this is home, truly

It's my birth home Singapore's birthday weekend, which got me thinking: What makes a home?

As you may know, I've been struggling with falling into the workaholic cycle for years. In April earlier this year, I flew to Bali for my good friend's wedding, and stopped by Canggu for a few days to chill. I met a friend, Bella, whom I've only met briefly before at events and on social media, and she brought me to a dance class - the one class that changed my life. In that moment, I felt so deeply connected to my body. The space and the music compelled me to simply move in the moment.

That night, I planned to send myself to a 1 month personal retreat in Bali. I lamented (to my journal) about how Singapore feels suffocating and over-competitive. The hustle culture makes me want to hustle more than ever, and it's been proving to be unhealthy for me.

And so it started: the entire month of May I gave myself a mission -- to create a lifestyle that I'll actually love waking up to every single day.. And boy was it harder than I thought. On the surface, I'm seen living the life, taking dance classes and working at cafes in front of breathtaking rice field views.

The truth was deep down, I felt so much guilt and shame for doing anything apart from work. I feel anxious, worried that this "new lifestyle" will make me lose out and be left behind in this competitive world. Who am I without my business? How am I worthy if I don't "add value" by coaching/ speaking/ working? All my life I've gotten the results (grades, money, "success") through working tirelessly... what if I work less and this lifestyle becomes unsustainable? Every thought that arose came from a place of lack and fear.

The entire month of May in Bali gave me the space to listen to my thoughts and have endless soothing conversations with myself. I learnt how to create a deeper space of non-judgement and release myself from the expectation of "solving" and "figuring it out".

It's been 3 months since my Bali 'retreat', and I've never felt more peace. Despite living in Singapore and all it's hustle, I feel like I've created my own rhythm.

This made me realise: Home isn't a place, it is a safe space you create within yourself. When you are at home with yourself, you can live with peace and intention in any environment.

There's an unexplainable sense of peace and love that comes with self-acceptance. There's a beautiful strength in being able to lead yourself with grace and kindness. When you know that you have your own back no matter where you go, it gives you a special boost of determination to and creativity to work towards your dreams.

Being born in a first-world nation like Singapore has been a huge blessing. To have the luxury to think about purpose and not survival, to think about contribution as not competition. I've always felt that Singapore was too competitive/suffocating, but ultimately, the way I want to lead my life is a decision I can make, no matter where I live.

Home isn't a place, it is a safe space you create within yourself. When you are at home with yourself, you can live with peace and intention in any environment. How can you start creating a home within yourself? What values lead your home? (i.e. non-judgement) I'm curious to hear from you! :)