Horse Talk with coach Oana N?stase (part 2)

As promised, we continued the discussion with coach Oana Nastase about finding who we are and walking the talk. Why is it important? Because many of us go through a lengthy period of doubting our decisions, lifestyle, or reasons to have a specific job or to be in one particular relationship. We sometimes trade our dreams for safety, and this leads to suffering. We can shorten this period and find a way to be authentic and live life to the fullest of possibilities.

1. Oana, sometimes we feel that people we work with don’t like us. Could it be true, or is it just a conflict of expectations and a miscommunication?

Do you remember Nicole from the first part of the discussion? When there is a misalignment between your expectations and those of the people you work with, the relationship can deteriorate quickly.

If Nicole was 100% on board with the expectations initially communicated by her boss, her expectations changed in time because of her numerous successes in her job. And success after success, she started to believe she deserved more & better, while her boss began to hint that this kind of individual performer is not desired in the team, regardless of the stellar achievements. And again, this cultural misalignment, if you want, led to behaviors that precipitated the separation. Her job transformed slowly from a dream job into a nightmare.

?2. You previously said that one should be in alignment to have a fulfilled career and life experience. What kind of alignment could have been reached in the situation mentioned above?

Indeed, I said that. Moreover, to reach alignment, one should clean their lenses, beliefs, and repetitive thoughts, become aware of them, and put them in order. Awareness and alignment are supported by two giant pillars: authenticity and integrity.

3. What is authenticity? Was Nicole authentic?

A standard definition would be that being authentic is living your life according to your values and goals rather than others.

Authenticity means you're true to your personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you're under to act otherwise. You're honest with yourself and others and take responsibility for your mistakes. Your values, ideals, and actions align. As a result, you come across as genuine and willing to accept the consequences of being true to what you consider suitable.

Authenticity goes hand in hand with courage, high self-esteem, empathy, inner power, cleaning your past such as you are not ashamed of past actions, nobody can blackmail you, and going ahead standing tall and proud whether you make mistakes or not. It is like having nothing to hide, being loyal to yourself, going out in the world and laughing when you are happy, crying when you are sad, telling your truth and your values, and acting according to them.

It is a simple concept but extremely hard to embody it. It can take years or a lifetime of practice and trial and error, but it is worth the effort.

In our story, Nicole is one of the many successful careerwomen of my generation. Was Nicole authentic? She thought she was because she had years of previous work with herself; she was aware of her qualities and values and was committed to acting accordingly. But the moment when a working environment or a personal relationship becomes a war zone, you have the responsibility to stop and reassess.

4. What do you do when while being authentic and assertive about your expectations, a working or personal relationship still doesn’t function?

?Ask yourself three questions:

a) What is my objective? What do I want for real?

b) What do I want from that relationship?

c) Which is the priority order? ?

?Most of the time, humans have two or three objectives, calling them “very important.”

Unfortunately, you have to prioritize. Do you know the saying “who runs after two rabbits catch no one”? It applies.

In our example, Nicole wanted the job, but in her terms; in other words, she had two objectives: the position and keeping her way of doing things.

?But soon, she reached another layer of authenticity, the need to choose between doing the job on her boss's terms or giving up and keeping her working principles.

The answer to the second question will also shape behavior. Alignment is when she acts according to her communicated intentions. Pretending is when she declares something and works differently.

In our story, Nicole fell into the trap of double objectives, which is why stress and conflict emerged. One should know when is the moment to let go.

?5. At this point, one may ask himself, why bother? Why be authentic if this leads to tough decisions and maybe there are more manageable, painless ways to obtain the results you want?

It can be challenging to live authentically. Sometimes, being true to what you know is proper for yourself means you go against the crowd. It may mean being unconventional, opening yourself up to the possibility of others hurting you, and taking the more challenging road. On the one hand, it does mean missing some opportunities – you must accept this.

However, staying authentic will likely open up many more opportunities.

Living an authentic life is also vastly more rewarding than hiding your true self. When you live authentically, you don't have to worry about what you said (or didn't say), how you acted, or whether you did the right thing. Living authentically means you can trust yourself and your motivations implicitly. It also means less unnecessary suffering.

To be continued

At this link you can find the first part of our discussion.

Oana Nastase Bleckenwegner?is currently a coach, mentor, and consultant.?She is ICF Romania ambassador to Vienna, specializes as Holistic Life, Career, and Executive Coach, and is accredited as PCC – Professional Certified Coach. Her experience as a coach and consultant covers?corporate managers approaching the next hierarchical level or in career transition stages,?entrepreneurs looking to enhance their level of efficiency and performance in their companies, limit conflicts, increase team cohesion, freelancers or early-stage entrepreneurs focused on busting their startups, finding and aligning their purpose, mission, values with their enterprise, finding their target customers, branding and communicating accordingly,?school teachers in need to increase their communication and leadership skills,?ambitions persons interested in their evolution, overpassing own limits, improving their relations with peers, managers, clients, life partners or families.

She has been a mentor since 2013 within Professional Women Network Romania, since 2021 within PWN Austria, and since 2019 within Asebuss Alumni Association.?

And this is where you can reach her:?https://oananastase.com