Of Hopes & Dreams (the end)

Last year I wrote part 1 of a 2 part series on Legacy - if you haven’t read it go here: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/importance-legacy-part-1-bobby-singh/

This scribble is part 2 (the last) and is about hopes, dreams and purpose. The above image is off a text book I found whilst I was going through my dads stuff this holiday break - to say going through his stuff was therapeutic and is part of the healing process is complete garbage - it just needs to be done because no-one else is going to do it! However, the process itself got me thinking about why? Why do I do what I do? What is it that I do? and What is my purpose?

Whilst I never had any real insight into my dads hopes & dreams it came evidently clear to me that his actual purpose wasn’t what I was reading through his “rest of the world” scribe or his engineering background; these all served as a vehicle to his purpose. His purpose being to ensure his family was provided for long after he was gone.  It was a different generation that my old man came from - built from something we don’t see anymore, a resilience, a fight and a mental toughness. If I can be half the person he was I will have achieved my purpose.

So what is my purpose I find myself asking? This is a tough thing to answer without sounding ‘cliche’ - but I am here to leave a legacy that is remembered long after I am gone. Everything I do is a vehicle to this end game!  

What lessons do I take into 2019 that allow me to press further into this purpose and put the end game into clear sight:

1. In grief there is only you

Grief is a lonely journey it’s no different to business. You are in control of your emotions and like business grief takes nothing personally.  Everyone deals with grief differently but I found that taking a non emotional bias helps - decisions need to be practical and pragmatic.  We are in control of everything except for time - time does not heal wounds and nor does it make decisions for you. Everyday without action is time lost and getting lost in indecision leads to mental paralysis.

2. Strengths not weaknesses

For some reason people tend to focus on the negative, the bits that they are not good at. Could be anything - emotion, physical strength or mental toughness. However, focusing on your weaknesses is counter productive unless you can turn them into strengths - it is a long empty road when your focus shifts to your weaknesses. Focus on your strengths perfect them - use them, exploit them.  

3. State of mind 

The mind plays tricks - you latch onto thoughts - things like I can’t, or I miss him or the ‘I wonders’. I really struggled with my thoughts this year - I mean the question of emptiness wasn’t so much on my mind in as much as the feeling of emptiness was - this drove a roller coast of emotions and heavily influenced my mental and physical state. I even went and saw a psychiatrist because I thought I was going out of my mind! (it was nothing the psych could fix it was on me).  

Eventually I started to realise all my mind needed was to be listened to, someone to voice a thought to without judgement. So I stopped suppressing my thoughts and let them talk to me (in my mind if that makes sense). Funnily enough this allowed me to get back in control of my thoughts - I acknowledged I was missing my dad and gave myself the chance to be heard. 

So what now?… I started coaching myself (my mind) to acknowledge the thoughts; and enacted strategies to control my own mind. If I missed my dad I focussed on the positive and what I could do to achieve my legacy in his honour and drive my purpose, if I was having an ‘off’ day I had to continually force myself to just keep moving. I surrounded myself with people who kept me moving - with specific people in my team being of positive mindset and having similar interests being huge contributors in my ability to control my state of mind.  

4. Be disciplined

This to me is a focus on being practical - staying fit, eating well and focusing on me. This was pretty easy because I grew up in a pretty disciplined house hold and one thing my dad ensured was we remained disciplined and focused - routine was very important. The flip side of being disciplined was the focus on myself and how it impacted people around me - I kind of lost the ability to be present. However, this is noted and will become part of my focus.  

In summary,

2019 will be a banner year focusing on the things I can control and being disciplined about how I take action to achieve the end game. 

- Purpose is personal, it need not be public, but you need it

- There are plenty who will let you know the negative. While there may be value in informing continual introspection and opportunity for improvement I'm determined to keep my gaze forward focused, and surround myself with those that maintain and enhance positivity

- i'm not going to sacrifice those things that are important to me; my family, my health because without those, my end game and purpose are lacking

I wish everyone reading this a great 2019 and I hope you can play firmly into your purpose…