The Honest Reason Self-Discovery, Not Self-Help, Works When You Feel Stuck

Ever ask for advice but when you hear it, it just falls flat on the ground? Do you sometimes read books or articles from experts and scratch your head on how to apply it? They want me to do what?

There’s a good reason for that.

I know it’s tempting to seek out the one thing you could be doing in your career, finances, life or relationships that will solve all your problems. What’s the solution? What’s the “right” answer? What’s the secret you don’t know?

But all that advice and how-to you receive in life is missing something – it’s missing the intrinsic learning that you gain when you experience things first-hand. This is self-discovery learning where you are asking the tough questions of yourself, not others.

When clients first approach me as their Career Coach, they feel paralyzed in their career and choices faced. Ironically, they’ve already tried self-help books, webinars, courses, how-to’s online and more for those ready-bake solutions. They’ve asked all their friends, mentors and loved ones what they think. They’ve probably received unwanted advice too like the kind that begins with, “What you should do is…”

It’s so frustrating! Time and again, that advice just doesn’t help you move forward like when you’re considering a life-changing leap. Myself, I’ve made many leaps like moving to Canada, leaving my former six-figure job and start a new business as a solopreneur. What supported me at these transitions was self-discovery not advice.

Self-discovery on the other hand allows you to better understand yourself by increasing your awareness on a particular topic.

No one can get inside your mind and sort through what you think, what you believe, what you fear and what you assume (good or bad) to be true, but you.

Rather than receiving advice to get unstuck, self-discovery helps you learn what’s essential for you. It’s part courage, part vulnerability, like the stuff Brené Brown talks about, and part tough questions.

There’s no single resource that could have helped me make those brave leaps. I developed my personal values to guide me, I was challenged by my career coach, and I made a commitment to make decisions for myself and my family that I could be at peace with.

Here’s five ways to prepare for self-discovery thinking.

• Clear your mind of distractions – Sit in a creative place or quiet setting. Change your vantage point to help change your perspective.
• Mix it up – If writing, grab a different coloured pen, pencil or marker. Work with a new writing utensil to disrupt your patterns of thinking. When you use a marker, you’ll tend to use less words and simply your thoughts.
• Be honest with yourself – No need to encrypt the truth! When you’re doing self-discovery thinking, it really is about you and for you!
• Trust your instincts – Don’t over-think. Express yourself in the most natural way possible. Listen to signals, words and images that may jump into your mind.
• Let go of judgment – There are no right or wrong answers here, only learning. Resist the urge to say the “right” thing or sound impressive.

To practice self-discovery, you need to spend some time with yourself. What works for many in the beginning is journaling, voice or video recording your thoughts, drawing, taking photography or meditation to strengthen your self-awareness.

Capture your thoughts and learn to be your own sounding board. It's life-changing.

What’s possible if you begin looking inward to move forward?

-- This post originally appeared on September 22, 2015 on Empress Avenue. --

Email [email protected] if you would like a PDF copy of this blog post or to discuss your career questions confidentially and privately.

Curious to see how self-discovery can help you get unstuck?

If you liked this post, you’ll love the 20 self-discovery strategies and exercises in my book, “Finding Passion: A Self-Discovery Approach for Navigating Career Crossroads” to help you ask the tough questions you’ve been avoiding and rediscover what you really want in your career. Available on Amazon.

? 2015 Managing Mindspaces. All rights reserved.

Jessica Manca, CEC, ACC is a Certified Executive Coach at Managing Mindspaces, specializing in professionals craving a career change. Jessica is the author of "Finding Passion: A Self-Discovery Approach for Navigating Career Crossroads" (2013), asking readers the questions they don't know how to ask themselves in their career. Learn more at managingmindspaces.com or FOLLOW her here by clicking the blue FOLLOW button, on Twitter @mgingmindspaces, on Facebook, facebook.com/ManagingMindspaces.