Honest writing; why you love emotional honesty and why I hate it

I am a couple of years in — writing on this and other platforms and I have learned a few things. I have, like so many other areas of my life, not been consistent. I write a lot, but have fallen far short of anything I would consider consistent. I enjoy the process. And I hate the work of it. I find my mind moves far faster than I can type and there are a lot of missing elements that I have to go back, rethink, revise. I like the creative process, but I hate the actual work of it.?

The material that I have created that you have engaged with the most has been common relatable things. Maybe that should have been no surprise. I look at the world differently than many people and I find a lot of things odd. But my observations about traffic or dropping someone off at the airport are common to the modern experience and are, in every way, unremarkable.

But those notes I drop with very little academic rigor also feature something else that I am forced to acknowledge gets people engaged and responsive. They are emotional and raw and in some meaningful ways, they reveal the real me.

I hate that.

“Tell the truth”

Ernest Hemingway first wrote that in his introduction to Men at War: A writer's job is to tell the truth. His standard of fidelity to the truth should be so high that his invention, out of his experience, should produce a truer account than anything factual can be.

I am not so much of a Hemingway fan but I know he was right and that is really annoying.

To tell the truth is to be vulnerable. To reveal myself in a way that risks rejection. If you reject me on some superficial basis I guess that does not bother me that much. But to reject my ideas? The way I think? Wow. That hurts.

To put it out there is not done in our society anymore. People have a shocking level of keyboard courage not present in in-person interactions. People don’t seek to understand the nuance of what you are trying to say nor do they have a great deal of tolerance for ideas that are ‘against the grain’.?

There is a great deal I would like to say about the wrongness of conventional thinking and maybe I will save that for another post. I will just say that my heroes were always those who stood up for what is right even when everyone stood against them. Our society could use some more people standing against the tide of conventional thinking but maybe that is self-serving.?

My boys all read Dietrich Bonhoeffer and he is a model for what I am talking about. John Newton wrote Amazing Grace and spent his life working to eliminate slavery after starting life as a slave trader. God revealed himself to him and in his conviction he stood against everyone in his society. Most of my heroes were not appreciated in their time. They were, at a minimum, controversial in their time. In retrospect they are appreciated. Little comfort to them I suppose.

As I have been reflecting on my lack of willingness to be truly transparent with you I am forced to consider that I don’t really want to confront all of the things I dislike about myself. Confronting my true self is uncomfortable and in many ways I have not become the person I had hoped I would be. I often see the best in everyone else but in myself, I see the flaws first.

To willingly risk rejection I have to purposefully not care. Not care about what our society values, not care about conventional wisdom, not care about what people might say.

Many of you that know me may think I already have a careless disregard for such things and you are not entirely wrong.?

But I will work to be more willfully uncaring about what others think and maybe then I can reveal myself more transparently. I will be more revealing and honest.?

I will risk that you might not care.

I am told people don’t read long posts anymore. You have all had your attention stolen by TikTok videos and Instagram reels. To have my posts ignored entirely will be both the most comforting thing ever and the worst of insults.?

I do love contradictions.