HOMEMADE PEPPER SPRAY. NOT.

"If you try to make a shrimp boil but the bag of spices bursts and you just toss it all in along with whatever spices you can find in the pantry, you can make homemade pepper spray. Unintentionally. And everyone at your dinner party will run outside for the next hour, coughing and tearing up as if they've been Maced. Because technically they kind of have been. Because Mace was one of the spices I found in the pantry. I blame whoever makes spice out of Mace, and I reminded my gasping dinner guests that even if I did Mace them, I did it in an old-fashioned, homemade, Martha Stewart sort of way. With love." Reprinted from "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" by Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess. If you love twisted humour, Get. This. Book.