How 60 Days Off Work Changed This Change Guy

I learned to live more from my heart than my head.

Two months off, sweet! I was totally going to make the most of my mandatory consultant break. I had a couple of years to plan for this. With my financial bases covered, spring in the air, and hockey playoffs in full swing, it was time to rock my newfound freedom!

Errr, exactly how would I do that?

After researching what other people did on their sabbaticals, I made my own list. Not tough to guess what the first draft looked like: it was heavy on house chores, lawn work, closet cleaning, bedroom painting, dog walking, novel reading, working out, and finally figuring out a sane password-management system. You know, the shit on our dreary day-to-day lists we keep adding to but never get done. The fun, inspiring stuff was missing.

NOOOOOO! I wouldn’t let it happen. It was way too long since I had a full eight weeks off. Like maybe my last college summer break.

I was hostage to what to do rather than how to do it.

I tore up and tossed that terrible list, though I have to admit, those insidious to-do items stuck in my head. “Get that shit done!” the voices scolded me. “Tighten those wonky deck boards. For goodness sake, someone’s going to trip on them this summer.” Disciplined, driving John was alive and well. But I was committed to beating him back the next two months.

I got help from Robert Ohotto. He sent me an invite to his presentation, “Ukraine: Being the Light When the World Goes Dark.” I tuned in and got wrapped up in his notion of living from our heart vs. from our head. He focused on the global impact we can have on others in the worst times. I focused on making a few simple changes the next two months.

Ohotto described always living in our heads as a potential trap. One that keeps us stuck in black and white thinking; in an increasingly isolated, either/or, right/wrong, us/them mindset. It can become an anxious, fearful, divisive, violent place. (Sounds like much of today’s world, doesn’t it?) It resonated with me at a deep, personal level.

Living from the heart lets love in.

Maybe you’ve been there? To me, living from my heart is an inclusive place. One where I’m easy with and untriggered by diverse opinions and outcomes. It’s a natural sense of sitting in a both/and world. Being vulnerable. Having the courage to trust this space, even though because of my twisted conditioning, it can feel like a counter-intuitive space – like I have to bust out fast, get my shit together, get real, and take control of a situation. Yuk! That’s never worked for me in the long run. When I’m genuinely living from my heart, I let other people, possibilities, and optimism in. I’m a good listener to others, and to myself.

I latched onto that last part, really wanting to listen to and learn from myself. That would be a well-spent sixty days off work.

Ohotto paved the way with searing questions to reflect on:

• How big is my heart?
• How small is my heart?
• When do I turn away from my heart?
• When am I connected to my heart?

Again, that last question presented a trailhead I wanted to follow. How do I feel when I’m connected to my heart? The answers came quickly:

• I’m in my RTH space I go to while meditating: Receptivity / Transmission / Honoring
• I’m self-expressing in the face of everyday adversities
• I’m connected to others, in honest conversation with them, co-creating solutions together
• I “mull & muse” a lot: got that language from StrenghtsFinders and discovered that I shrivel up when I’m not doing enough of it

How do you feel when you’re truly connected to your heart? (Please share in Comments below!)

Time to get after it!

I like to be in action, so there was no way I’d sit on my ass for the next two months. Instead, I chose to put these new insights into play and experimented with living from my heart in the following three ways. Nothing was totally pre-planned. Though tempted, I put nothing on a spreadsheet. Each emerged as I permitted myself to let go of my 9-to-9 work mindset and feel my way through my sabbatical.

I traveled: Inside and out.

I took two trips, the first by myself, to Ogunquit, Maine. It is my happy place. Alone in a small oceanfront studio for a week, I mulled, mused, and wrote to my heart’s content as the surf and seagulls cheered me on. (Check out my pics. ) It was a powerfully reflective trip. A spiritual one I needed to re-charge my batteries after an intense start to 2022.

