Hosting and Hospitality

I love hosting. I inherited this from my ancestors.

Food, no surprise, is at the heart of my hospitality – it’s how I express my gratitude to my host. I spend many hours, and sometimes days, cooking up a feast. And I often send my guests home with leftovers.

Recently while visiting some elders in Southern Punjab to learn about ancestral wisdom in Sulha, or conflict resolution, in their tribes, one of the elders shared an expression I had heard my Dada Jaani, my paternal grandfather, use decades ago. And this was an expression Dada Jaani had learned from his great-grandmother. It went something like this:

Kadon saaday kaar barkat che izaafa karan aao gay?

The expression roughly translates into: When will you come to add to the barkat in our home?

Barkat is a deeply rooted concept in our worldview that roughly means abundance – the sort that shows up in ways we often can’t measure. It’s when limited resources somehow stretch farther than we thought possible. When time feels fuller and more meaningful. When peace quietly makes its way into the little nooks of our busy lives.

Barkat isn’t just about what we have – it’s about how life feels when gratitude and generosity guide the way. It’s that inexplicable transformation where scarcity turns into sufficiency and challenges build resilience. Barkat reminds us that true wealth isn’t about accumulation but about sharing, trusting the unseen, and finding joy in the simple and sacred.

This concept of barkat ties deeply into the rituals of hosting and sharing. When elders extended an invitation, it wasn’t just about food or space; it was about creating a sacred exchange of abundance. No matter how little they had, in sharing it, in spreading it, in celebrating it with someone, they believed it would indeed be multiplied. This act of hosting wasn’t transactional; it was transformational.

An invitation honoured the recipient by amplifying their worth. It honoured the host by demonstrating their ability to create space for others, no matter their material means. It wasn’t simply about entertaining; it was about fostering social cohesion, building alliances, and weaving the fabric of the community tighter.

The Power of Ritual When a guest arrived, they, too, participated in this sacred ritual. They never came empty-handed, often bringing something sweet as a token of appreciation. But they also never brought too much, lest it suggest the host lacked the means to provide adequately. The exchange was delicate yet deeply meaningful, a dance of respect and care. Such rituals extended well beyond hospitality and into protocols for apologizing, seeking an apology, seeking business arrangements, and much more.

The Power of Sharing As the day progressed, the gathering wasn’t just about eating or drinking. It became a place of learning, a council of wisdom. Stories were traded: tales of new alliances, births, ailments, developments in territories, conflicts that had erupted, conflicts resolved, and those still unresolved. In sharing these stories, knowledge and experiences flowed freely, reinforcing bonds and building trust.

The Power of Intergenerational Learning Children were expected to observe, to serve their elders with care and respect. Their role wasn’t to interrupt with questions but to be fully present, absorbing the nuances of storytelling, the rhythms of dialogue, and the way ideas were exchanged. Later, when the gathering ended, they could ask their questions, allowing space for reflection and deep listening in the moment. This ritual taught patience, observation, and respect for the wisdom of others. These gatherings were an important space for intergenerational learning. This is one way children learned the art of negotiation, the beauty of compromise, and the importance of kindness, all without a single lecture or lesson plan. They learned relationally. These lessons shaped not just the children but the community itself, nurturing a culture of collective care and understanding. Hosting, in this way, wasn’t just about hospitality; it was about weaving the threads that bind a community together.

The Power of Social Cohesion Hosting, in this way, wasn’t just about hospitality; it was about weaving the threads that bind a community together. It leveraged the transformative power of food, story, ritual, and intergenerational learning in bringing people together. In a world that often feels fractured, reflecting on these moments remind us of the transformative power of bringing people together.

Hosting isn’t just about opening a door or setting a table; it’s about creating space for stories to unfold, for wisdom to flow, and for connections to deepen. Its about the time it takes to prepare for a guest. Its about the invitation, about the intention to transform scarcity into abundance by coming together. It’s about practicing rituals that remind us of who we are, where we come from, and how we’re all interconnected.

#foodforpeace #peacebuilding #comingtogether #ancestralknowledge