Homeless and hopeless and the road back

I wonder if you are willing to help in the fight against suicide? You see, you don't have to be a counsellor or therapist or mental health expert to make a difference. Just a decent human being really.

Today marks the anniversary of my becoming homeless and I note the date each year, not for sympathy or any such maudlin reason, but simply to celebrate progress. It is a time where I was hopeless, worthless, a burden to others and ready to take my own life.

Thankfully I never slept on the street. A patchwork combination of a sofa here, a spare bed there, a caravan on someone's drive even - just me, my dog and my laptop - and thankfully an amazing bunch of folks who were truly my "social scaffold" and propped me up until I could sort myself out.

The 'former matrimonial home' had been sold and funds blocked by 'the other party' leaving me in a desperate situation and in a very bad place. The domestic abuse, psychological torture and absolute desperation took me to a secluded spot where I had planned to end it all. Rock bottom is a dark, dank, lonely place - I know because I had a bloody good look around.

Today one of my friends has commented on my memory 'If I'm honest, there were times I wondered if you'd have a future, whether you'd make it' - and she's not on her own - I wondered that too!

But I'm here. I'm planning my next house move and it's all do-able. It really is.

But to get that social scaffold that kept me afloat you have to be able to talk about it; you have to be able to ask for help; it has to be OK to not be OK. Social scaffold can come in lots of different shapes and sizes and it does not have to be an expert in this arena at all.

That is why I tell my story, warts and all. 

I want to use my past to help others have a better future. For two reasons.

Firstly so that if that's YOU right now, keep moving forward. Just one tiny step forward. Or rest awhile where you are and then head up, go again. It really is do-able. Promise.

Secondly because as a society we have to normalise conversations about mental health and suicide ideation or people won't all make it through. Nobody is immune. Not me, not you, not that person stood next to you - we all have challenges, curved balls and moments of self doubt and at the moment in the UK we have a perfect storm for poor mental health.

But you can make a difference.

You don't have to be a counsellor or therapist.

Decent human beings make a life-saving difference and as a leader in your field, you can too.

The future looks very uncertain and the media is reporting recession, redundancy, financial difficulties on top of what we know is likely to be an overwhelming need for support in mental health - from a service that is under-funded, over-worked and was already dysfunctional BEFORE the pandemic brought about the 20% increase.

Will you help me get the message out there and shatter the silence please? It matters.