Honest Conversations at Work

By Jannie Stricker, MSc , Carmel Millar, MSc, MA, MCIPD Steve Thomas MSc MAPPCP, Practitioner (EMCC)

Honesty at work can be so much more than not hiding something from your boss, or not lying to a client. What about honesty in our conversations? During our most recent call, we found that ‘total honesty’ needs certain conditions and may not be so easy to come by in certain circumstances.?

The concept of honest conversations in the context of workplace human relationships is more about thinking one thing and doing, or not doing, another. It is also a 'knowing' that there is something you need to do, however, fear, resentment or anger get in the way. As a?result, we can convince ourselves that either:

(a) "It's better to smile and stay in denial"?or

(b)?"Over-react and risk getting sacked"

Either way, these polarising responses impact negatively on work relationships where ignoring each other and retreating into fearful isolation can become the norm (Showkeir, 2009). Honest conversations lie somewhere in the calmer, more open-minded place between the two.

So, what is the foundation for honest conversations in the workplace? One concept that came to mind is psychological safety, meaning that someone feels safe enough to speak up, no matter whether they have a new idea, a concern, they doubt something is the correct way to do things, or if a mistake has been made. Having psychological safety means no one feels they will be punished for telling their truth (Edmonson, 2018). This is also closely linked to the concept of trust because we need to trust that our ideas will be appreciated and will not be punished if we come up with one that could be seen as ‘out of the box’ or ‘wrong’ – so trust and psychological safety go hand in hand.?

We also need to listen! Listening is a two-way gift. When we listen, we learn. If we apply full attention to the person who comes to us with a concern and we listen fully, we can help create the element of trust already mentioned. If we listen carefully, with curiosity and ask questions, we become wiser, which might help us with decision-making and so forth. Another benefit here might be that we can stop the blame game as we now understand what is going on. The ripple effect is that we become better leaders, and we build stronger relationships with people in our team or in the organisation. We include people, they feel valued, and motivation and engagement increase.

The caveat is that an honest conversation needs to be fruitful as well. Honesty is not always fruitful, especially if it includes blame. Therefore, thinking about how you are honest is key. Thinking about what you want to achieve by being honest is a good start. Think twice if you in the name of honesty will judge, blame and show disrespect.

The 'how' of carrying out an honest conversation is just as important as the 'what'. The aim of the words we use and the mindset we are in can actively defuse and calm, or make matters worse.? When we choose curiosity and open-mindedness over finger-pointing and blame, it invites the other person to be open too. We can simply set the intention to have a collegial conversation, one to one, leaving hierarchy 'outside the door'. This lays the groundwork for openness and honesty to flourish.

In the same way that good, open, two-way dialogues can be restorative for people and teams, avoiding them, can be detrimental. What is the result if we are not having these honest conversations at work (or at home)? We believe the impact may be a culture of mistrust, blame and negativity. However, we can right-size our intentions as regards these conversations. They are only 'difficult' if that's the narrative we allow to play in our heads. When all is said and done, they are 'just a conversation'. ?

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Call to action/ reflections:

• How will you behave so you foster psychological safety at work (and at home)?
• Do you believe in honest conversations at work? Why/why not?
• What are the benefits/challenges of an honest conversation for you?
• What is getting in the way of you having an honest conversation?

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References

Edmondson, A. C. (2018).?The fearless organization. John Wiley & Sons.

Showkeir, J. D. (2009). Authentic Conversations: Moving from Manipulating to Truth and Commitment. ReadHowYouWant. com.