Honouring the Present – Because What Else Can We Do
I’m reading Ray Dalio’s book Principles and came across this quote yesterday “Embrace reality and then deal with it.”. That really sums up the theme of my post today.
When this is over, we are never going to want to hear the terms “social distancing” or “new normal” again. And the word unprecedented will give us PTSD. The truth is: this sucks. And there are endless reasons why this sucks. Being home all day not able to hugs friends and family sucks. Knowing that people are dying sucks. Seeing images of overworked doctors and nurses in protective gear sucks. Knowing that there are kids who were safer at school but are now stuck at home sucks. Having to home school your kids while also trying to work from home sucks. Having to home school your kids after losing your job sucks. Having no job while home alone sucks. I could write this whole post about why this all sucks. But here’s the deal – it’s not going to suck forever. And it will suck a whole lot less if we can get to a place where we accept reality for what it is and do our best within it. If you are in survival mode for one reason or another then that is all you need to do – survive and please ask for help. There are people who can and want to help.
We all have a choice. We can choose to live in fear and resistance to our current set of circumstances or we can choose to accept where are we and dare I say it … try to thrive. I’ve seen two types of articles on] how to deal with this whole #stayhome business. This first says it’s totally ok to sit around and do nothing but eat and watch Netflix because this is a shared traumatic experience. The second says if you don’t learn a new skill or set new goals right now then you lack discipline and drive. Neither are wrong but neither are totally right. What’s more important is figuring out what’s going to keep you sane and ready to thrive when this is all over.
Everyone is working with a different set of circumstances. Here are some thoughts on how we can all stay present through this incredible time in history.
1. Acknowledge how you’re feeling when you’re feeling it. I consider myself lucky right now. But it doesn’t mean I’m not sad sometimes. When I feel sad, I let myself feel sad. If you feel anxious or overwhelmed, acknowledge those feelings, they will pass more quickly when we feel them in the moment.
2. If the pandemic ended tomorrow would you feel good about how you handled it? You have to live with your choice whether this is over tomorrow or 3 months from now. I’ve cleaned and organized my furnace room, storage room, spare room closet, linen closet and started a course on what I want to do next professionally. I have to keep moving forward right now even though I’m not working as much as I was or else I will fall into depression. That’s what works for me. You don’t have to be perfect. I’ve yelled at my kids more and put them in front of the TV more but they are still happy thriving kiddos and I’m not perfect.
3. Is there space for you set goals? Last year my husband and I started doing monthly and yearly goals together and just because we are at home now doesn’t mean it’s time to abandon our goals. Some goals might need to be adjusted but it’s still just as important to have them.
4. What’s holding you back? Are you feeling unmotivated to do anything but binge watch Netflix and eat all the snack food in your pantry? Do you need to put yourself on a schedule to keep moving throughout the day and reward yourself with Netflix at the end of the day? Fear of the unknown can paralyze us but remember that the future was just as unknown before all this started too.
If you read the above and thought that even the idea of thriving during a global pandemic is the most offensive thing you’ve ever heard - how about this: I can almost guarantee you will get through this. And when you do you are going to be stronger and more resilient than you ever thought you were.
We don’t have to like the current situation. But it will go by much faster and with less stress and trauma if we accept it for what it is and make the best of it or at the very least make it through to the other side stronger than we were before.