But my wife didn’t let me have all the fun on my two-month break. “Let’s use our miles and go to Puerto Rico,” she proposed. “In!” I said. And off we flew for a few nights in Old San Juan, then another few in Fajardo – a PR gateway to snorkeling dives, rainforest hikes, and bioluminescent-bay paddles. It was a totally active trip. (I didn’t even bring my laptop to write.) It was a hyper-physical vacation that kicked my ass and blew my mind with every new person, place, and parrot fish I came nose-to-nose with. My daily work grind? A distant memory.

Take both kinds of trips if you can. I was reminded I need frequent travel into and outside of myself to stay vital.

?I visited the front lines: Perspective restored me.

I often get accused of “house blindness,” that is, my taste in furniture, art, and plants is prehistoric. That’s because I live in the same environment every day, get lazy in it, and forget what else could enhance it. My work life was getting like that, especially having only worked virtually for the past two years, never personally hanging with any of my team members. “People blindness.” Is that a thing? It may have been mine.

I committed to getting out there again when I clocked out for two months. First, I signed up at a food shelf to shop and deliver groceries to folks in need. We all know about “finding ourselves in the service of others.” I needed a real-life refresher. Strictly sticking to other people’s shopping lists without adding stuff I think they should have… Delivering food to all walks of life without judgment… Waiting patiently when folks just weren’t home when I got there. My wife said I always returned with a glow as I shared stories of who I met that day. It’s true. I lived each shift with all of my heart.

On the flip side, I got to drive the rich & famous around Minneapolis. While I was off work, I told a buddy who owns a limo company that I was available for any last-minute driving gigs. I got the call. VeeCon came to Minneapolis in mid-May. I was the guy in the black suit with keys to a boss Escalade, so the celebs hopped in, and off we went.

Most were pleasant. Many bitched about their show presentations, villains in their space, and cancelled dinner reservations that should never happen to them. Talk about living in your head, or worse, having it up your ass. I felt like they had lost perspective while I was sharpening mine.

I planned my re-entry: I joined a team already working from their hearts

This was big to me. I was desperate not to return to the same-old, same-old even though it was easy to rationalize in my head: the change-management market was hot, lucrative LinkedIn offers piled up, maybe I should take an easy gig, and just coast for a while. But my heart told me otherwise. I needed to be with like-minded peeps from whom I could learn and be creatively inspired: not just on client work but on my personal writing projects and in everyday life.

That perfectly describes the Pivot Strategies team I joined and their core values : Positive mental attitude, Better is possible, Self-care is non-negotiable, Be the change, and Unapologetically hungry. Well-written, yes. More importantly, they’re well-lived by everyone on the team, striving to be the best versions of themselves. Writes Stacia Nelson, Pivot founder, and CEO, on Linkedin :

So, here’s to taking that precious time, whenever you can. And relishing it rather than feeling guilty. Today is here to be enjoyed.

She meant it. During our last Self-Care workshop, she paused our meeting to have us all “front-load” our calendars with a heart-felt passion we want to live into the rest of this year.

No Sunday Scaries

It went quickly, but I’m good with what I learned in my two months off. Days before I went back to work, I felt at peace—no Sunday Scaries I thought would ravage me. Instead, I was excited to model new possibilities as a change leader, a guy who’s more responsible for his own shit to better connect and be with others.

Dr. Richard Schwartz, author of No Bad Parts , calls that living in a more “Self-led” way. That is, being aware of different personal parts that often try to control my behavior without me knowing it. (Like my “Workaholic Guy,” “Incessant Inner Critic,” “Head-in-the-Sand Guy,” and many others!) Schwartz says learning to recognize when our parts are running the show, then asking them to step back so you’re more Self-led, unlocks access to the Eight C’s: Compassion, Creativity, Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, Calm, Connectedness, and Clarity.

I love those spaces. It absolutely feels like living from my heart.

Might be a long time ‘til I get another two months off. That’s OK. Even if two minutes of my life each day improves from all that I learned, I’m in real good shape.