselves what is working and what is not and then simply stop doing what isn't working. 
5. Instead of blaming others, we should look at our own relationships and ask ourselves what we can do to improve on them and then make the change. The most common mistake that people make in their relationships is to expect that because they make a change the other person will as well: It is simply not going to happen! 
6. It would be important to remember as well that for things to change, we must change. We have to have clarity and be willing to ask "from what to what?" The only thing in life we can actually change is our own attitudes and beliefs. We can impact the other person, but we can’t change them: they have to do that on their own. Zig Ziglar, a prominent personal management trainer said “you can get everything that you want in life; if you’ll just help enough other people get what they want.”

So, it is possible to get what you want, what you really really want if you simply recognize that life isn't about you (well, not all of it) it's about the connections you make and have and how you make others feel.

This week, as you are creating a new direction in your life, why not look at changing your personal management philosophy towards how you deal with and communicate with other people, and when you do, you’ll find that good things and powerful relationships will seem to happen to you much more often than you may have imagined.

Make an Impact this week!

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My vision is quite simple: to make an impact on the lives of the people who have been entrusted to me: You (for reading this article), my family and my clients. 

I coach people. Direct, practical, innovative, meaningful. I coach for excellence.I love what I do... and so do my clients.

Over the years I've noticed that business coaching that was supposed to make us stronger actually took away our confidence and made us doubt ourselves. Confidence and people skills aren't developed just by measuring and planning everything, they grow through doing and learning from experience and by taking risks. People want to make a difference. Build teams. Be better understood. Live more confidently.

I am committed to creating a world where business people communicate and act with confidence to create better worlds for themselves. Worlds where they feel powerful and free to express themselves. Worlds where something as simple as conversation creates energy, understanding and impact. Worlds so exquisite, I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

If you found this article helpful, insightful or moving, please let me know, if you think it can help others, please share it with them.