Honesty and Humor: Transform Feedback into Growth

Recently, I stepped onto a comedy stage for the first time, sharing a story full of family twists, DNA surprises, and a few laughs. Humor, it turns out, is a lot like feedback: it works best when it lands honestly and authentically. This experience reminded me of something a colleague once said: “Using pretty words to explain ugly truths is exhausting.” In both comedy and leadership, there’s a delicate balance between clarity and compassion—a balance that empathy helps us achieve.

In leadership, we often find ourselves caught between wanting to deliver the truth and wanting to keep the peace. It’s easy to cushion difficult messages, but when we over-polish our words, the true message can get lost. I’ve seen this play out countless times, where the intention behind feedback becomes clouded, leaving everyone involved more frustrated than before. That’s where empathy comes in—it bridges the gap, allowing us to understand people well enough to deliver honest feedback in a way that still honors the recipient’s dignity.

Introducing Backfeeding: Taking Ownership of Your Growth

Years ago, I developed an approach called “backfeeding.” It flips the typical feedback process on its head by having the recipient actively seek feedback from others. The practice of backfeeding involves four key steps:

1. Celebrate Wins: Start by acknowledging areas where you excel. This establishes a positive foundation for feedback and helps you receive constructive comments more openly.

2. Be Transparent About Challenges: Share where you’re struggling. By identifying your own challenges, you show readiness to grow without defensiveness.

3. Seek Advice, Not Critique: Frame feedback as an opportunity for guidance. Phrasing it as, “What’s one thing I could improve?” invites specific, constructive input that’s easier to act on.

4. Reflect and Adjust: Try out these insights and see how they affect your growth. Over time, you’ll identify which feedback resonates most and can refine the process accordingly.

The goal of backfeeding is to turn feedback into a collaborative conversation, creating a growth loop where we’re not just passively receiving criticism but actively shaping our own development.

Humor and Empathy: A Powerful Pair

Comedy has an immediate feedback loop—you know when something lands by the sound of laughter (or silence!). Leadership, on the other hand, isn’t always so immediate, but the principle remains the same. Are your people having fun or are they biting their proverbial tongues and merely existing? Over time, a leader will have a demonstrative body of work that validates their skills at people development.?

Two of my leadership values are empathy and humor. Standing on stage for my comedy debut, I realized humor and empathy share a surprising amount in common. Both require us to be open, authentic, and willing to take risks. One lesson that stands out from this experience is that empathy-driven feedback isn’t about softening the truth; it’s about delivering it in a way that’s clear, purposeful, and respectful. As leaders, our role is to facilitate growth, even when the message is tough. By being honest, empathetic, and open to feedback, we can create environments where people feel supported.

Moving Forward: Embracing Authenticity in Leadership

Leadership, like comedy, requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to share truths, and to invite others to connect with us. It’s about moving beyond “pretty words” to create spaces where people can grow through honest and empathetic feedback. As we continue to lead, let’s keep empathy at the core of our conversations, using feedback as a tool for growth rather than a critique.

In an age where genuine connections can sometimes feel rare, leading with empathy and authenticity isn’t just a choice—it’s a necessity.

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