Home, hope, hustle: Lessons from the field

This is an excerpt of my emotions, learnings and musings from my field-research undertaken for my Master's thesis. I was living in Reyhanli, Turkey, for two weeks across the Syrian border to conduct diverse interviews. My topic focuses on the role of participatory water governance in building social cohesion in conflict-prone regions, presenting the case of north-western Syria. I hope my words do justice to the sentiments that struck me throughout the journey.

Most evenings were utterly windy, yet it had become a ritual of sort: to come outside my residence and look over the orange sunset on the Syrian mountains. Those moments brought some momentary peace to me after a long day of interactions, but suddenly injected in me a feeling of an unknown discomfort. There was a loud silence floating over the brown fields which crawled until the foothills. The air there, was a paradox. I was aware of the chaos and uncertainty that existed behind those mountains, which sadly, did not disappear like the sun did in just a few moments. And here? From where I stand? I heard a feeling of raucous homesickness in every story I was told. These were not the stories of displacement, but of uprooting and ultimatums. Of guilt, helplessness and despair. Of longing and sighs, nostalgia and hope. Some of them saddened me deeply and some injected a sense of gratitude in me. All of them, however, made me realize that 'peace', is a luxury for so many.

I couldn't believe how people can be so kind despite all that they were going through. I was staying at a Shelter for women who fled their country alone and who needed refuge. They welcomed me with wide smiles and warm hospitality. I had qawaha (coffee) with them every morning and shared a hearty laughter. All of them had ongoing traumas and extremely hard pasts. Some of their husbands were held in custody for more than five years by the Syrian government, some of them had lost them. They had small kids and a future to worry about, with no money and a dearth of opportunities. Despite all this, they said that they had each other. We used online translators to communicate with one another, however, I realized that the language of pain and joy is always universal.

I also got a chance to volunteer at a local school and engage the refugee kids in conversation classes. As an animator and English trainer in the past, I love to use students' imaginations to help them learn the language. So, in the last class, I asked them about their dream destinations and made them role-play using the given vocabulary. They all wanted to travel the world, but they didn't quite know if they would be able to. These were the teenagers who had never seen an airplane before or who don't know what a passport is. These were the kids whose greatest wish was to travel back "home". Nevertheless, they dared to dream; they told me that they would come and see me one day, wherever I am. I stood there smiling, hoping and wishing that it happens, very soon.

14 days were flying too quickly. In between tasting new foods and navigating around without maps, I was trying my best to observe the "field". Although I was constantly engaging with organizations and people and doing extensive interviews, I realized that the real "field" was omnipresent. In the families, at the school, on the streets and while listening to others conversing, informally. There was so much to absorb, take in and process, that even after a full day at work, my mind used to race while lying on the bed, trying to make sense out of the reality. Below, are some of the reflections from this process which transformed me to a great extent, as a researcher but moreover as a human being:

1) Reality challenges the literary conceptualizations...

My research focuses on the concept of 'social cohesion' which is loosely defined in the academic and policy literature. It has been scoped differently over different periods of time by diverse authors. “Social cohesion is a state of affairs concerning both the vertical (between the people and the state/ authorities) and the horizontal (amongst the people) interactions among members of society as characterized by a set of attitudes and norms that includes trust, a sense of belonging and the willingness to participate and help, as well as their behavioral manifestations.” (Chan et al., 2006) Although my framework was based on the above definition and my interviews were guided by reviewed indicators, this was inadequate for me to make sense of the reality. I was working with a context affected by an ongoing war, loss of life, and high levels of instability and this highly positive connotation of an 'idealistic state of affairs' would not help me to interpret the reality. This dilemma made me realize the importance of reinterpreting this concept along with its socio-political and cultural baggage and present its existence differently in the case of my research.

Cohesion, in this context, may not be the perfect state of norms and behaviors, but an ongoing process of building relationships and confidence in a vulnerable society.

2) It was never an interview, it was a conversation...

I had two types of interactions: one, with the beneficiaries where I needed a translator, and the other one with diverse humanitarian organizations and NGOs working in WASH and other relief and development operations in Syria. For the first few interviews, I was struggling to obtain the right pieces of information and ask the right questions, and while many things were getting lost in translation, I knew that I had to change my approach. It was only when I put my diary down and engaged in a heart-to-heart conversation, that I could get the crux of my research. I set-aside my pre-made list of questions and asked about their work and their experiences, opportunities and challenges which gave me a solid grasp of understanding the scenario on-ground. While I am reviewing my recordings now, I am so glad that I have all of that in store.

3) The subtle interplays between culture, religion and gender...

As a researcher, I was consciously and consistently making myself aware and trying to avoid cultural comparisons and biases and was vary of my own prejudices. It was like walking out of the ideal bubble and travelling to the reality, which I already knew existed, but which made me uncomfortable in many ways. Gender roles were evident and visible, and sadly they were not challenged. To get to interview a woman beneficiary was rare and difficult. The ones I interviewed had very little time, or had their husbands verifying and correcting their answers, while they had a crying child on the lap. Men, on the other hand had a lot of time to finish their interviews. The households that I visited did give importance to women, but mostly viewed them as child-bearers and home-makers, and sadly, it was not out of a choice given to them. When I tried to engaged in discussions with the men I was regularly interacting with, I heard astonishment and denial about the possibility of reversing gender roles. Sadly, the roots of patriarchy go deeper than the feminist values in most societies.

However, it was not all hopeless. All the women I met were incredible and strong-willed. One of them was the owner of the Shelter I was staying at, calm, intelligent and fearless. She and her husband granted refuge and hope to many women from across the country and she inspired me deeply. Gender has a deeper role to play in social cohesion and its interplay with society and culture are prominent aspects to consider, in any context.

4) The presence of hope and absence of stability...

If there was one thing present in every conversation was hope. An eternal hope of being able to return to their country, proudly and safely. To learn in their language and live fearlessly. To reunite with their families and celebrate life. To access the most basic resources and to not be called refugees anymore. They had gratitude for the land they were living on, but also a constant reminder that it is not where they belong. It stunned me how they never made me feel homesick, even though they all were away from their homes.

While driving around the Syrian border, Ahmad always used to say, "There, right there, is my country. And I want to go back there. I will go, one day soon".

5) People were still courageous to be kind...

The words of Anne Frank kept coming back to me. After all that they were going through, people chose to be kind. To each other, and to a foreigner like me. They had warm hearts and souls brimming with care and love. After having been through despair, they knew the importance of love, peace and kindness. I am grateful for that, always.

This was a tremendous experience for me. It was also during this journey that I got the sad news of the demise of my dear supervisor, Prof. Ronald Jaubert. This is a serious loss for a lot of people, but I am determined to do justice to his belief in me with whatever small contribution that I can make with my work. My heartfelt condolences to him.

I am eternally grateful to Mr. Ahmed Haj Asaad of Geo Expertise for making this field work possible and for all his support in every aspect. A heartfelt thanks to Ahmad Aloush, whose family and him made me feel at home in Reyhanli.