The Honest Exit Interview
Geoff Woliner, CPCM ????
Author, "The Path to Perfectia" series ?? / Founding Member, Octopus Movement ?? / Editor-In-Chief, The Daily Stuffing ??
"Sandra, I'm so glad you made time to meet with me today. This won't take very long - we just want your thoughts about the organization and what you think we can improve upon."
"I certainly hope this won't take very long. I have a treasure trove of potential lead and client info to download before I leave this dump."
"Wonderful. Now, let's start at the top. What are your thoughts about the culture that senior management instills?"
"I have to say, from the day I walked through this door, I immediately felt the warmth of a hot, stuffy panic room run by the guy from 'Saw'. The enviroment of fear that you've cultivated is enough to make Kim Jong Un blush, and your elaborate network of spies is the stuff that Hollywood writers need six or seven glasses of scotch to arrive at."
"That's great. Now tell me about your department. What kind of manager was Janine? Did she inspire you?"
"She absolutely inspired me! To double my daily intake of Xanax. It wasn't so much that she was a micro-manager who meant well, it was that she was a micro-manager who could be an academic case study for sadism."
"Thank you for that. As for the resources, do you believe that you had everything you needed to do your job well?"
''Certainly. When making 80 cold calls a day, all you really need is a phone, a computer, and an open office environment where you hear people shouting about yesterday's game, their new shoes and their brother-in-law's latest DUI."
"Great, how about our vision? Did it resonate with you?"
"Well, since this place has no vision, and I frankly don't even really know what we do here, I'll just say yes. I've spent the last four years humoring you in a rather naked and transparent attempt to curry favor and keep my job, so why ruin a good thing?"
"Thank you. You've been a valued asset and I promise to take all your notes to senior leadership."
"By taking notes to senior leadership, you mean immediately deleting them while you find creative ways to screw me out of the vacation time I'm cashing out?"
"Bingo."
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Geoff Woliner is a speaker, comedian, and author of, “Get Bitter to Get Better: How to reclaim your confidence, prove your villains wrong and win the big moments in life."
As the founder and CEO of Winning Wit, LLC, Geoff and his team of award-winning comedians help people deliver dynamic speeches and presentations through the application of stand-up comedy techniques, and have been featured on WTOP Radio and in several event publications as the leaders in humorous event speechwriting and coaching.
Twitter: @WinningWit
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/WinningWit
What a great post, hilarious and sooo true. Thanks for the laugh.
Marketing Manager | LinkedIn Local NOVA Co-Founder | Writer
5 年This is awesome! I laughed so hard --- what great writing!!!?
It's YOUR data, YOU should get paid for it.
5 年Wow!? That was hilarious.? Great meeting you at the Linked In Local event last night!
Compliance Professional
5 年Excellent post. You say what many only think. :)
Meeting Planner dedicated to helping clients achieve their goals and deliver strategic objectives while driving business value.
5 年??