Homework help (for parents)

‘Get your homework done!’ ‘No, not later! Now!’ 

Homework is often a source of frustration and arguments for families. It’s no wonder some parents take issue with their child receiving homework or hate its very mention. 

Is it even necessary? The research is a little divided about the academic benefits of homework, but I believe that if you send your child to a school that gives homework, then you sign up for your child to do it. 

Possibly the greatest benefit in students doing regular homework is in the development of self-regulation – their ability to ignore their immediate desires (lying around playing computer games) and prioritise their long term goals (doing well in the assignment, or not getting in trouble at school). It even has some benefits in your child learning that if they don’t do what is required of them, they will get some sort of consequence. 

But how do you get your child to do it, without you all going crazy?

Early Primary - Try to stick to a schedule. 

In these years, you are typically highly involved because you have to listen to them read, or hear their spelling words. Because of this, homework needs to be organised around your timetable. 

As often as you can, try to make this part of a routine. Have them read to you before bed, hear their spelling words after dinner. You want them to start thinking of homework as a regular part of their day. If possible, try to have something nice following it, such as you reading to them after they have practiced their reading.

Middle primary – Routines over reminders.

When they don’t need your presence to complete their work, then you need to set up a way for them to remember without your gentle reminders or outright nagging. The light at the end of the tunnel system, where they do something they don’t necessarily want to do to get to do something much more enjoyable, is very effective. 

Set this up with simple rules such as ‘No TV or Lego time until you have done your homework’. In this you are developing their motivation to do tasks rather than them relying on your impetus or scolding.  Monitor this in the early days, particularly by having them let you know that they have done it, and then asking you if they can turn on TV or go outside and play.

High school – It’s their sole responsibility. 

Ideally, toward the end of primary - and definitely by high school - you should not be managing their homework completion. That is, they take full responsibility for doing their homework without any reminder or follow up from you. 

You can rest easy that if they don’t get their work done they will get a school consequence such as needing to stay in class at lunchtime or a detention. A consequence such as this will be a million times more effective than your nagging or crankiness. 

Will they get picked up every time? Probably not. But they will get nabbed every now and then, and that consequence will usually be effective at kick-starting their motivation.

In all stages remember that you are still showing interest in their schoolwork and helping them when they request your assistance. But remember you have to be careful to never be more interested in their school tasks than they are. This will ensure they feel they are ultimately doing it for themselves, and not just for you.

Without a doubt, the main benefits of adopting the above techniques, is that not only do you ensure they do their homework, but you also encourage your child’s independence in managing their daily responsibilities. This discipline will have huge benefits in their future. 

And the increased family harmony that comes with it all? A priceless bonus.

Takeaway for parents.

·       Try not to always automatically offer to help them with their homework or you risk suggesting they can’t do it without you. Even if they have a learning difficulty, have them ask you for help when they need it, rather than becoming overly reliant on your constant presence.

·       Research tells us that if you are not good at a subject avoid helping them in it. You are likely to make them do worse. 

·       Coaching is better than doing. Try not to offer so much help that you are doing most of the work, and avoid editing every part of their assignments or you risk making it reflective of your skills more than theirs. 

·       As an ex-teacher, here’s an inside tip. Teachers know when parents have done most of the assignment – because the parent is very offended when their work only nets them a B minus!

? Judith Locke

This column appeared in the Sunday Mail on 31.3.19. Subscribe to the Courier Mail or Daily Telegraph to get access to my column every week. Find more sensible parenting advice in my book, The Bonsai Child: Why modern parenting limits children and practical strategies to turn it around    or have me come to your school to talk to parents and teachers about enhancing child resilience and wellbeing. Contact me here.