Home Is Where the Mama Is: Navigating Emotions Around a New Chapter in Divorce

20+ years ago when my life blew apart...I mean seriously apart...every aspect that could break apart, did. And I was left devasted, heartbroken, totally overwhelmed and staring down a divorce.

I was even forced to move home with my parents with a small child in tow to lick my wounds, regroup and figure out next steps (though admittedly it was hard to see any steps ahead at the time).

Even when I began tiptoeing out of this abyss of pain and suffering, I felt like I was standing on wobbly legs. But what motivated me more than anything was my son.

Was this the life I wanted to provide for him?

Did I want him to see me crumbled in the corner in a pile of tears forever?

Was I going to succumb to victimhood and berating his father for the rest of my life?

Or was I going to get on with the LIFE-ing part?

You guessed it. I chose the latter.

I will forever remember the day I was visiting a friend in the mountains of upstate New York one weekend when we discovered that a house just up the street from her was for sale.

It was February — cold, bleak, grey and uninspiring, and still...

We grabbed our coats, ran up the road and started peeking into the window of the sweet little house that had been sitting dormant. Suddenly something stirred within me — a combination of both terror and exhilaration. [P.S. That’s when you know you are onto something!]

I could see us here.

I could see a new chapter and a new life emerging.

After touring the house with a realtor the next day and immediately making an offer I could barely afford on a wing and a prayer — I made a pact with the house.

House, I’m going to fill you with love and life and kids and dinner parties and noise and muddy soccer cleats, a dog and friends...but you’ve got to do your part. Hang tight. I can’t afford any home repairs...so, no problems with appliances, roofs or furnaces. Besides, I’m moving here from an apartment and I don’t even know what a furnace is all about. I’ve got a lot to learn. Do we have a deal?

She agreed and I signed on the dotted line.

Why am I telling you this? Well, for a few reasons.

First off, [woo woo alert] I believe that a house has a soul. When we connect in gratitude for all that we have, all that we are capable of creating and for all that our house provides us with — we move through life differently. I regularly thank my house as I walk through her rooms.

Thank you, dishwasher.

Thank you, beautiful old windows letting sunshine cascade in.

Thank you cozy, cute rooms.

Oh the stories she could probably tell of all who lived within her walls — the joy, the sorrow, the loving, the celebrations and everything in between.

Recently, a few mamas in our coaching community have shared the emotional waves that accompany leaving homes and beginning again. Even when we want out of our marriages, and even if we are excited about new chapters and new beginnings — there is something that stops you in your tracks when you walk through the home you are leaving for the very last time.?

It's an ending.

The walls hold our memories. Maybe you brought babies home from the hospital in that house. Maybe your kids grew up there. Maybe there was laughter, sorrow, joy and loss. It’s like flipping through the pages of a photo album.

The heart pangs because it mattered and all the life that unfolded there mattered too.

But as much as you love your house...it is only the physical container for you. You are the home. You created the memories and will create more (dare I say, even better ones without all the drama of an unhealthy marriage).?

As you walk through the empty house for the final time, maneuvering between moving boxes — thank your house. And then imagine it being filled with another happy family who will care for this house, love it and live out their own story.

Your story isn’t over, mama. It’s just beginning and with a fresh coat of paint everything feels renewed.

You are not defined by your divorce or your house or anything other than how you choose to show up and navigate it all. To feel is to be alive.

And as I always say, two truths can co-exist; you can feel emotional about leaving and excited about recreating.

Honor what you are feeling, what comes up and acknowledge what matters...then turn off the lights and close the door behind you.

A new chapter begins today.

It’s not dependent upon the brick and mortar — that’s just the physical container. It’s dependent upon you, mama. What do you want to bring to your new home and your new chapter — and equally important, what do you want to leave behind??

Envision a scenario... envision what it feels like to be in a space where you can exhale and be an unedited version of yourself. Are you dancing in the kitchen being silly with your kids? Are you cuddled in bed reading books and drinking hot chocolate on a Saturday morning? Are you hosting a holiday party? Is your house filled with joy?

Go ahead, explore what it looks and feels like. Then lean into whatever it takes to move towards that vision of what life can be. And remember, you are worthy of that story.

Yes, divorce is hard. It’s an ending, but it’s also a beginning and an opportunity to live life on your terms. There’s so much precious memory-making ahead...so get living.

Home is where the heart is...and that’s you mama.

If you're a career-oriented mother facing off with divorce — struggling with your emotions, worried about your kids, your finances and your future — book a free Divorce Strategy Session and we'll show you a better way through it, saving you time, money and a LOT of heartache

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