Homesick? You are not alone.

Home

We all have a place we call home, a town where you grew up, where you went to school, learnt many life skills, made mistakes, created memories and forged great relationships. For me, that was Essex, England. It was in the north of the county in a small government house with my Mother and three siblings.

Life was simple in the 1980’s as a kid. My mother always seemed to make ends meet and stretched a pound note like no-one I have ever known. Our house was always open and visitors would be welcomed and be fed on arrival, often with little notice – it felt at times it was the center of the street. It was a happy childhood full of great memories, a lot of appreciation with little drama or fuss.

Raising four children on her own, my mother understandably made us toe a hard line, but she did this within set boundaries to test us but allow us enough freedom to make the odd mistake. She had two rules in our house “be home before dark and don’t bring the police to my door”. The thought of being at the receiving end of my mother after “showing her up” ensured I managed to survive childhood without breaching either rule – or at the very least get caught! - my two brothers were not so lucky!

I remember the endless summers, leaving home at eight in the morning with nothing but the clothes on my back and a push bike - no money, no food, only to return when you were hungry enough, heading home just before dark at 10pm. I don’t remember how we survived those days, with little injury or danger whilst out and about for hours on end.

When you are a child you have the time to discover the environment around you at what seems like an endless pace, with so much to learn, so much time, and so much of your life ahead of you it’s a far cry from the days of your adult life where life is fast paced and the world is a lot smaller and assessable.

I moved my family to Australia in 2005 where my two children and I have resided ever since. According to Google Earth, I live 16,931 kilometers (10,520 miles) from my childhood home in Essex, and whilst living on the other side of the planet was a bold move, getting home has always been achievable and a joy.

On a visit to Blighty a few years back, a cousin asked me, “what’s so great about Australia?”. Not happy with my answer which was quite extensive, he then asked me “Name one thing that’s great about England” – I quipped in return “the departures lounge at Heathrow”.

I do love England and have an overwhelming love and admiration for my old home and country with its vast history and diverse culture. I have visited more places there in the past 15 years than when I lived there previously. The beautiful coloured villages with thatched roofs around my home, the vast expanse of Victorian transportation with bridges by Brunel, the remnants of the Roman Empire in my birth town of Colchester, walking around the National Portrait Gallery, Borough Market or the wonderful Pub culture with their array of room temperature ales. All these things I took for granted when I lived there, and I seek when I return with a far greater appreciation. Nothing is taken for granted anymore and it takes moving away from a place to really put this into perspective, but, this is balanced with knowing that at the end of my holiday, I will head to my current home in Australia. There is nothing in the world quite like the feeling you get when you fly in early in the morning over Sydney Harbour on QF2 with the sunrise over the Pacific Ocean glistening on Port Jackson silhouetting the boats, foreshore, Opera House and Harbour Bridge – I still get goosebumps every time.

The World has got a whole lot bigger.

I was lucky enough to travel back home in Easter 2019 for my mother’s 70th birthday and my daughter’s 18th birthday. My daughter had been living in England for six months following the completion of high school and hopefully learning to appreciate the England that I love. How different it all is now. 2019 seems like a world away and going home now is completely unachievable. As human beings we do not like being told “No” or “You can’t”, and that’s what we have been subjected to over the past 18 months. Whilst most of us accept this for the better good at managing this pandemic, the limitations of just getting on a plane and heading overseas is taking its toll. I have never felt so homesick, I have never felt so isolated, I have never felt so anxious and I have never missed my family so much – but I am not alone!

We have all adjusted to Change.

My household here in Sydney was quite a disruptive place last year with three teenage children and partner working from home. I spent most of my time at the office as I could get there without the use of public transport and it was a far better place for me to work.

In the early days of Covid, the number of people physically working in the office was sparse and as the weeks passed, you got to know people more. The conversations at the water cooler, in the kitchen, at lunch or on the morning coffee run often resulted in shared stories that resonated.

I began to realise that a majority of people who had chosen to come back into the office had similar stories, living in a noisy or shared houses, or on their own. Many were from overseas, often alone and like me, choosing to come to work to manage their mental health or interact with people.

As this pandemic enters its second year, the importance of looking after your mental health and the mental health of colleagues has never been so great. Before the pandemic, according to government statistics around 1 in 2 Australians would experience some kind of mental health episode in their lifetime, however, the rules have changed. In the past 18 months, it is likely that nearly every adult has experienced some level of mental health episode, from mild stress to acute anxiety or depression. Luckily, most of us have probably been somewhere at the lower end, but nevertheless, it’s not normal times.

Anxiety caused by the ongoing restrictions is setting in, but for those who cannot travel home, either overseas or interstate – this runs deep. When will you be able to get home? Journey from the Airport along familiar roads to the place you feel safe, when you can taste comfort food from times past, smell the air, appreciate the flora and fauna you know so well, laugh with family………hug your Mum.

