How to accept your weaknesses. PS: What if they’re nothing "bad"?

The need for perfection cripples a lot of us. I’ve just recently learned that it’s one of the many ways how a flight (stress) response expresses itself. Deeply buried under protective layers of masks the following belief tends to lead perfectionists:

??If I‘m perfect, I will be loved and safe. I won’t be abandoned.“

Interesting, isn’t it? That’s one of the reasons why I, a "healed ex-perfectionist", decided to write about what some people would call “my weaknesses” today.

?The dark and bright side

For me, there’s always a ?positive“ and ?negative“ side to everything. Because we live in a world of duality. We all have everything in us. The potential to become a compassionate, loving being and the potential to be a cruel, humanity hating creature.

The goal of this article is to show you that it’s ok to be flawsome and human. And that there’s always something ?good“ in the ?bad“ when you look deeply enough. BTW:

The term flawsome consists out of the two words flaws and awesome. To me, flawsome describes a human being who acknowledges, embraces and works on their flaws. Because the owning and integration of these attributes is what makes us powerful, vital and authentic beyond our wildest imagination...

With this newsletter I also want to remind you that we often judge people too quickly and harshly.

My weaknesses and their benefits

So, here are some of the “negative traits” some people think I have. Being…

? stubborn ?? maybe, and the positive side of it is I get important things done ??

? demanding ?? similar here, I expect "a lot" of myself and other people around me, because I know that change starts with the person we see in the mirror every day. I’m devoted to becoming a bit more of my true self each day. It works for me

? too efficient ?? efficiency itself “turns me on”. I don’t know how to put it into better words. Hehe?

? overambitious ?? see: being demanding

? insensitive ?? hilarious, I’m the complete opposite. I’ve “just” learned to stay away from other people’s drama, problems and unnecessary suffering. Esp. when I haven’t been invited to help them. (I've stopped stepping into the hero/savior role).

? too sensitive ?? ?? I’m confused now... -> see being insensitive

? indifferent ?? again, funny. I do care. And: about the “right” things. I choose to have no time for somebody who wallows in worrying and feeling sorry for themselves. I focus on those who take self-responsibility. Who are ready to fully feel, forgive, grow and let go

? egocentric ?? I’ve struggled with low self-respect and people-pleasing for decades. Now, I give my best to practice more self-care and set healthy boundaries. I give people “permission slips” to be more loving towards themselves

? unrealistic ?? Tim Ferris taught me that “reality” (whatever that is) is negotiable

? naive ?? my trust, my knowing, in something bigger than myself and that I’m protected is unshakable. It was a tough journey rebuilding that. It’s the essential basis of my courage

A short experimental break

Let’s have a short experimental break together, ok? Now you know all these - what my inner critic would label as - “embarrassing”, “terrible” and “bad” things about me.

An older, scared version of me would have been sure that you’d not even read this paragraph. Because you’d be "so disgusted" by me – my shadows – that you’d have closed the tab to this article and moved on with your life. You’d also immediately call your five besties (as if you had nothing better to do with your time…??) and tell them they “have to” stay away from my content. ‘Cause I’m “so gross” and “imperfect”. Hahaha. That was my old, inner dialogue and fear.

As you’re still reading these lines, I assume neither the first nor second mind-created drama story turned into my reality, right? Most probably you felt seen and/or heard by the above lines. Maybe there was a sense of relief: “Gosh, I thought it’s only me going through that!”

We’ve connected deeper after I opened and showed my real self. Which is the opposite of the fear I initially projected.

If that’s the outcome for me. This will be likely true for you, too. Can you remember at least one situation when exactly that happened in the past? ??

How I‘ve learned to love my weaknesses

Now, how did I learn to see, love and accept all of myself? Firstly, by becoming aware of the fact that I hated and tried to hide certain aspects of myself. Which leads to low energy, self-doubts and eventually dis-ease.

Secondly, I’ve stopping myself from suppressing these parts or feeling ashamed of/guilty for having them. Which does not mean that I‘m acting out all of these impulses.

Thirdly, I’m having inner dialogues with these aspects of myself. I ask them if they have a message. And what they need to be integrated. Yes, it’s a journey and it is worth it.

Our psyche, our inner world, is much more complex that we think it is. Or want it to be. The I consists out of many facets.

Be patient with yourself and ask a mentor to guide you on the journey to your whole self, if you’re not experienced with this type of (inner) work yet.

Recap and last thoughts

Even when some people judge certain parts of me - or you - as “bad” or “weak”. They don’t have to live with these parts. We do. It’s also very easy to judge things we don’t understand. Every average idiot can do that. And:

The likeliness that some people don’t like these parts, because they don’t like these aspects about THEMSELVES is pretty high…

So, focus on yourself. Learn to accept and love your weaknesses by:

1.??? Becoming aware of these aspects, judgments and thoughts

2.??? Slowly, stopping to suppress or feeling ashamed of them

3.??? Sitting, staying with, feeling them and listening to their message

4.??? Integrating them

5.??? If you haven’t learned how yet, ask for professional guidance

Over to you:

Do you know how to love your “unlovable” part(s)?

If you’d appreciate my guidance with that, reach out. I‘m just one direct message away.