Household Duties: Issue 18

ATTENTION!

HOUSEHOLD DUTIES VOLUME II will end at Issue 20, August 2023.

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When You're The Only One

It's easy to feel overwhelmed when you're the only one taking care of your parents. Whether you're the only child, or your siblings can't (or won't) help, the load lands on your shoulders. It's all too easy to be overwhelmed and lost. What are you going to do? Read more

Self-Sacrificing Solutions

It's easy to put ourselves aside while we help someone else. And it's good too to think beyond ourselves. However, when it's a habit and we do it all the time, there is a hidden danger attached. Without realizing it, we settle into "doormat" status as we neglect our self-care to attend to other needs.

Chronic self-sacrificing can be a problematic hindrance for us. Sometimes it's too easy to forget about us while we take care of everyone else. In facilitating our parents or full-time caregiving, self-sacrificing is a normal and definite fact of our lives.

We can talk all we want about self-care, but it is our responsibility to follow through with actions, or else, we may subject ourselves to burnout and compound our own health problems with chronic stress.

With technology today, with a tap (or a click) we can find online support groups and others who are in similar situations as ourselves. It helps to know that there are others who have already walked this path and share their knowledge and life lessons with us. Loren Gelberg-Goff, LCSW, CHt presented options and solutions for me to reach out for help, advice, and guidance.

The Positive Part of Planning

I have to admit, planning is not something I enjoy. Writing my daily life into little blocks seems so restricting to my creative mind. However, I have learned the hard way that I am wrong. Planning has a very positive side.

It's important to plan our day as facilitators and caregivers, to block off time slots for various tasks and to stay on track. The plus for this is that you also plan time for yourself in the day, whether it is for 15 minutes or even 2 hours.

Planning puts things into perspective. Sure, we may not be able to always follow our plan; life has a way of interrupting it, but if we choose to stay committed to our plan, then it becomes a priority that will pay off.

Building Trust with Small Chores

Vertigo can be very disruptive for aging parents. The world never stops turning and balance becomes a challenge. The risk of falling increases sharply. It was difficult for my dad to sit around all day. He was always active and productive. Even when he felt dizzy, he did what he could to help with household chores.

The key strategy for me was to be around him at all times to help prevent any falls. He would dry the dishes and transfer laundry from the washer and dryer. Since both tasks required him to stand and occasionally move around, I was always close by...and so was a chair.

He persisted and slowly he gained my trust that he could do more. And he did. He would put away dishes and fold towels. Then we moved on to putting the towels away. It motivated him and validated his need to be useful.

He insisted on preparing his wardrobe also. He took great care in making sure that his outfits matched and were accessible. It was good to watch him assert this level of independence and it encouraged me to find more tasks that he could contribute to.