One of my top ten films is a feel-good movie, one that I have put on in the down-times and the good-times. It’s a pick-me-up, a story of hope, a story of home and if you are familiar with the opening and closing credits of 2003’s Love Actually, you may understand why, right now, I have never wanted to be anywhere more in the world than the arrivals hall at Heathrow – with my Mother there to greet me.

What Can I do?

Australia is a country of migrants. 50% were either not born here or have at least one parent born overseas. As so many of us have loved ones elsewhere, during this pandemic, I have gone the extra mile to explore people’s stories, often similar to mine, with similar emotions and anxiety. To show someone is listening, someone understands, someone cares is all we need at times as human beings to navigate through the tough times. Whilst we are all in this together, our stories are very different and mine is nowhere near the worst. The UK is a compliant and functioning country with a stable government that has managed the pandemic relatively well within a global context. Other people may not be so lucky, their countries are in disarray, unorganised, often corrupt or have baseline level of political instability. The vulnerability and security of their families is likely to have an impact on the level of stress and anxiety generated from these uncertainties of home.

I ask you to explore more, have more one-on-one conversations at work and consider;

• always asking “How are you?” - explore each other’s stories as simple conversations can pick you up, let you know you’re not alone, knowing someone cares or is in a similar boat as this goes a long way.
• using your webcam as much as possible to connect – professional conversations a far more trusting when we see each other
• checking in to see how co-workers are dealing with are balancing personal needs such a diet, exercise and mental health.
• go for walking meetings. Its easier to share a difficult story when you are walking side by side.
• show empathy, and be prepared to be vulnerable, after all, no-ones journey has been perfect!

For looking after your self

• Eat well – Your diet goes a long way into how you feel and how motivated you can be.
• Drink less – Alcohol is ok in moderation, but it is a depressant and amplifies your emotions. When you are stressed, the highs are followed by an almighty crash and this does get worse with age, know your body, recognise the warning signs and keep within moderation.
• Get some exercise – Parklife! With exercise, whatever you love, walking, swimming, running, the Gym (lockdown permitting) make sure you get enough of it and keep reminding yourself how great you feel when you do it. Exercise is the fuel in your car, the air to your lungs and the down time for your brain
• Allow your brain to rest – in times of stress it’s really important to let your brain rest and recover.?Meditation isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and other ?activities such as tinkering with an engine, doing some DIY or playing an instrument can have the same effect.
• Look after yourself, look good, feel good – Get dressed and put on shoes if you are working from home.

For home sickness

• Make regular time to connect with family, on the phone one on one is good (my mother seems to speak different on an iPad for some reason – like she’s at a job interview) and by video with a group when appropriate.
• Listen to the music if you haven’t listened to for ages.
• Share stories about your upbringing or home with your children, family or friends
• Stick on a great movie. One that takes you to a place or a point in time!
• Read good books, re-read a great book, for me, recently it was Bill Bryson’s Notes from a small island - that took me home again.

Hope

This pandemic has caused the biggest upheaval in living memory, however, it does not eclipse the colossal loss of life during World War Two and the subsequent PTSD, trauma and financial loss that lasted decades thereafter.

We vary rarely rely on hope in our professional world. We plan, we build goals, we measure, we are in control. One thing we can take from the past is the value of hope to see you through.

If history is true to itself, like the Spanish flu of 1918, this pandemic will naturally start to die out in around 2023 and life will return to some sense of normality as vaccine roll outs progress.

We must not lose sight of hope as a human race. Like the fallout from World War Two, hope will get us through to that day in the not to distance future, the hope to be in a familiar place, the hope be in a place you feel safe, the hope to hug the ones you love.

When this all begins to die down, in countries like Australia and New Zealand where around 30% of staff are from overseas, employers must be prepared for applications of long service leave, leave without pay or sabbaticals. This is also at a time where migration into Australia and New Zealand is near zero and due to the reluctance to live far from loved ones, not likely to raise to 2019 levels for at least a decade to come.

Ex-pats are 'returning home' in record numbers across the globe, with migration out of Australia and New Zealand exceeding immigration. We need to be agile, dynamic and prepared for these uncertain times ahead, but most of all, we need to listen and look out for the health and wellbeing of what we have.

Remember I shared the story about where I grew up, well, two weeks ago my Mum told me she was selling up! When I finished the telephone call, it suddenly dawned on me - I would never go back to my childhood home again – it’s what sparked this story. The gap between my life now and my life back home got bigger, but I have hope. The memories remain and I know not long from now, I will be standing in the arrival’s hall at Heathrow, just like the credits of a much-loved film, giving my Mum a massive hug.

I am not alone.

You are not either…..as long as we all keep talking.

If this story has raised any issues or concerns you can seek help at the following

Australia – Dept of Health

New Zealand - Ministry of Health

UK - NHS Mental Health Charities

And for further tips on living in lockdown

black dog institute.org.au

lifeline.org.au

And don’t forget your place of work where you can contact your line manager, First Aider, HR or H&S representative