Hope - A Path Through the Pandemic

(this article was recently edited for better readability)

I remember being diagnosed with scarlet fever when I was young and our entire household was quarantined.

I remember feeling left out because I was too young to participate in neighborhood football, baseball, or basketball games.

I remember being bullied in elementary school.

I remember the Cuban Missile crisis and the threat of going to war with the Soviet Union.

I remember fallout shelter drills in elementary school about how to take cover during a nuclear attack.

I remember where I was when JFK was assassinated. To this day, the image of our mailman crying is still fresh in my memory.

I remember the day that I came home from school and learned that our pet dog had been put down. To this day, I remember losing every pet that I've ever had.

I remember the assassinations of Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy.

I remember dealing with debilitating shyness...something that I continue to battle to this day.

I remember growing up in an environment that seemed to value athleticism over any other attribute. I remember in my adolescence that my brain was seemingly out of sync with the rest of my body. The comments about me being "uncoordinated" still remain with me.

I remember the day that my brother went off to boot camp at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. I remember the day that he was sent to Fort Polk, Louisiana for advanced infantry training. I remember seeing him off to Vietnam. I remember the early morning call from a hospital in Japan informing us that he had been shot and "had shrapnel wounds all over the place".

I remember when our next door neighbor was killed in Vietnam.

I remember having to wear braces on my teeth until I was midway through high school.

I remember waiting in gas lines during the "70's'.

I remember that the interest rate on my first home mortgage was 12.5%

I remember the deaths of my grandparents; aunts; uncles; and cousins.

I remember the deaths of my parents.

I've been divorced.

I remember when the Challenger exploded after liftoff.

I remember the stock market crash of 1987 and the subsequent recessions since then.

I remember that my hard work, best intentions, and long hours never seemed to be good enough at some of the companies where I worked.

I remember 9/11.

I remember being devastated when I learned that the nature preserve behind the house where I lived would be cleared to build new homes.

Within 30 days in 2016, I learned that one of my best friend's died of mesothelioma; I found my wife's body pool side where she died of a heart attack; and I experienced my first Florida hurricane.

On Christmas Eve 2016, I had to put my cat down.

In May of 2017, I had to put down my 16 year old Shih Tzu.

Today, we are all fighting to survive the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic.

I consider myself a lucky man who has been blessed with a good life. I've never lost hope.

I have learned from the broadcast news and my network of contacts that many are struggling with fear and depression during this COVID-19 crisis. I am writing today to reach out to those who are worried or fearful to help you to find hope. Those of you who are younger and have had fewer life experiences, may be especially worried. It's okay; there is still hope whether you realize it or not. In no way do I mean to diminish the sorrow or suffering that so many have endured during this pandemic. It has been a tragic time....but there is always hope. Hope opens us up to better times and new possibilities.

I am certainly no expert. If you look at the tragedies; sorrow; and disappointments that I have experienced, I had many difficult days but I never gave up hope. Here is some of what I learned along the way:

1. "Society"; the media, and the very influential group known as "they" (e.g., "they say...) would have you believe that life is supposed to be happy all of the time. The inference is that if your life isn't happy you should be doing something differently. The fact is that we are not guaranteed a life without sorrow, hurt, and disappointment. Once you accept that, life gets a lot easier.
2. While no one wants to feel bad, it is okay when it happens as long as you keep it in perspective. Challenging or sad experiences actually help to shape us and prepare us for future challenges. Difficult life experiences can make you mentally and emotionally stronger. Don't deny sad feelings but also don't let bad experiences define you. Avoid feeling victimized by bad experiences. Understand that what you are feeling is normal but healing eventually requires moving forward.
3. Try to live in the moment. This is an exceptionally tough one for someone like me who is a planner by nature. Perhaps you have heard the expression that "life happens while you are making plans"? By living in the moment and taking one day at a time, the enormity of the challenge that you are facing is diminished. Additionally, living in the moment helps you to appreciate daily blessings that you may have missed otherwise.
4. You don't have to go it alone. Spiritually, I believe that I am never alone and, perhaps, that is why I always have hope. If you are inclined to pray, then do so. I find it to be a calming and nourishing experience.
5. Understand that you may go through emotions that range from sorrow to anger to fear and everything in between. It won't feel great during those times but never forget that you always have hope. I experienced some pretty down days in 2016 because life had not gone according to my plans and because my future was uncertain.. I actually tried to deny some of my emotions but found that I ultimately had to experience them anyway.
6. Seek the support of family and friends but understand that their advice may not always be the best. Sometimes you may need honest feedback that your social network doesn't recognize or isn't willing to provide. When I went through my difficulties in 2016, I sought out professional counseling. I didn't always hear what I wanted to hear but the guidance that I received helped me to transition to a new place in my life.
7. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel. Especially when it comes to grieving, there is no right or wrong way. Feel what you feel. The only catch is that you don't want to get stuck. As you can see from the experiences that I recounted above, grief; sorrow; and disappointment never really go away but they eventually find a perspective that allows us to move forward. Realizing this is liberating.
8. Finally, be aware of the role that your subconscious mind or "the little voice" plays in your life. As I understand it, among other functions, your subconscious mind is always looking for threats and trying to protect you. You would think that is good but sometimes you may perceive threats that aren't real. The problem is that the threat response of your subconscious mind will be to keep you in your comfort zone. It may be more difficult to move forward if you stay in your comfort zone. This was my life until I was counseled to this realization and challenged myself to be open to new experiences. I hated it...but I moved forward and never gave up hope.

In 2018, I married a woman who changed my life forever. I have experienced love in a way that I had always dreamed about but never really believed existed. We had an instant connection and I feel blessed to have found her. I have also found an inner peace that had eluded me my entire life. I know that none of this would have been possible had I given up on hope but I forced myself to live in the moment and leave myself open to new experiences.

If you are struggling during this pandemic or with another life experience. Hang in there. No matter how hopeless life may seem, there is still hope. Mentally, you may not be able to think through your problem like I suggested above. If that happens, just try to get through one day because when you do, you've won! Then try to get through the next day. Remember, take one day at a time. In especially difficult times, you just need to survive until the negative emotions begin to subside...and they will. When you do this, you will eventually see the rays of hope that are always around you. Sometimes you have to go through the bad times to get to the good times. Whether you call it hope or faith, once you have it you are on the path to move forward and experience happier times.

I hope this helps (pun intended). Stay safe and stay healthy. We will get through this!