In honor of my mom

November 2, 2023 is my mom’s third birthday since her passing. Like many of you who have lost loved ones, I feel the weight of her loss like a stone on my chest every day. However, her birthday seems to be one of the hardest days for me personally every year. It was truly impossible to get my mom a birthday present she would like — shopping for her was a challenge.

I found a glimmer of hope when I gifted her an Hermes scarf one year when I was well into my Wall Street career. She seemed to love it and I caught her wearing it to a party. I got her more — only to discover them still in their boxes in her closet, largely unused, when she had already passed away.

See the thing about my mom is that she loved a little bit of luxury, but she mostly cared about people, and especially children. She dedicated her life, first as a grade school teacher, later as a full-time mother, and then finally as a reading specialist, helping the most troubled children in challenging neighborhoods overcome heartbreaking learning disabilities, domestic violence and unrest and even hunger.

She used to take me and my sisters shopping with her to Costco every weekend — she’d bulk up on animal crackers, pretzels, mini carrots, fruit, and school supplies on her own dime, which she would take to her classroom. She wanted her students to be able to learn with full bellies and that feeling of comfort and peace that comes without hunger. When my mom died, I went back to visit her grave. I found one of her former students at her tombstone. He looked at me with teary eyes and said she had changed his life. I swelled with pride and plenty of tears myself.

My mom valued education and I knew it. I learned to be a world-class reader from a young age, something that came naturally to me. Math. Science. Exploration. Everything was encouraged. She expected me and my sisters to accomplish things in life, although I was never sure if she regretted giving me bigger wings than roots: I flew from the nest for a new and exciting life in New York, and at times, I think a piece of her wanted me back home in Boston, living next door to her with her two grandsons, who became the lights of her life.

Beyond education, my mom raised three daughters to see themselves as unequivocally equal to any other human being on earth. She taught me to be tough, to pursue my ambitions even if they seemed far afield from the norm, and she always had my back.

Over months in grade school, a neighborhood boy would cut me off on line to get on the school bus in the mornings. He would often push me aside and jump in front of me, even when I’d been first on line and arrived 20 minutes early to secure my spot. I told my mom about it and she told me to walk right on ahead of him and to tell him to “bend over so he could kiss my a$$.” I did as directed and was called promptly to the principal’s office. When my mom arrived, I don’t know what she said to the school, but I was off the hook — and let me tell you — that kid never pushed me around again. Years later, at a friend’s wedding, he told me he had always had a crush on me. Go figure. He definitely learned that day that pushing girls around was no way to win over our hearts.

Even today, I get ready every morning with a picture my mom gave me years ago that hangs in my bathroom. It says, “Beautiful girl, you can do anything.” I knew she meant it. And I hope I will always make her proud. Some days I flounder. Other days I don’t. In the aggregate, the goal is always onwards and upwards. She loved to say, “hold your head high.”

For her birthday this year, my husband and I have set-up the Nancy Hindlian Foundation in honor of my mom. Charitable proceeds will go to causes that benefit women and children, the two things my mom held dear. It’s just one way we can keep her influence alive, even while she has departed us on earth.

Happy birthday mom. I miss you like crazy. Every. Single. Day. I hope you are proud of me. I hope you see how much love I give my boys. I hope you saw that Xander — all on his own — brought me animal crackers this weekend in honor of your birthday. Those boys will be raised to know that kindness matters just as much as having a backbone, as you would have wanted. I hope heaven is full of good books.